So let me start off by saying, I had been going to dark places. NOTHING in our life seemed to be going well! It was starting to get difficult to keep the faith. We were in a valley and needed a BIG boost to start going back up the peak! Between the cancer numbers, ADHD, the MOUNTING bills we can't pay, Caylee's UTI's, chemo, dr appts (not just my appts either)... we were just not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel! After that pretty picture was painted for you, I will let you all know what has happened in the past week!
Friday October 5th, I woke up just feeling so down about this stupid CT Scan. I was SO close to just calling and cancelling it! My thoughts were, "I was already told that there would be growth and I KNOW the devil will use that to get a hold of my mind and really bring me down even further than I already am." This scan wasn't going to heal me and also I just thought it was too soon to be doing one before we gave the chemo a little time to work. I had only had 2 rounds of chemo at this point. My mom, who is my voice of reason, even agreed with me and told me if I really felt that deeply about it, just postpone it! Not to mention, they scheduled it for 3:45pm and you have to fast before it. Then, you have to go in 2 hours before the procedure just to drink the nasty contrast. I was not looking forward to starving the entire day. But, I decided just to get it over with. I went in and did the scan. They told me that I would have my results by my dr appt on the following Tuesday.
I stressed all weekend and couldn't stop thinking about the stupid scan! I was more nervous about this scan than any other scan I have had. Tuesday (October 9th) finally came. For some reason, they scheduled my dr appt and chemo on the same day. Usually my appt is on Monday and then I come back the next day for treatment. But this time, they did it all in one shot. After waiting what seems an eternity, Dr Paneres walks in. He started off by reminding me that he was pretty sure the cancer had grown because my cancer numbers were at 35 before my gall bladder surgery and now they have jumped to 62 and have leveled out there. At this point, I got a lump in my throat and I geared up for the blow. Then he turned to me and said, "But for some reason, you show signs of shrinkage!" He said he was so surprised and didn't know how it happened. To that I just said, "It's all GOD!! He did this!" Then he told me that he couldn't wait for this appointment because he had more good news. He then went into reminding me how I am on my last chemo, I am allergic to 1, 2 other ones do not work on my tumors and I am on the 4th and final chemo. Next step for me is clinical trials. I said, Of course I remember! He looked at me and said, "They just approved a new colon cancer drug!! You are a perfect candidate for it! They call it the super Avastin!" I was shocked!! I am still shocked! This appointment was the biggest miracle we have received since this nightmare began! He said that I will not be starting this drug anytime soon since the cocktail I am on is working so well. But it is just another step before clinical trials if we need it! Since I was having chemo right after my appt, he wrapped it up quickly so I wouldn't be late to chemo. Of course now I have a billion questions to ask him about everything. Like, what the name of that drug is!! LOL!! Also, how much shrinkage did I have. Jon heard, "I showed signs of shrinkage" I heard, "There was shrinkage"! Two totally different things! I think anyways! I guess it really doesn't matter, because our prayer wasn't even for it to shrink. I am so unfaithful, I was just praying for it not to spread because I was positive that it had grown. So I just kept praying that it didn't spread to any other areas! I am so ashamed of myself and unworthy of his mercy! Even in my last post I had mentioned that it was hard to remember that God is bigger than the cancer, but I STILL did not get it, I honestly still cant fully wrap my head around his greatness! Needless to say, chemo was not easier physically to go through, but mentally, it was a breeze!!! I was on cloud 9 going to chemo!!
The next day, Jon received a phone call from Caylee's urologist. He asked if we would rather come in for the results or do a phone appointment right then. Of course we wanted to save the $50 co-pay and get the results right then instead of waiting until the 17th to hear about our baby. So to wrap up what he said, he said that her valves are broken. So the valves that stop the urine from going from the bladder back up to the kidneys are not working. He said we have got to get her potty trained (which I have been trying to do for a YEAR now!!) I have potty trained probably around 75 kids in my life being a preschool teacher and I can NOT get my own daughter to go poo poo in the potty!! REALLY??!! He said she needs to stay on a continual dose of antibiotics until she is fully potty trained and that is why he needs it to happen quickly because he does not want her getting immune to the antibiotics. He said he thinks she may grow out of this problem, but if she doesn't, she will need surgery to repair the valves. He said that he wants to see her again in AUGUST!!! He said that will give her time to potty train and hopefully let the valves fix themselves. SO ANOTHER HUGE ANSWER TO PRAYER!!!
This was our week of miracles. God is SO good and we are so undeserving of his grace!! I just can't tell you how small I feel and really unfaithful. Keep praying for us! We still have a long way to go, but we are getting there! HE REALLY IS LISTENING TO OUR CRIES!!! Thank you all for each and every prayer you say for me and my family! We appreciate it more than you know!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!!
WE HAVE BEEN SO BUSY!! I have no other excuse for taking so long between blog posts! Jon is working late, again, so I thought I would take this alone time and catch everyone up on the lives of the Adamik family! I think I will do things a little different and instead of going by dates, I will go by the individual person in the family.
We will start with Caylee. She had her appointment with the urologist who did an abdominal ultrasound and told us she needed to have the VCUG. Then proceeded to ask why we denied the procedure with St Jude! We explained that the St Jude radiologists seemed reluctant to do it and we just didn't feel comfortable with her having to do that test with only having 1 UTI. He agreed with us and then said that he would be sending her to CHOC (Children's Hospital of Orange County) to have the procedure done. So, the time came (Friday September 28th) and we took her in to have it done. St Jude had told us it would take over an hour for the whole procedure, start to finish!!! CHOC told us that they would have it done in under 15 mins, but they still refused to give her any sort of sedation. Jon was brave enough to take her back and hold her down while they put the catheter in and emptied her bladder, then filled it up with contrast and take x-rays. They walked back into the waiting room where my mom, Susie and I were waiting on pins and needles and Caylee flew into my arms and just cried so hard!! She then said, "They took my diaper off!!" She just felt so violated and uncomfortable. It was the worst moment of my life and I have had a LOT of bad moments! I am crying just thinking about it. Thankfully, my mom had come up with the idea to buy her a couple of little gifts to give her when she came out and we gave them to her right then! 2 seconds later she was oohing and ahhing over the new Strawberry Shortcake doll and lotion set my mom and I bought her. I on the other hand, was not so easily over it. The doctor told us she would be over it physically right away! So after nap, we took her and the boys to Disneyland with my sister and her sons!
We have an appt with the urologist on October 17th to go over the results of the VCUG!
Josiah has been doing well! We found a christian counselor! He has been seeing her every other week. He doesn't like going and getting him to participate is a chore, but he is going!! She told us that we have done a great job with him by encouraging his love of being a "Godiner" (this is exactly how he spells gardener!) He loves to plant, water and weed! We have actually eaten his peas for dinner! She told us that gardening is very therapeutic and calming! I just wanted to keep him busy and out of trouble! LOL!
School wise he is doing well also. We have parent/teacher conferences coming up next week, but we are not hearing any negatives like we were in the previous years. He, for the first time, started going straight up to the table and doing his homework without me pulling teeth. I mean he literally comes home and pulls his homework out and does it quietly!! ITS AMAZING!! But let me tell you, that little boy keeps me on my toes!! He is a busy little guy!!
Jonny has also started going to counseling with his brother! He likes it a lot more that Joey does. He actually talks and is interested in it! Hopefully it will rub off on his brother!
He loves school and told me he has goals this year to be proficient in Language Arts!! I was so proud of him. Having goals is a big thing for me! I want my children to reach for the stars! He also starts band tomorrow! He is very excited about that too!
Soccer is his love though, we have been in full soccer mode for the past month! He has soccer practice 2 times a week for 1.5 hours and then a game on Saturday! My husband and dad think they are the coaches though! I have told Jonny to tune them out and listen to his real coach! ha ha! Poor kid! But, if you ever want to see pure joy, just watch Jonny play soccer. He has a permanent smile on his face the entire time!!
Jon is busier than ever! The poor guy never stops. He takes the boys to counseling, works full time, never misses a soccer games, has gone to every one of Caylee's dr appts and tries to make it to as many of mine as he can. Every so often (not often enough) he tries to get away with the guys and do something on his own. He really wants to go hunting with a buddy for the day next week and I am praying it happens!
Now we end with me!! I am already so over chemo!! I have had 2 rounds already and the week in between just flies by! I am trying to keep myself really busy by planning baby showers, birthdays and upcoming holidays. I feel like if I keep busy, the cancer won't catch up to me! I have a CT Scan on Friday and I think we are all afraid of what the results are going to be. Even my dr mentioned that they might not be good because of my recent surgery or something like that. I have stopped paying attention to be honest. I just do what I am told and go through all the motions like a good girl! I know that the cancer has grown because my numbers have been through the roof! I had been off for a while though and I need to remember that. It is just so easy for the devil to play tricks with my mind. I have been really trying to get into the Word and Jon and I started a prayer journal that we actually have been doing pretty good at keeping up with! I have also started going to the Friday morning ladies Bible study, so what did I expect. Of course Satan would come attacking!! But luckily my God is way bigger than all of this!! He is way bigger than cancer, I know that sounds like a no-brainer, but when you are in this storm, it is sometimes hard to see that!!
If you are still reading this, THANK YOU FRIEND!!! Keep praying for my family, HE IS LISTENING!!!!! Love you all so much!!
We will start with Caylee. She had her appointment with the urologist who did an abdominal ultrasound and told us she needed to have the VCUG. Then proceeded to ask why we denied the procedure with St Jude! We explained that the St Jude radiologists seemed reluctant to do it and we just didn't feel comfortable with her having to do that test with only having 1 UTI. He agreed with us and then said that he would be sending her to CHOC (Children's Hospital of Orange County) to have the procedure done. So, the time came (Friday September 28th) and we took her in to have it done. St Jude had told us it would take over an hour for the whole procedure, start to finish!!! CHOC told us that they would have it done in under 15 mins, but they still refused to give her any sort of sedation. Jon was brave enough to take her back and hold her down while they put the catheter in and emptied her bladder, then filled it up with contrast and take x-rays. They walked back into the waiting room where my mom, Susie and I were waiting on pins and needles and Caylee flew into my arms and just cried so hard!! She then said, "They took my diaper off!!" She just felt so violated and uncomfortable. It was the worst moment of my life and I have had a LOT of bad moments! I am crying just thinking about it. Thankfully, my mom had come up with the idea to buy her a couple of little gifts to give her when she came out and we gave them to her right then! 2 seconds later she was oohing and ahhing over the new Strawberry Shortcake doll and lotion set my mom and I bought her. I on the other hand, was not so easily over it. The doctor told us she would be over it physically right away! So after nap, we took her and the boys to Disneyland with my sister and her sons!
We have an appt with the urologist on October 17th to go over the results of the VCUG!
Josiah has been doing well! We found a christian counselor! He has been seeing her every other week. He doesn't like going and getting him to participate is a chore, but he is going!! She told us that we have done a great job with him by encouraging his love of being a "Godiner" (this is exactly how he spells gardener!) He loves to plant, water and weed! We have actually eaten his peas for dinner! She told us that gardening is very therapeutic and calming! I just wanted to keep him busy and out of trouble! LOL!
School wise he is doing well also. We have parent/teacher conferences coming up next week, but we are not hearing any negatives like we were in the previous years. He, for the first time, started going straight up to the table and doing his homework without me pulling teeth. I mean he literally comes home and pulls his homework out and does it quietly!! ITS AMAZING!! But let me tell you, that little boy keeps me on my toes!! He is a busy little guy!!
Jonny has also started going to counseling with his brother! He likes it a lot more that Joey does. He actually talks and is interested in it! Hopefully it will rub off on his brother!
He loves school and told me he has goals this year to be proficient in Language Arts!! I was so proud of him. Having goals is a big thing for me! I want my children to reach for the stars! He also starts band tomorrow! He is very excited about that too!
Soccer is his love though, we have been in full soccer mode for the past month! He has soccer practice 2 times a week for 1.5 hours and then a game on Saturday! My husband and dad think they are the coaches though! I have told Jonny to tune them out and listen to his real coach! ha ha! Poor kid! But, if you ever want to see pure joy, just watch Jonny play soccer. He has a permanent smile on his face the entire time!!
Jon is busier than ever! The poor guy never stops. He takes the boys to counseling, works full time, never misses a soccer games, has gone to every one of Caylee's dr appts and tries to make it to as many of mine as he can. Every so often (not often enough) he tries to get away with the guys and do something on his own. He really wants to go hunting with a buddy for the day next week and I am praying it happens!
Now we end with me!! I am already so over chemo!! I have had 2 rounds already and the week in between just flies by! I am trying to keep myself really busy by planning baby showers, birthdays and upcoming holidays. I feel like if I keep busy, the cancer won't catch up to me! I have a CT Scan on Friday and I think we are all afraid of what the results are going to be. Even my dr mentioned that they might not be good because of my recent surgery or something like that. I have stopped paying attention to be honest. I just do what I am told and go through all the motions like a good girl! I know that the cancer has grown because my numbers have been through the roof! I had been off for a while though and I need to remember that. It is just so easy for the devil to play tricks with my mind. I have been really trying to get into the Word and Jon and I started a prayer journal that we actually have been doing pretty good at keeping up with! I have also started going to the Friday morning ladies Bible study, so what did I expect. Of course Satan would come attacking!! But luckily my God is way bigger than all of this!! He is way bigger than cancer, I know that sounds like a no-brainer, but when you are in this storm, it is sometimes hard to see that!!
If you are still reading this, THANK YOU FRIEND!!! Keep praying for my family, HE IS LISTENING!!!!! Love you all so much!!
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