WE BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!!!

So let me start off by saying, I had been going to dark places.  NOTHING in our life seemed to be going well! It was starting to get difficult to keep the faith.  We were in a valley and needed a BIG boost to start going back up the peak! Between the cancer numbers, ADHD, the MOUNTING bills we can't pay, Caylee's UTI's, chemo, dr appts (not just my appts either)... we were just not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel! After that pretty picture was painted for you, I will let you all know what has happened in the past week!

Friday October 5th, I woke up just feeling so down about this stupid CT Scan.  I was SO close to just calling and cancelling it! My thoughts were, "I was already told that there would be growth and I KNOW the devil will use that to get a hold of my mind and really bring me down even further than I already am."  This scan wasn't going to heal me and also I just thought it was too soon to be doing one before we gave the chemo a little time to work.  I had only had 2 rounds of chemo at this point.  My mom, who is my voice of reason, even agreed with me and told me if I really felt that deeply about it, just postpone it!  Not to mention, they scheduled it for 3:45pm and you have to fast before it.  Then, you have to go in 2 hours before the procedure just to drink the nasty contrast.  I was not looking forward to starving the entire day.  But, I decided just to get it over with.  I went in and did the scan.  They told me that I would have my results by my dr appt on the following Tuesday. 

I stressed all weekend and couldn't stop thinking about the stupid scan! I was more nervous about this scan than any other scan I have had.  Tuesday (October  9th) finally came.  For some reason, they scheduled my dr appt and chemo on the same day. Usually my appt is on Monday and then I come back the next day for treatment.  But this time, they did it all in one shot.  After waiting what seems an eternity, Dr Paneres walks in.  He started off by reminding me that he was pretty sure the cancer had grown because my cancer numbers were at 35 before my gall bladder surgery and now they have jumped to 62 and have leveled out there.  At this point, I got a lump in my throat and I geared up for the blow.  Then he turned to me and said, "But for some reason, you show signs of shrinkage!" He said he was so surprised and didn't know how it happened.  To that I just said, "It's all GOD!! He did this!" Then he told me that he couldn't wait for this appointment because he had more good news.  He then went into reminding me how I am on my last chemo, I am allergic to 1, 2 other ones do not work on my tumors and I am on the 4th and final chemo.  Next step for me is clinical trials.  I said, Of course I remember! He looked at me and said, "They just approved a new colon cancer drug!! You are a perfect candidate for it! They call it the super Avastin!" I was shocked!! I am still shocked! This appointment was the biggest miracle we have received since this nightmare began! He said that I will not be starting this drug anytime soon since the cocktail I am on is working so well.  But it is just another step before clinical trials if we need it! Since I was having chemo right after my appt, he wrapped it up quickly so I wouldn't be late to chemo.  Of course now I have a billion questions to ask him about everything.  Like, what the name of that drug is!! LOL!! Also, how much shrinkage did I have.  Jon heard, "I showed signs of shrinkage" I heard, "There was shrinkage"! Two totally different things! I think anyways! I guess it really doesn't matter, because our prayer wasn't even for it to shrink.  I am so unfaithful, I was just praying for it not to spread because I was positive that it had grown.  So I just kept praying that it didn't spread to any other areas! I am so ashamed of myself and unworthy of his mercy! Even in my last post I had mentioned that it was hard to remember that God is bigger than the cancer, but I STILL did not get it, I honestly still cant fully wrap my head around his greatness!  Needless to say, chemo was not easier physically to go through, but mentally, it was a breeze!!! I was on cloud 9 going to chemo!!

The next day, Jon received a phone call from Caylee's urologist.  He asked if we would rather come in for the results or do a phone appointment right then.  Of course we wanted to save the $50 co-pay and get the results right then instead of waiting until the 17th to hear about our baby.  So to wrap up what he said, he said that her valves are broken.  So the valves that stop the urine from going from the bladder back up to the kidneys are not working.  He said we have got to get her potty trained (which I have been trying to do for a YEAR now!!) I have potty trained probably around 75 kids in my life being a preschool teacher and I can NOT get my own daughter to go poo poo in the potty!! REALLY??!! He said she needs to stay on a continual dose of antibiotics until she is fully potty trained and that is why he needs it to happen quickly because he does not want her getting immune to the antibiotics.  He said he thinks she may grow out of this problem, but if she doesn't, she will need surgery to repair the valves.  He said that he wants to see her again in AUGUST!!! He said that will give her time to potty train and  hopefully let the valves fix themselves. SO ANOTHER HUGE ANSWER TO PRAYER!!!

This was our week of miracles.  God is SO good and we are so undeserving of his grace!! I just can't tell you how small I feel and really unfaithful.  Keep praying for us! We still have a long way to go, but we are getting there! HE REALLY IS LISTENING TO OUR CRIES!!! Thank you all for each and every prayer you say for me and my family! We appreciate it more than you know!