WOW!! IT'S BEEN FOREVER!!!

Well, I am finally back on my feet after a few road blocks! I will try to quickly update the past month and a half for everyone!

Nov 6th~ It was a Sunday and I wasn't feeling well when I woke up. Jon and I decided to stay home from church. I had this weird pain above my belly button. Not as bad as when my colon ruptured, but I couldn't really think of anything else but the pain. I had myself convinced it was an infection. My parents and the kids came home from church and I made up my mind. I was only home for 2 weeks, but I had to go back to the ER and get checked out! So, Jon, my mom and I jumped in the car and headed out. When we got to the ER, my friend Susie met us there. We were called back fairly quickly. They put me straight into a bed and then ordered me pain meds. After they got my port accessed and IV going, they sent me to do a ct scan! I KNOW I KNOW!!! I have had a million of these things now!! While I am getting the scan done, Susie calls my surgeon, Dr D, to let him know what was going on and so he could keep an eye on me. So, I get back from the scan and I am sure that they are going to pump me with antibiotics and send me on my merry way... WRONG!!!!! The doctor comes in and tells me that I have a small intestinal blockage! OK??? What does that mean. Well, it means that somewhere in my small intestines, there is scar tissue or a kink that is preventing waste to pass normally. The doctor informs me that I will be in the hospital another 4 to 5 days!!! I just broke down right there!! Are you serious? I JUST started feeling normal at home and this happens!
So, for some reason, this was very painful and the meds weren't working as well as I felt they should be. I was never really comfortable while I was in there. Then there was the tube down my nose that I refused. I didn't quite understand what it was for so I refused it! They told me putting it in would be the most uncomfortable 5 minutes of my life. But it was up to me. Well, why would I put myself through that right? Little did I know what it was for. I suddenly started vomiting. Well if the waste can't go down the way it is supposed to, it has to go up and out the other way!! YUCK!!! I swear the things I have gone through in my life is unbelievable!!

Nov 10th~Finally they are talking about releasing me. I for sure wanted me to be out before my birthday which was on the 14th. As the day goes on, I start feeling sick again! Not really eating anything, just chalked it up to nerves about leaving the hospital. Well, dr D has me released that night at 7:30pm. I get packed up and ready to go, when I start throwing up again. They released me anyways!!

Nov 14th~I had a dr appt with Dr. P anares on Monday, my birthday. The entire weekend I did nothing but throw up. Got to his office and he gave me a pill called Reglan. It worked like a charm!! I could eat again!! It also helps with my bowels situation too. I know TMI!! LOL!! I am sorry but there is nothing girly about me anymore. I am wearing stretching- yoga type pants everyday because of my colostomy bag. I don't even bother with doing my hair or makeup either, what's the freaking point?

The rest of the week, I was trying to get my strength back and trying to get my life back in order. Then this happens....

Nov 20th~ It was a Sunday, STILL HAVE NOT BEEN BACK TO CHURCH YET BECAUSE THE ENEMY IS TRYING TO KEEP ME DOWN!! I am in pain ON my belly right above the pubic bone, on my actual incision site. It doesn't itch, but it is red and irritated and hard, not soft like my belly normally is. So we call the surgeon at home and he tells us to do warm, wet compresses because it sounds like an infection. My pastors wife came to visit and she is a nurse so I have her check it out. She agrees that it looks like an infection and if I end up getting a temp, I need to go to the ER!! I automatically cry and just think, I can not go back there! NO WAY!! So what happens? I end up spiking a temp of 102.5 at 1am. Instead of going to the ER we decide to just call dr d and let him know what was going on and get his opinion. He said just meet him in his office tomorrow morning and we will be ok.

Nov 21st~ We go to Dr D's office and we get called back. He tells us I have 3 choices. #1 He can cut open a little bit of my incision and drain it that way and take 10 days of antibiotics. #2 He can lance me open a little bid and drain it that way and take the antibiotics or #3 He can leave it alone and I continue to do the warm compressions and hopefully it will drain on its own and take antibiotics. So of course, scaredy cat me chooses door #3!!!!

Nov 22nd~ When I woke up this morning, I looked down and I was laying in a puddle of nasty. I woke Jon up to help me and I got out of bed. I started taking off my pants while he was getting a hand towel to stop the bleeding (or whatever it was) I take them off and out of my stomach I am POURING liquid out of me. I thought I would just be oozing stuff. NO! This was streaming out of me like you wouldn't believe. It got everywhere! Finally Jon came with towels and we tried to drain as much as possible. Jon dressed the wound and we were constantly changing bandages. The draining lasted almost a full week. It actually stopped, then something else came up.....

Nov 24th~ Today was Thanksgiving and I got out of the house for the first time (besides dr appts, or the hospital) We went to Shayla and Eddy's house! It was beautiful and then we stopped by Chris and Angies for a little bit. It was a good day. I felt semi normal again!

Nov 26th~ The day started out great, we were rearranging the house so we could put the Christmas tree up and decorate the house. I was feeling great, still weak and easily tired, but really good. Later that night my best friend, Krista, came over with her family. We hung out, ate pizza and drank Starbucks. Around 10pm it hit me! The stomach flu!!! It was horrible!! I had it coming from both ends. I was up all night! Constantly changing my bag or throwing up. The next morning Jon called the on call dr and they said that I better stay well hydrated or this all could end up in another intestinal blockage!!!! So I tried my best to keep the water down and I did it! No blockage!!

Nov 27th~ Here it is! Another Sunday that I can't go to church! Still so sick. I start feeling better around Monday or Tuesday.

Nov 28th~ ONE OF THE SADDEST DAYS OF MY LIFE!! After 8 weeks of taking care of me hand and foot and being by my side through even the grossest of gross, being there when I crashed in CCU, spending every single night with me in and out of the hospital, changing my ostomy bags, bathing me like a child again.... (the list really could go on) MY JON HAD TO GO BACK TO WORK!!!! Thankfully, it seems I am on the up and up again. I start feeling really good!!!

Dec 4th~ I FINALLY GET TO GO BACK TO CHURCH!!! It feels wonderful to be back with my church family!

Dec 5th~ Today I had an appt with Dr Panares my oncologist! He gave me the all clear to go back to chemo. I am so scared that the side effects are going to be as bad as when I first had it. I had everyone I know praying for me.

Dec 6th~ Jon couldn't get out of work to take me to chemo. Luckily my friend, Susie, took me. I don't know what I would do without her! She even got to see Zombie Christi, I turned a grey color and have red underneath my eyes! I look really weird on chemo.

Dec 10th~ Tonight is Jonny's 10th birthday party. I kept it small, but it was fun. I did pretty good, especially since I didn't take any pills!! I also drove for the first time tonight! I was scared, but I did it!! Slowly but surely I am getting back to me!

So that about catches you up to everything! I will try not to let it go this long anymore, but for a while there, I never thought I was going to be somewhat normal, I just thought I would just keep back sliding! I am so thankful to God for pulling me through this. I am looking and waiting for what my lesson is in all of this. As always, KEEP PRAYING, GOD IS LISTENING TO OUR CRIES!!!
















1

WHERE DO I START?

Remember that surgery the dr wanted me to have? Well, it happened sooner than later! It was a regular chemo week and I had finished my round of chemo at home.
October 6th, As usual, my friend Susie, took me to get the chemo removed from me. We got home around 1pm and I started getting these weird pains right above my belly button. Well, I didn't want to freak the kids out, so I tried to manage my day like normal. It kept getting worse, but like always, I was in denial!!! Finally, after the kids went to bed, I couldn't handle it anymore. Jon called the oncologist oncall that night. He said it sounded like an infection and sent over a prescription of antibiotics over the phone. He said if the pain got worse, to call him in the morning. I took the antibiotics and 2 hours later, I couldn't handle the pain anymore. We called the dr back and he said to go to the ER. If you know me, you know it takes being on my death bed to go to the dr, let alone the ER!! I hung up the phone and kept contemplating whether to go in or not. All of the sudden, I feel/hear a pop!!! My dad even heard it! That was it, off to the ER we went. We got there around 1am.
They took me straight back, I was in so much pain. They started sticking me in different places, drawing blood trying to figure out where the infection was coming from. They were also pumping me full of pain killers, which were not working! Then, they sent me for a ct scan. All I kept thinking all night was how much all this was going to cost us. I didn't want to do a ct scan knowing how much out of pocket it was going to cost us! I know, I am crazy! So I get back from the scan and they want me to give them a urine sample, to find out where this infection was coming from. I finally get the energy to get up out of bed to go to the bathroom and the dr grabbed my arm. I turned to him and he looks at me and says, "Your colon has ruptured! I have already called the surgeon on call and he will be here in a couple hours. You are having surgery today! Do you understand what I am saying to you?" I just nodded! I was numb. I came in for an infection! Needless to say, my ER trips never end up fun!! The first time, CANCER!! Now, I am near death with a blown out colon!! Jon and I went into the bathroom and he helps me, I can't even cry! We just pray. I walk back to my bed and tell my mom what the dr said and she said she already over heard him. Right then, we started making phone calls. Susie and my sister show up and stay with me.
A couple hours later, the surgeon, Dr. Daskalakis (we call him Dr. D) comes in and is very grim. Remember how my oncologist said he sent my ct scan to different surgeons to get this surgery done before this happens? Well, Dr D was one of the surgeons who was sent the scan. Guess what? He had already denied doing the surgery because he said my ct scan was a mess and he didn't think surgery was going to help me. So pretty much I thought he was going to open me up and close me right back up. He said the best to hope for was that he was going to close up the hole that was my colon! Not to mention, I hadn't had a "movement" in days, so he was expecting stool everywhere and I would be getting VERY sick from it. You know me, when I am getting any sort of bad news, I tune it out. I don't mean to, but its just what I do.
After he left, I had all my closest friends and family with me. I was doped up on a million pain killers and I believed this was it and I was not even going to get to kiss my babies good bye. I couldn't think straight, but I knew I had to write them letters. I was so high, I couldn't get the right words out. Thankfully my best friend, Krista, was there. She and Susie tried to make something out of the gibberish I was writing. At this point, I had about 6 hours until surgery. My mind was swimming and the time passed so quickly.
October 7th, 12:00pm, Time for surgery. It came so fast, I couldn't stress or cry about it. I said my goodbyes and stayed strong. I just kept praying for everything to turn out and for me to live to see my kids again. I AM NOT READY TO DIE AND LEAVE THEM!! They are too young to lose their mom. I was wheeled into surgery, they put a mask on me and told me to breathe deeply. That's the last thing I remember.
I don't know what time it was, but I woke up and tried to pull the tube out of my throat so I could breathe. The nurse yelled to someone else and the next thing I know, my arms are tied to the bed and I can't move them. The nurse told me to calm down and they will take the tube out soon. That was the most horrifying and scary feeling ever!!
I finally get wheeled out of recovery and I was told that the surgery went better than expected! GOD IS IN CONTROL ALWAYS!! I don't know why I ever think any different!! What was supposed to be a couple hour surgery took barely over an hour!! He said everything looked perfect, he fixed the colon, put in a colostomy bag (BOO!!) and he said he removed the ovaries that were filled with cancer, because they were just "flopping around in there"! He said my abdominal wall kept all the stool in 1 place, so he just scooped it out. Pretty, I know! So, instead of a band aid surgery, he performed the surgery that my Oncologist had asked him to do and he said was impossible!! I was put on 2 different antibiotics to make sure I did not get sick from the stool in my body.
I was on the road to recovery!! Up and walking around, learning about my new, permanent, colostomy bag and how to live with it. Then, I hit a road block!!
October 11th, I was doing so well, telling everyone about the miracle God performed on me! Which, it is the biggest miracle so far! When all of the sudden, I started not feeling right. I had to go to the bathroom and kept calling for my nurse who for some reason was ignoring me. My cousins, aunt and mom were there with me. My cousin, David, went to get my nurse 2 times before she finally came. By the time she got to me, I had this horrible pain in my bladder that lasted for a couple seconds. I was seeing stars!! The next thing I knew there were about 10 nurses in my room and the hospital Chaplin was praying over me. I still can't tell you what was wrong with me. They sent me to the Critical Care Unit. The next thing I remember, I was getting 4 bags of blood, 2 bags of platelets and a bag of plasma. They said they thought that I had internal bleeding and they would have to go back in and fix it!!! WHAT?? Another surgery!?? No way! I couldn't do it!! So off they sent me to the ct scan...again!
Again, God preformed a miracle! NO internal bleeding. They still don't know what caused it, but I didn't need another surgery! PRAISE THE LORD!!! I stayed in CCU for 2 days then went back up to the 5th floor for the remainder of my stay.
So, things seemed to be getting back to normal, when one of the Ostomy nurses (they teach me how to take care of my new friend, the colostomy bag) tells me that my Stoma (the part of the intestine that empties into my bag) is not healing correctly and is actually receding! OF COURSE, BECAUSE NOTHING CAN GO SMOOTHLY FOR ME!!! So we talk to the surgeon, Dr D, and he said, "If we can get the Stoma to hang in there for 2 months and there is no new cancer in me, I will go back in and hook you up the regular way and get rid of the bag!" Which has me so happy on one hand that I won't have the bag any more, but then again, I am not looking forward to another surgery in 2 months. But it is in God's hands and I am learning daily to trust Him more and more!
Finally, after 12 (almost 13) days of being in the hospital, I get released!! I am scared to death!! I don't feel ready to not have nurses by my side 24/7! What if something happens? But my family and kids need me home.
Home life, I am getting used to it. I am healing slower than I thought I would! I finally got my staples out on October 27th. I am still scared to death about everything, but its getting better! So, as it stands, I need my stoma to stabilize, no new cancer growth, get my JP drain out and to gain all my strength back.
I am going to wrap this up because it is late and I wrote a novel! LOL!! As always, keep praying, God IS listening!! Love you all and thank you so much for all your prayers!

Dr appt today

Today was my appointment with my Oncologist. I think I mentioned before that he said I will be having surgery in the future. Well, his definition of future and mine are VERY different! He meant sometime at the end of this month to mid-November sometime. I was thinking sometime next year! The scary part is he needs to find a surgeon willing to do the surgery. It is a complicated one since I want him to have them get as much cancer out of me as he can!
He also said that he was pretty sure I just have a virus. So we are still on for chemo tomorrow. Thankfully!!! He did say that it will be a double bummer because I will be feeling sick from the chemo and my head cold.
As always, keep praying, God is listening!

Sickness has hit the Adamik family!!

So, with all the hand washing and sanitizing I have been doing, it didn't stop me from getting the dreaded cough and cold my kids brought home from school!! So here I wait wondering if they are going to go ahead with chemo on Tuesday or if they are going to put it off! Please pray that my blood work comes back good enough to go ahead with the chemo. I schedule my life around chemo and how I will be feeling, so if they put it off it is really going to throw a wrench in my next couple of weeks!!

Other than the kids and I getting sick, everything has been pretty normal. The boys started Cubs
Scouts, which I am pretty sure Jon got roped into to being the pack leader! Jonny is playing Soccer and his team is undefeated! I sure love watching him play. He has a constant smile on his face at all times while he is on the field! We are doing all we can to make sure the kids have as normal life as possible. We are in close contact with their teachers and school to make sure we are not missing signs of depression, anger, etc... We are willing to put them in counseling, but also don't want to put them in unnecessarily. They seem to be doing very well, all things considered.

We are having a garage sale on Saturday to get rid of, (or down size) our storage unit. We are really falling behind on the medical bills. We need to come up with around $3000, as of today! Those bills pile up faster than anything I have seen. I don't know anyone who could afford Cancer. So we are praying we make some money to get rid of some of the bills. Well, thats all I have for now! As always, keep praying, God is listening!!!

http://christibikecruise.eventbrite.com


Here is the link to my fundraiser for the bike cruise!!!

SAVE THE DATE!!!!

My brother and his friend will be putting on a fundraiser on Saturday, October 15th. It is a bike ride in Huntington Beach! We need all the participants we can get! I will have more info soon and post it as soon as I get it! Thanks!!

Another chemo week!

Sept 6th~ Today I had my regular doctor appt with the oncologist physicians assistant. It was pretty routine except they let me know I would not be going on the extra chemo drug, Avastan (I think this is the spelling), like they wanted me to. This drug would cause extra bleeding, like nose bleeds and things like that. But, they told me that my tumors were too fragile and would end up bleeding too much. I was torn by this, because I have heard this is the chemo that is a "wonder drug" as the PA described it. But, I am sick of chemo already and don't want more drugs running through me. Already, as soon as I get my chemo out, I am dreading the next time. They said this was normal, but sometimes I actually get sick to my stomach thinking about it. So please pray for God's will to be done with the Avastan. If it will heal me, pray my tumors toughen up!!!! I just want to be healed so badly and back to my regular life with my husband and kids. When I got home, my family friend Dave, came to uplift me and pray with me as he does every Monday before chemo! It feels good to get recharged by prayer and the word before I sit in the chair for hours having poison pumped into me.

Sept 7th~ It was chemo day. They added more Benedryl and Steroids to my cocktail because my tongue was going numb after chemo and I was feeling sick during the last 30 minutes of chemo. So I ended up conking out during chemo from the Benedryl. I felt weird after it was over, just worn out, like I needed to lay down for a couple of days! I got leg cramps that night and really whiny! YES!! I get very emotional after chemo, sometimes for days! LOL!! Sometimes, I want to stamp my feet and cry and say, "WHY ME??" But usually just Jon sees that side of me!

Sept 9th~ nothing new today! Just got my chemo out and went shopping afterward! I feel so free when I get my chemo out! But, for some reason, I am still feeling a little off from chemo. It took me until today (september 13th) to write this post because I am just feeling weird from chemo still! I can function, but I am not feeling normal. I just can't get comfortable. I have not been sleeping well either! I think it all goes together!

Keep me and my family in your prayers as always! God will heal me! Just in His time, not mine! If it were my time, I would be healed already! LOL!!

Colonoscopy

Aug 31st~ Today was the prep day for the colonoscopy! NOT FUN!! I had to drink a liter of the grossest drink ever within 1 hour. Then repeat it again 5 hours later! I barely got the first liter down without throwing it up. I was just about gagging on every drink. The 5 hours seemed to fly by and I was not mentally prepared for the next liter. I mixed the drink with lemonade and went to take the first drink of the 2nd liter. As soon as it hit my stomach, it came right back up, I barely made it to the sink! What was supposed to take me 1 hour to drink, took me 3 hours and I didn't even finish it all. I know, shame on me!! After I was done with the drink, it was like a weight lifted off me! But I vowed that I will never do another colonoscopy again!!!!!!

Sept 1st~ I went in STARVING to the Colonoscopy. I got right in and within an hour, I was under and the procedure was over before I knew it. Dr Mathews came in, he is my GI doctor, and he said the tumor shrank!! He could not give me a percentage because he couldn't get a measurement the first time because he couldn't get the camera through the tumor. This time he could perform a full colonoscopy. But he did find that my tumor is still fragile and weeping so they will not be putting me on the new chemo medicine! I don't know how I feel about that, when I thought I had to add another med it freaked me out, but now I am freaked out that I am not going to be on it! Go figure!!

Sept 2nd~ Today I went with my friend Susie to Rico De Benitz salon, and got my hair cut off! They put it in a ponytail and cut off almost 15 inches!! I am donating it to Locks of Love! It is an organization that makes wigs with donated hair for children with cancer! Because I donated my hair, my stylist didn't charge me a penny for the hair cut!!! I love how easy it is to manage now. I had to cut it, it just keeps falling out and this way its easier to deal with!

Like always, keep me in your prayers! They are working! I need to stay healthy for my babies! Jonny started Soccer and he is on a really good team! So my Saturdays are booked from here until November! But I love watching him play! He loves this sport and has a constant smile on his face the entire game!!

GOD IS GOOD!!

Aug 22nd~ I went in for my regular dr appt and then off to my ct scan! I was so nervous to do the scan for some reason! But really that is my scaredy cat personality! LOL! So there were a few tears right before the scan while sitting on the machine getting stuck with a needle for the contrast. I don't know what I was so scared of. The nurse calmed me down and I went in the machine. I just took that time to pray because I needed to feel God's arms around me and I did! I just relaxed completely at that point! By the time it was over they said that they would try to get the results to the doctor as soon as they could. Deep down, I just wanted the day to chill out and not think about anything. By 5:15pm, Jon couldn't handle it anymore and called the doctor, but he was already gone for the day.
Aug 23rd~ We got up and went in for our full day of chemo! We are usually there from 9:30am to about 2:30pm. It is a long day and by the last half hour, I am feeling sick and look really bad! During my chemo, Dr Panares came in with my results. I was so nervous! I could hardly listen. He could see my nerves and told me it was really good news! He said that the tumors on my ovaries have shrunk 50%, the cancer in my liver shrunk by 40%, but the cancer in my lungs stayed the same. He said he expected that tho. He also said there were some kind of protein numbers for my lungs they have been following, normal healthy lungs are less than 3. With my first blood work, my number was 120!!! Well as of Monday it was down to 45! So it is doing something to my lungs! We don't know about the colon tumor yet. We find out next week after the Colonoscopy! Please pray for me during the prep day before the colonoscopy! It was very hard on me last time!
Aug 24th~ I think that yesterday was a lot for me! I am plugged into my chemo as usual, but I didn't get out of bed until 3:30pm!!!!! I am usually up by 9am on the day after chemo!

Please keep praying! God is listening! He is so good and I am so thankful for all the healing he has done in me so far!! Praise the Lord!!

Vacation

Aug 16th~ We left for Laughlin, NV! We had a blast! We took the boat out and the kids all tried wake boarding for the first time! They loved it! We had a very relaxing time. We actually decided to stay an extra day! 3 days were just not long enough for a much needed vacation. Our family has been through so much this year, we needed to let off some steam. Almost our entire family went, my grandma even got to come! Thank you to everyone who prayed for our vacation. While on vacation, I actually cut my pain meds from every 4 hours to only taking them 1 time in the morning and 1 time at night!
Tomorrow is my doctor appointment at 8:15am, then after that I will be getting my 8 week ct/scan at 11:30! Please pray the tumors have significantly shrunk! I will update tomorrow or Wednesday when I find out the results. I can't promise to update Tuesday due to chemo that day. I really feel like death warmed over after that 5 hour event!
As always, keep me and my whole family in your prayers! Thank you!!

God is good!

Aug 8th~ Today is my grandma Casey and my nephew Aaron's birthdays!! Happy birthday to them!
I went to the doctor today and Dr Panares gave us (me, Jon and Susie) some encouraging news!! He said my hemoglobin is rising in numbers!! I am still anemic, but this is a sign that the tumors are shrinking!!! PRAISE THE LORD! Please keep praying, because it is working. He also scheduled my CT scan for the 22nd. I will go in at 11:30am, 2 hours before the procedure, drink some radioactive stuff out of a lead container, and then get the scan done. It will show all the cancer and let us know if the chemo is working. I keep getting asked if I will have a break from Chemo. The answer is no! As of now, there is no end in sight. We will continue chemo until the Lord delivers me from this disease! Another question I get is about surgery. The dr does not want me having surgery because there is a chance of spreading the cancer when you mess with it. The other question I get a lot is about radiation. Radiation is for a specific spot. If I had 1 tumor, they would probably do radiation. But I have multiple tumors and the cancer is splattered in my lungs and liver, so this would not work! After the doctors appointment, Dave, came over and talked with me and prayed with me and my mom. This is such a blessing!! After he leaves, I feel a weight lifted off of me. He reminds me that the devil is a liar and will try anything to make me think I am not going to watch my babies grow into adults! That is all I want! I am not scared of dying, I just can't IMAGINE leaving my kids motherless! They do not deserve that! Boy that Satan can really get your mind going sometimes though!
Aug 9th~ Today was Chemo. It really kicked my butt today! I am exhausted! My legs are already achy, so I am hoping Jon will let me skip tonight's walk. But I doubt it, he has already mentioned it 2 times! I love walking with him. It is so peaceful and quiet and we just talk about nothing and everything! Then we come in and he reads the Bible aloud to me in bed. We have really become a lot closer lately. I know this is taking a huge toll on him, on all of us really. But this is bringing up memories of losing his mom. I keep reminding him that she was ready to go home to be with Christ. I know that Christ has more for me to do on this earth. This is just another bump in what has been a VERY bumpy road, that we have call our life! We have been through so much, losing his mom, my mom and her nuerofibromitosis, a miscarriage, losing our home, a surprise pregnancy at a very inopportune time in our lives and now cancer! What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, right? Any ways, I got off track! Shocking, I know!! LOL!
During my treatment today, Dr. Panares walked into my private room (yes!!! I got the private room again!! (: ) He told us he had more good news! another test he does with the blood work (I am not sure what it is and if anyone out there knows, please comment! I think it has something to do with cancer proteins? I don't know) I was too out of it to ask what exactly the test was, but he said the numbers were going down and that is another sign that the cancer is shrinking!!!! Jon and I were very excited to hear this! He told us to have fun on our vacation and that he would see us when we got back!
Please pray that this time after Chemo would go as smoothly if not more smoothly than last time! We are leaving for vacation on soon and I want to be strong and over any kind of sickness by then! Please pray for Jon and my spirits, to keep the devil from playing mind tricks with us! We love you all very much and thank you so much for all your support!

Christianne's Fight Club

Aug 1st~ I found out a few days ago that my sister Betsy, cousin Melissa (from NC) and my aunt Sandi (from NC) designed and had t-shirts made to help raise money for my medical bills! I can't believe the out pouring of love from everyone, especially my family!! I am really overwhelmed by all the help and support people, even strangers are giving me and my family!

The shirts are $20, that includes shipping and everything. To purchase a shirt email christiannesfightclub@hotmail.com Sizes range from youth small to Adult 4XL! Please email Melissa or Betsy, at the email above, if you are interested with your address and size! Thanks!!

My brother, my hero!!

My brother has always been there for me and now he is stepping up to the plate when I need him the most! He set up an account for people to donate to for my medical bills! By the end of next year, we will need approximately $15,000.00 for medical bills! Thank you Rob for always taking care of me! I love you!

http://funds.gofundme.com/6o2o4

Third times the charm!

July 25th~ I had my doctor's appointment today, Susie and Jon came with me and it went well! He did say I am losing weight a little fast. Umm... that is the only good thing I see in this whole mess! ha ha! He also said that he wants to put me on another chemo med once I have my ct-scan in August after my next round of chemo. This is the medicine that he tested on my tumor and it seemed to work! I came home from the doctor and had a pretty good day. But, that night, I was hit by terrible pains. I am not sure where they came from and do not want my mind to wander to dark places. So, I gritted my teeth and bared through it as much as I could!
July 26th~ Before chemo every week, my parents friend from high school, Dave, comes over and he prays with me and gives me and uplifting message to get me through what I am going through! It means so much to me! Every message he gives me I know comes straight from the Lord! He reminds me that God loves me more than I love my own children! He hurts to see me hurt and He is with me at all times! This day we cut it a little short because I was so out of it from being up the night before with the pains. I got to chemo and they gave me a private room! I loved it, like being in a hotel... (insert eye roll) But it was nice. They also gave me IV pain meds, which put me to sleep for almost the whole time! My favorite nurse was there with me. Her name is Gail and she calls me Trouble! LOL! I am a baby when it comes to being poked with needles. She even gave me numbing cream, ya, doesn't do much! During and after chemo, I drank as much as possible to not get those horrible leg aches! After chemo, Angie (my sister in law), Jenna (my 2yr old niece) and Nathan (my new nephew) came over and brought dinner!! It was so nice to see them and Jenna is still comfortable around us and house from me babysitting her for the first year of her life! I was sad when they left! Then around 8pm, my legs were achy, I really thought with everything I drank I wouldn't get the leg aches. They weren't as bad as last time at all! I was just over tired and just done and started crying! I try to be strong, but sometimes its all just a little too much!
July 27th~ Today was a good day, but I am a little nauseous! Smells are getting to me! I have my little chemo buddy with me! The good ol' fanny pack of poison! Lol! I get it out tomorrow and really hope I don't get sick! YES!! I will not question if its working if I don't get sick! LoL!!
So that is everything up to date! I will be back when there is more to post! Good night!

another update

July 15th, I felt great this day! I got my chemo out and this was the day last time that I got sick! But I was thinking that maybe I wasn't going to get sick! Then, the Devil started playing tricks with my mind. Telling me the chemo wasn't working because I wasn't feeling sick. Anyone who knows me, knows I worry over EVERYTHING!!! I wake up some nights worrying about why I am worrying! I know, I need help! LOL! Anyway, I was just excited that I was feeling good because I really wanted to go to church to see the boys VBS program.
July 16th, I called people and bragged how I didn't get sick, but then in the back of my mind was that nagging thought of it not working! UGH! Well, that night, around midnight, IT HIT!!! Oh my word, I was so sick! Up all night, no sleep, throwing up! I am not talking a couple of hours! I am telling you, my kids were up before I felt comfortable enough to finally fall asleep. I just sat up, crying out to God to let me get through this!
July 17th, Of course this is the day of the VBS program and I didn't fall asleep until 7am, I am still sick and I am still sick! I just can't go! Poor Jon was up the whole night with me too. That is going to be his nick name from now on... Poor Jon! LOL! He sat in the bathroom with me at 5am while I was in the bath trying to feel better. Holding my hair as I was getting sick in the sink. So we both missed the program, but my parents did video it for me! This day, I ended up eating a banana and a bagel! I was pretty excited to get the bagel down!
July 18th, Today my stomach is better, just sore! But I can eat! So I did get to go see Jonny off to his camp today! So I was happy about that!
So that is it! We are all caught up! This is my week off (from chemo and dr appts) I did end up getting sick, but later in the week this time! I am planning on still going to Lake Mohave in August, we just don't know how long after chemo to plan it! I was hoping that the sickness would hit the same time after chemo, but that doesn't seem to be the case! So we are playing it by ear! Keep praying and thankfully I am half way through with this cycle of chemo!!! Only 2 more times!

calling all prayer warriors!!!

July 11th, Today was my appointment with Dr. Panares, my oncologist. He answered all the questions I have like, did my port move? Can I paint my toenails since I am not allowed to have a pedicure or manicure? Can I go to the river in August with my family if I am feeling up to it? Will I get more sick with the chemo as time goes on? He answered yes to all the questions except the port did not move (I am such a worry wart! LOL) and he said no I probably wont get more sick than I did the first round! But I can paint my toenails and I can go to the river! He actually wants me to go to the river!
Everyone knows I don't want to hear Stages or statistics! I am someone who worries about EVERYTHING and I know that is how the Devil gets me! So while we were there with the dr, out of the blue, he just starts spewing statistics! UGH!!!!! He said only 40-50% of people on the chemo cocktail actually respond to it. He said that means it only stops the growth of the cancer, but in rare cases, it will actually shrink the cancer! I so did not want to hear that at all!!! He said they have a piece of my tumor and are testing it against different chemos and he said they found 1 chemo so far that absolutely does nothing to my tumor, so that one is out. Then he said there is another chemo that did work on my tumor. The problem is, my tumors are bloody tumors and this chemo makes you bleed. This new chemo only has the same 40-50% chance of working also. So he only wants to do it as a last resort. Then, I got some more news, he said I can't be on chemo forever and eventually he wants to take out the tumor in my colon. Jon asked about the tumors on my ovaries and the dr said, "Eventually, yes. That is a more in depth surgery that will require a gynecological surgeon to preform it!" So at this point, I wanted out of there. I need a dr who is upbeat and tells me, "We got this!" My dr has great bedside manners, just not for me, he looks at me with pity and is very touchy feely! Which is so nice, but I am afraid I am going to break down and cry right there in the office every time he does it!!!! What is my rule, NO CRYING!!!!! If I cry, I just may never stop! I have a life, kids and a husband to take care of for the next 5o years! Any ways, my blood work came back good enough to do my chemo the next day! Oh! I have lost 24 lbs in 3 weeks tho... not that you can tell yet!
July 12th, Time for chemo! It went pretty good! I was much more relaxed and actually slept! Poor Jon sits in this uncomfortable chair! But they did give him a soda! LOL! We were there from 9:30am to 2:15pm! So now I am hooked up to my little fanny pack buddy for the next 2 days! Once I got home, I got horrible leg aches!! It was terrible! I am pretty sure it was caused by dehydration. I can't wait until Thursday at 12:30pm to get this out of me!! Then I get that precious week off!!
July 13th, THEY LIED TO ME!!!!! I woke up VERY nauseous!! I took one of my nausea pills and feel better for the moment! I was feeling so bad that Jon called in today to take care of me! He already had yesterday off and then he took Friday off, because that is my bad day! But tomorrow, he HAS to go to work! He already has his whole day booked with calls!

Please continue to pray! Pray that I am the 40-50% that this chemo works on! Pray for our spirits to remain up even tho Satan is attacking!! Pray for strength for Jon, to continue to work and balance family without guilt! Also a little prayer request, Jonny (9yrs old), is going to summer camp for a week next week, pray for safety and that he has fun and learns more about our Lord!

Thanks for listening to me ramble on! I appreciate all of you and thank you for sharing in my journey!!

Big Thank You!!

I just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who has supported us during this time! There are too many to name! But we have been so blessed by everyone who has brought dinners, sent cards, sent flowers, brought magazines and books, babysat for us, prayed for us and has just been there for us! We even got a new adjustable bed from my brother's best friend!!
We are overwhelmed by every one's kindness! Kindness of complete strangers who have reached out and let us know that they are praying for us and that we are on their hearts! I got a homemade prayer blanket today from someone I have never met! I cried at the kindness of this person, who I have never laid eyes on, but they took the time to make a quilt and pray over each tie on the quilt for me! They took time out of their lives to pray for me! I feel so unworthy!
I really want everyone to know that we appreciate everything so much! All this support is a reminder of Christ's love for us! I don't know why we have to go through this, but I am confident that Christ is holding me and going to see me through this!
Please continue to pray as I face another round of chemo next week! Monday I see my oncologist and they will check my blood counts to make sure they are not too low. Then Tuesday, I am hooked back up to my chemo for 3 days! Fun times!! LOL!

Sickness hits!! UGH!!

June 30th, I turned in my fanny pack of fun and all was well! I was feeling semi-normal and free! Then around 9pm, it hit! I got sick! I was up the whole night being sick! It was no fun at all. Thursday turned to Friday, Friday turned to Saturday and finally on Sunday, I began feeling better. I am sorry to everyone who I have not called or texted back! I hope I will feel better soon and get back on top of things.

There is good news though! On Saturday night (July 2nd) Jon washed my hair in the sink! I am telling you, it made everything look a little brighter! LOL!! Its the little things that count for me right now!

I am thankful for all your thoughts and prayers! They honestly mean so much to me! Your comments have been so uplifting. Please continue to keep me and my family in your prayers! I really would love to feel good enough to go back to church! I am really missing it! One of my friend's mom left this verse for me to read on one of my comments and I have clung to it the last few days,

Isaiah 41:10~ So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

This verse has helped me through some dark moments when Satan attacks! I know there is a reason I have to go through this, I just don't know why yet! But, this verse is helping me remember that God is holding me through this! It is not going to be easy or fun, but He is right by my side, going through it with me! So comforting to know!

Finally starting the fight!

June 28th, Well, this morning I started the war against Cancer!!! I went to the infusion center and waited in the waiting room for 50 mins before finally being called back. I sat in a huge recliner and Jon (he was the only one there because they only allow 1 visitor with a patient at a time!) sat in the most uncomfortable chair I had ever seen! LOL! I was only scared because they were going to use the Port and it is still so sore and painful!! So my nurse Myrna, started pushing around where the Port is to find it because it is still so swollen! That was the only painful thing about today. She found the Port and she stuck the needle in! I sat doing Chemo for over 4 hours. The last 30 mins I was getting really bad hot flashes. I did not feel sick during the Chemo. You can snack and drink during it, watch TV, get up and go to the bathroom (u just push the IV with you). Luckily my friend Amy sent me a care package yesterday with magazines, a word search, gum, etc... so that kept us busy for the most part. After it was over, they hooked up the chemo that I would be doing at home. The picture in the left corner is my pump and chemo bag for the next 2 days. I turn it in on Thursday at 11:30am. All in all it was a lot easier than I expected. The best surprise was my pastor's wife, Marilyn, came to visit on her lunch break! She works at St Jude, so she popped by to chat for a little bit. So now we wait and pray that the next 8 weeks go by quickly and are effectively melting my tumors and cancer away!!

Power Port Surgery

June 27th, This morning I woke up with hardly any anxiety! I think I am finally getting used to being poked and prodded!! We got to the hospital at 10am and my friend Susie was already waiting there for us! She has not missed 1 of my procedures yet! If she is allowed to be there, she has been there and I really thank God for her! She has been a rock for me! My mom and Jon were also there as well! So, I think I am doing so good and not being a scaredy cat, then the nurse calls my name to come back! Oh my word! That was it, I was terrified!!! They told me they were not putting me fully out, but that I will be so relaxed I would fall in and out of sleep! Ok, I could do this! So I get into my gown and slip into the bed. They give me my last IV I will ever need during this time. Then the doctor comes in to go over everything with me. Everything seems simple enough, they are going to make an incision, place the port into my Jugular. It will be used to draw blood from, do my chemo through, pretty anything that needs to go in or come out of my body will be done through the Port! Then the doctor springs it on me!! I CAN NOT get it even a little wet for 7-10 days!! Which means they don't want me to shower, bathe, swim, etc... I asked them what to do about my hair! I have super long hair that gets dirty in 1 day!! They said, "Just deal with it!!" WHAT??!! I know it doesn't seem like a big deal in the grand scheme, but for me, it is! Finally it is time to get the surgery started. They wheel me back to the most uncomfortable room I have ever been in, in my life! I got scared, really scared, so I just started praying. It felt like they took FOREVER setting things up in there. The nurse came in and said that she was going to give me the sedative to calm me down and because they were almost ready to start. So she gave me one shot in my IV and after about 5 minutes, it was not doing anything for me. I let her know and she gave me another dose. Right away I felt VERY relaxed. I could have fallen asleep, but then I was snapped back into reality! All of the sudden, I feel about 20 pokes from a needle piercing my chest! I told them I felt it and they said that he was numbing the incision site and the place the Port was going to be located. So I gritted my teeth and got through it. I did not feel the incision at all, praise God!! But the next thing I felt was this horrible pressure! I was literally moaning out loud it was so uncomfortable! It was the longest procedure I have ever had! I didn't cry, but I sure wanted to! After it was over, they wheeled me back to the recovery room and I stayed there for about 20 minutes. They reiderated that if it gets wet and infected, they will have to take out the Port and reinsert it! So pretty much STAY AWAY from me for the next 10 days!! I will not risk infection! I am going to do whatever it takes to keep it dry!! So now my new prayer is to keep this Port healing as it should and keep all infection away from me! NO SHOWERS FOR ME!! LOL!

Where do I start?

I have been asked by a few people to start a blog! So here I am! I have been trying to stay away from the Internet. I don't want my mind going to dark places and start googling every single symptom I have! But this will be the easiest way to keep friends and family updated on my progress through my, well our, battle with cancer. Where do I start? I guess the beginning is always the best place to start, here is what we have been through so far!
Around the end of May, I started getting this weird cramping feeling in my lower abdomen. I didn't think much about it. Well, the cramping started getting worse! I would literally have to stop whatever I was doing at the time and jump in the hottest bath possible!! But then it would go away. I realized that the cramping would start if I moved wrong or lifted my leg up too quickly. So of course, I just tell myself it must be a hernia or pulled muscle. Because to get me to go to the doctor would literally take a miracle!
On Saturday, June 4th, I couldn't take it anymore. I thought for sure it was a hernia and with vacation coming up on the 19th, I had to get it taken care of! Jon took me to the ER at 11am. They got us right in, it was not busy at all. The doctor agreed, it sounded muscular to him and he sent me in for a CT Scan. After the scan was over, the tech walked us back out to the lobby and grabbed my arm and said, "I hope all goes well for you!" WHAT??!!! I was very taken back and didn't even know what to say back to him! I looked at Jon and said, "something is wrong with me!" He assured me that it meant nothing and that maybe he was new at this and didn't know what to say to people. So we go sit back in the lobby. We get called back to hear the results. Well, the nurse walked us past the room we were previously in and took us back to a bed that had a gown on it. I looked at her and said, "What does this mean?" She was VERY skittish and said, "It doesn't mean you are staying or anything, umm... it's just, we need you to get in the gown and wait to hear your results!" I knew then, something was wrong, really wrong!! About a half hour later, the ER doctor came in and sat by the foot of my bed and started rubbing my legs. The once happy-go-lucky doctor, who was making jokes with us just 1 hour ago, looked like he had seen a ghost.
I started going into a dream-like state. It was the weirdest feeling I have ever felt. He started off by saying this is one of the hardest things he has to do as a doctor, giving people news like this. The room was spinning, I looked at Jon, who was now as pale as the walls behind him. The doctor went on to tell us that I had cancer in my ovaries and it has spread to the liver and up to the lungs. He asked if I understood what he was saying. I shook my head and said, "Yes, you are saying I have cancer." The doctor seemed very upset, so I told him it was going to be ok. He told me that he was admitting me so I could cut through the red tape and get the tests done asap! He told me he was turning me over to Dr. Lee, the internal medicine doctor.
After the doctor left, I called my dad and told him the news. I asked him to pray and please let the rest of the family know. That was one of the hardest phone calls of my life because I knew I couldn't cry, I had to be strong!
After 30 mins, Dr. Lee came in, confirmed the ER doctor's diagnosis, he thinks it is Ovarian cancer and sent me for another CT Scan with contrast this time. After that scan, I went up to my room on the 2nd floor of the hospital.
I had so many visitors that weekend and was so thankful for that because it really kept me focused on what was important, God, my family and friends. There was only 1 rule and if you were a visitor, I am sure you remember it, "NO CRYING ALLOWED!!" We had to remain strong and not the the enemy drag us down!
While we were all there at the hospital, my grandfather (AKA Pop, or Grandpa Turtle) fell and ended up at the hospital with me the next day. They did a CT Scan on him and he broke his hip. They put him literally a few doors down from me which was convenient for everyone in my family to run back and forth. Jon did double duty! He got to stay in the room with me, so every time the nurses came in to check on me, he would run and check on Pop! He also helped him with his breakfast every morning too! Jon very much appreciated this time with my grandpa!
So Monday, June 6th, rolls around and I am scheduled for a liver biopsy. They keep you awake and you are in the CT while they have a long needle going down to your liver and take pieces of your liver out to test. I KNEW SOMETHING WAS NOT GOING TO BE RIGHT!!! The Doctors hands were shaking so badly, she couldn't keep them still!!! I should have said something right then and there, but of course, I kept my mouth shut!! I can't tell you that it actually hurt, but when it was over, I swore I would NEVER do that again. It was so invasive and just yucky!!
So, I was supposed to go home after the biopsy, but I just didn't feel comfortable enough to go home. They let me stay one more day!
The next day, I packed up to leave to go home and they packed Pop up to go to a rehabilitation nursing home. Since being home, I have dealt with a lot of anxiety! I already had REALLY bad anxiety, but this takes it to a whole new level! Every night, I feel as if someone is sitting on my chest. The only way to get over it, is for Jon and I to pray, pray, pray and read the Bible aloud together! So, if it is about midnight, you can pray along with us, because that is what we are doing to get me calm enough to sleep!
June 10th, I go in to see my primary care doctor, Dr. Kim. He tells me there is some good news, the pathology report comes back that it was not cancer. I knew they were wrong because I knew Mrs Shaky Hands just missed her target!!! Sure enough, I was right. My oncologist, Dr. Parares, called me and said the words I most dreaded to hear. "We have to re-biopsy again!!" This time from my ovaries. So I have a melt down! Yes, a big one!!
June 11th, here comes the shocker. We got a call at like 6am or so, that Pop had died in the nursing home. The night before my mom said that he wasn't talking too much and he was having trouble drinking. She said he didn't look good at all, but that she thought maybe it was just because he didn't want to be there. We didn't want to put him through an autopsy, we know he is in heaven and waiting for us there! I remember as a little girl, sitting in the pews of our QUIET little church. (I mean you could hear a pin drop at any given time!) After we would sing a hymn that my grandpa loved, in his loudest voice, he would shout, "AMEN!!!!!" I remember feeling so embarrassed! But looking back, I am so proud! Thats the memory I want to keep close to my heart! HE WAS SAVED AND IS HOME WITH OUR LORD AND SAVIOR! There is no doubt in my mind!
June 15th, Like I have mentioned before, I have A LOT of anxiety! I had to go to my grandpa's funeral, see people who I have not seen since getting diagnosed, not to mention this is the first funeral for my family ever! Pop was the first death in our immediate family. I also had tomorrow's biopsy looming over my head. It was all I could do to get through the funeral! I had to be there for my family. I feel partly to blame for his death because he fell when everyone was with me at the hospital. If my grandma were home that night, he might not have fallen! It was really one of the hardest days so far.
June 16th, The day of the second biopsy, I prayed for a new doctor to do this biopsy and I had decided that if Shaky Hands showed up, I was actually going to say something!! But, thankfully it was another doctor. He was much better than the last. He said last time, they had not got enough tissue to really test. So this time he was going to bring the samples up to pathology, while I was still on the table and make sure they had enough so I wouldn't have to go through this a 3rd time! He also mentioned that it looked like I had had this cancer for years! Well, I don't see how with the 5 million ultrasounds with Caylee's pregnancy, starting at 7 weeks along, they missed these huge tumors!! He was shocked to hear that! So I am on the table and he assures me that he got enough tissue, he was just going to make sure with pathology real quick. I am laying on the table BEGGING God to let it be done, that I couldn't take much more when he comes back in and says, "We didn't get enough, I have to do the do the biopsy again!" My heart sank and I literally yelled out, "NO!!!!!" He apologized and re-stuck me with the needle!
June 20th, We get the call from the Oncologist that we need to come in and get the results. So Jon, my friend Susie and I jump in the car and head to the Cancer Center at St Jude. We finally get called back and I could not concentrate! Thankfully, my friend Kira, made me a notebook for all my papers and notes and Susie was there to listen and fill it out for me! He informs us that it doesn't look like Ovarian, that it isn't acting like Ovarian cancer. He says it looks more like these are "satellite tumors" and the original tumors seem to be in my GI track somewhere. He mentioned stomach, colon and appendix. Then he starts saying that this is not a straight forward case and he is baffled and taking my case before the Tumor Board this coming Thursday. He also mentioned sending me to USC or UCI depending on what kind of cancer it is. I really shut down as he was talking. All I could think was that HE seemed scared and had no idea what we were up against. He then said he was sending me to see a Dr. Mathews, who would preform a Colonoscopy and and Endoscopy. He said that hopefully we would get some news and he would find the "Original tumor".
Later that day Dr. Mathews called me to come in for a late afternoon appointment. He wants to get these procedures done before the Tumor Board meets on Thursday. We (Jon, Susie and I) go in and there are Bible verses everywhere and he justs makes me feel so secure and for the first time, like I can beat it! He was the first doctor who was not talking to me like I am dying! He sets me up with the medication and all the instructions to have the procedures done Thursday morning! He said we will get instant results and he said to HOPE to find more tumors!! I thought (think) it was so weird to hope for more cancer in my body! But that was our prayer! He said he would give the results to Dr Panares for the Tumor Board later that day on Thursday.
June 22nd, This would be another hard day! All day I was on a strict diet of clear liquids. Which means, water, builloin, tea, and a popsicle! The medicene made me so sick! I can not tell you how sick I was! It was all I could do not to throw up! I also knew it was time to tell the kids. That night, I got out the teddy bears and books I sent away for from the Kids Konnection. It is an organization that is for children who have parents with cancer. We didn't want to actually tell them I had cancer, but Jonny (my oldest, 9yrs old) wouldn't let it go. I told them I was sick and had to get a lot more sick before I got better. He kept asking what was it called. Finally, I said, "I have cancer." Jonny asked to go to the bathroom right away. When he came back, I told him we have to pray together every night for me to heal and get better quickly. He told me that is what he did in the bathroom! Praise the LORD that my son's first instinct was to turn to the Lord! We prayed as a family right then and have been every night since! That night, I didn't sleep at all! I kept dreading the 4 am bottle of death I had to drink! After, I drank it, I was sick again!!
June 23rd, This morning was the worst I have ever felt in my life. I felt at any time I could pass out! I begged people to lay hands on me and pray me out of my misery! I am not a baby either! All I keep hearing from doctors is how they wish I didn't have such a high pain tolerance and they could have caught the cancer earlier. Any way, it was FINALLY my appointment time. They call me back and I just cant wait to be put under because I am so miserable! The time comes and they put me out. When I start coming to, I hear them say they found something! I am still groogy and can not put words together yet, but I knew this was a good thing. I get rolled back into a little recovery room and they call everyone who was there for me back. Jon, my mom and my aunt Nanny (Sandy) The doctors says my stomach was clear, but they found a tumor in my colon. Which is hereditary! My grandpa (Yep, Pop!) had colon cancer in his 60's. He says this is great news because colon cancer is WAY easier to treat than Ovarian!! He then says EVERYONE in my family needs to be checked for it! Aunts, uncles, siblings, mom, cousins, etc...
Later that day, Jon can't wait any longer and calls my oncologist. He said the results are good! That he is no longer going to refer me anywhere, we are just going to go straight to chemo because my colon is not blocked. He also said that on Monday they are going to surgically insert a Power Port for my chemo and for anytime they need blood from me. Tuesday I start chemo with 3 different medicenes for 4 hours, then I would have a bag and pump to take home with me and I return it on Thursdays. I do this 4 times in the next 8 weeks. After 8 weeks we will re-scan (CT Scan) to see what progress we have made!
June 24th, Today I get a call from a nurse from the infusion center. They need me to come down and get directions and special wipes for my Port procedure on Monday. I go down there with my mom, dad and Caylee. I walk into the infusion center and see where I am going to do my chemo treatments and see all the patients and I LOSE IT!!! I just grab the nurses hand and just start bawling!! This is all going too fast!!! I am too young!! I have too much anxiety!! I am not a strong enough person!! My babies don't deserve this!! My husband doesn't deserve this!!! I CAN'T DO THIS!!!!! Yes, sadly I let the enemy take hold of me for a little bit! She reassured me, she would help me through and we could do this! I compose myself, then feel like an idiot for melting down in front of everyone!
June 25th, Well, today was a good day! I felt sick this morning, but better now! It is 1 am, so anxiety is creeping in, especially since tomorrow is the Port procedure! To answer a few questions I get, What stage are you? I don't know and I don't want to know! I feel Satan will just use that to beat me down! What can I pray for? Complete healing for me and strength and comfort for my family, especially my kids! What can I do? PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!! Put me on your churches prayer list! I know that God can and will heal me! I need everyones help by just saying a few words to Him every night for me!!
Well, I think that this is long enough for my first post!! LOL!!! I will update as much as I possibly can!!! Thank you to everyone who is supporting us, we are really feeling everyones loves! We especially feel God's loving arms around us! Love you all!!