I started the new pills on Wednesday the 16th. I take a total of 8 pills a day, 4 at 8am and 4 at 5pm. I do this for 2 weeks, then have a week off from everything. So, I started my pills that (Wednesday) morning, went in and had my regular doctors appointment. I didn't ask what my cancer numbers were this time, I was too preoccupied with the new pills. The doctor seemed a little nervous about me starting these pills, but knew I needed them because I am done doing the 5-FU. I think because of human error. I could forget to take the pills, or take them late, etc... He said if I have any side effects to call him. BUT I KNOW I WILL NOT BE MAKING THAT PHONE CALL!!
After my appointment, I went to my regular chemo. I had chemo for 4 to 5 hours, forgetting that I am getting practically a double dose of it because I now get 2 weeks between my chemo sessions. Then went home. I have not missed any pills and have been doing really good on them! GOD IS GOOD!! It has been almost a week and had almost a double dose of my IV chemo and I do not have any side effects. So thank you for all your prayers, again God has been merciful to me and has given me strength to keep going!
So my new chemo schedule is 2 weeks on the pills and I do a double dose of my IV chemo on the first day, then 1 week off of everything. I will get 2 weeks off between chemo sessions. I don't go back to chemo until February 7th!!!! PRAISE JESUS!!!!!!!!!
Also, we want to kindly remind everyone that I have a compromised immune system. With it being cold and flu season we want to ask that everyone be symptom free for at least 48 hours before coming around. It may be a tiny runny nose to you, but for me, it could mean a hospital trip. We are not singling anyone out, this is a household rule for everyone!!! I WILL BE HOSPITALIZED FOR A FEVER OF 100.5!!! Thank you for understanding and please do not take offense to this!! There are times I have to be a little selfish and this is one of those times.
I love you all and thank you so much for your prayers!! Remember, GOD IS LISTENING!!! I am just in awe of all the prayers he has answered so far!!! Keep praying for full and complete healing!!!
Monday, January 21, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
New chemo!!!
I wanted to update everyone and let them know I have made a BIG decision to quit doing the 5-FU (the take home) Chemo!!! I just hate doing it, it really breaks my spirits and has me in a bad place the whole time I am doing it. We found out that the 5-FU is one of the only chemos that come in pill form also! It is called Xeloda. They should be delivered tomorrow! So we should be starting that this week. There are some side effects that I need you to pray I don't have!! Obviously nausea and vomiting. Another is what they call hand and foot syndrome. Pretty much your hands and feet get extremely dry, turn red, and very itchy. Pretty much the most terrible case of eczema you can think of!! Constipation and/or diarrhea, problems with your sense of taste, tiredness and/or weakness and mouth sores. Please pray I am the 20% who doesn't not have any side effects from these pills. I really think that these pills will fit so much better with my life, especially if I don't have the side effects.
I will update again once I start my pills or after my doctor appointment on Wednesday, which ever comes first!! Thanks for all the prayers. Keep them up!! God is listening!!
I will update again once I start my pills or after my doctor appointment on Wednesday, which ever comes first!! Thanks for all the prayers. Keep them up!! God is listening!!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year!!
I had my CT scan and it went well, even though the nurse had absolutely no idea how to access my port and poked me 5 times. After the 5th time, I told them to stop, that I would go up to the infusion center and have them access it for me. The infusion center nurse got it in one poke, like always!! The first nurse had me laying on the ct scan machine, while another nurse tried squeezing my port (through my skin) because she thought it was rolling back and forth inside my chest! When I told the infusion center nurse that the other nurses thought that my port was rolling back and forth and that was why they didn't get it, the nurse just rolled her eyes!
My doctor appointment and chemo are scheduled for tomorrow morning. (well, my appointment is canceled now) I had told everyone who asked about the results that I didn't expect the them until my appointment on Wednesday. They always say no news is good news. I usually always get my results at my doctor appointment that followed the CT scan. (which is always the following week) I had no reason to believe otherwise.
After the scan we went to lunch, we got home around noon. I took a nap and woke up about 2:00pm. Jon and I were hanging out in our room when the phone rings. We looked at the caller ID and it was the doctors office. I FROZE!!! I just knew it was bad news because they have never called us to give us the results and especially only a few hours after the scan!!! Jon answered the phone and usually they will just talk to Jon and he relays the message to me. They specifically asked for me!! Jon tried to hand me the phone and I just couldn't take it from him. A million things raced through my head, but I kept thinking, "This is it!! This is the call we have been dreading the past year and a half" I then looked around realizing all my kids were in the room with us. I told Jon to get them out of the room. He threw the phone at me and ushered the kids out. I said "Hello?" and the lady on the other end said, "Hello Christianne? This is Lisa from Dr Panares' office!" I thought, OH GREAT!! It must be bad, I have no idea who this lady is!!! I only deal with LeAnn and Helen!! I said, "OK..." she said, "Dr Paneres got your scan results and he wanted me to call you and let you know that everything is stable! There is no growth and the chemo is doing its job!" I can not explain how I felt at that moment. Scared, relieved, mad, confused... I just started crying and said, "DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARED YOU HAD ME???? I have ALWAYS been told no news is good news and you call me only hours after the test!!!" She kind of chuckled and said, "I am so sorry, I hope those are tears of joy!" I said, "I don't know what they are!" She then said, "Well I am truly sorry to scare you, but have a great weekend!"
I hung up and just sat there crying on my bed!! I just needed a release from this whole bumpy road that is my life!! Being told AGAIN to expect growth because my numbers keep going up, then being told, nothing is wrong! I am so thankful for this rollercoaster ride that is my life, I still have LIFE!! But I have to say, it is so stressful!
So that brings us to today!! The start of 2013! I am so happy and thankful to God to see another year! It does make me realize how quickly my life is going! Sometimes I think, "I can't believe its been a year and a half already since I was diagnosed" then (usually while on chemo) I think, "I can NOT do this any longer, its been a year and a half!!!!" Sometimes I am so thankful to God for every second he has given me with my family and other times I am so upset thinking "Why me??? What did I do to deserve this?? Why do MY kids have to go through this? Its NOT FAIR!!" On those days, I just flip open the Bible and beg God to show me the lesson he wants me to learn from this and how to tell others of his love for us! Man! When I get better, I have a feeling I will be doing A LOT of witnessing! Even now its easier for me to be blunt about God with others because knowing you are so close to death, it really makes you not care what anyone thinks about you! I am more opened now to being used by God than ever in my life before. I also think it has made me a better mom because I am constantly talking to the kids about Jesus and making sure they are praying and making right choices. I tell them straight out, the only way we will be together forever is if you love Jesus and you have asked him into your heart! We talk more openly about our faith with them now, than before I had cancer. I used to have the mentality that, "They will learn it in Sunday School! I am here to make sure they don't get hurt, meet their needs financially and emotionally!" I never took responsibility for their walk with Christ! That has completely changed, it is my top priority to make sure they are strong Christian men and woman! So one of my goals for 2013 is to be used by God as much as he wants to use me!! I know, coming from me is crazy right? No! I didn't take my Xanax today! LOL! This is just one of my new goals for 2013!
I look at my life, my fresh scars on my body, my thinning hair, my dark circles under my eyes, my yellowish skin, my new habits, all my new normals and for the first time since finding out about cancer, I feel steady!! Yes the boat is rocking back and forth out of control, but with GOD AS MY ANCHOR I can finally stand up without being knocked back down and start really living life again. Life where cancer is not who or what I am, its just another thing I need to deal with! A life that includes putting my husband and kids first above all "things" in my life. My priorities have really been messed up this past 1 1/2 years! Now with the help of God, our counselor, family and friends, I am confident I will get back to putting my husband and kids first in my life right after God! Its time for me to step up and become the wife and mother that I have always wanted to be! After spending over a year with Jon in this uncharted desert, it made me realize he is truly the man God intended for me! There is no other man on Earth who would do what Jon has done(and still does) for me during this time. Does that mean we are a perfect couple, NO!!! I have not been the wife that God intended me to be and now my eyes have been opened to that. My goal for 2013 is not to lose weight, its not to work out more or to spend less money. Although, those are all great resolutions. My goal is to put GOD first, then my husband and then my kids, in that order in my life! With that being said more time with family, means less time with the laptop, texting and spending more time with my family. I hope all my friends can be understanding and know when I don't text right back or have to say no to them, that its nothing against them, its just me trying to be a better wife and mother.
Well I hope this all made sense, it is really late as I write this! Keep praying for me GOD IS LISTENING!! That we know FOR SURE!!! He has never let us down!!!!
My doctor appointment and chemo are scheduled for tomorrow morning. (well, my appointment is canceled now) I had told everyone who asked about the results that I didn't expect the them until my appointment on Wednesday. They always say no news is good news. I usually always get my results at my doctor appointment that followed the CT scan. (which is always the following week) I had no reason to believe otherwise.
After the scan we went to lunch, we got home around noon. I took a nap and woke up about 2:00pm. Jon and I were hanging out in our room when the phone rings. We looked at the caller ID and it was the doctors office. I FROZE!!! I just knew it was bad news because they have never called us to give us the results and especially only a few hours after the scan!!! Jon answered the phone and usually they will just talk to Jon and he relays the message to me. They specifically asked for me!! Jon tried to hand me the phone and I just couldn't take it from him. A million things raced through my head, but I kept thinking, "This is it!! This is the call we have been dreading the past year and a half" I then looked around realizing all my kids were in the room with us. I told Jon to get them out of the room. He threw the phone at me and ushered the kids out. I said "Hello?" and the lady on the other end said, "Hello Christianne? This is Lisa from Dr Panares' office!" I thought, OH GREAT!! It must be bad, I have no idea who this lady is!!! I only deal with LeAnn and Helen!! I said, "OK..." she said, "Dr Paneres got your scan results and he wanted me to call you and let you know that everything is stable! There is no growth and the chemo is doing its job!" I can not explain how I felt at that moment. Scared, relieved, mad, confused... I just started crying and said, "DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARED YOU HAD ME???? I have ALWAYS been told no news is good news and you call me only hours after the test!!!" She kind of chuckled and said, "I am so sorry, I hope those are tears of joy!" I said, "I don't know what they are!" She then said, "Well I am truly sorry to scare you, but have a great weekend!"
I hung up and just sat there crying on my bed!! I just needed a release from this whole bumpy road that is my life!! Being told AGAIN to expect growth because my numbers keep going up, then being told, nothing is wrong! I am so thankful for this rollercoaster ride that is my life, I still have LIFE!! But I have to say, it is so stressful!
So that brings us to today!! The start of 2013! I am so happy and thankful to God to see another year! It does make me realize how quickly my life is going! Sometimes I think, "I can't believe its been a year and a half already since I was diagnosed" then (usually while on chemo) I think, "I can NOT do this any longer, its been a year and a half!!!!" Sometimes I am so thankful to God for every second he has given me with my family and other times I am so upset thinking "Why me??? What did I do to deserve this?? Why do MY kids have to go through this? Its NOT FAIR!!" On those days, I just flip open the Bible and beg God to show me the lesson he wants me to learn from this and how to tell others of his love for us! Man! When I get better, I have a feeling I will be doing A LOT of witnessing! Even now its easier for me to be blunt about God with others because knowing you are so close to death, it really makes you not care what anyone thinks about you! I am more opened now to being used by God than ever in my life before. I also think it has made me a better mom because I am constantly talking to the kids about Jesus and making sure they are praying and making right choices. I tell them straight out, the only way we will be together forever is if you love Jesus and you have asked him into your heart! We talk more openly about our faith with them now, than before I had cancer. I used to have the mentality that, "They will learn it in Sunday School! I am here to make sure they don't get hurt, meet their needs financially and emotionally!" I never took responsibility for their walk with Christ! That has completely changed, it is my top priority to make sure they are strong Christian men and woman! So one of my goals for 2013 is to be used by God as much as he wants to use me!! I know, coming from me is crazy right? No! I didn't take my Xanax today! LOL! This is just one of my new goals for 2013!
I look at my life, my fresh scars on my body, my thinning hair, my dark circles under my eyes, my yellowish skin, my new habits, all my new normals and for the first time since finding out about cancer, I feel steady!! Yes the boat is rocking back and forth out of control, but with GOD AS MY ANCHOR I can finally stand up without being knocked back down and start really living life again. Life where cancer is not who or what I am, its just another thing I need to deal with! A life that includes putting my husband and kids first above all "things" in my life. My priorities have really been messed up this past 1 1/2 years! Now with the help of God, our counselor, family and friends, I am confident I will get back to putting my husband and kids first in my life right after God! Its time for me to step up and become the wife and mother that I have always wanted to be! After spending over a year with Jon in this uncharted desert, it made me realize he is truly the man God intended for me! There is no other man on Earth who would do what Jon has done(and still does) for me during this time. Does that mean we are a perfect couple, NO!!! I have not been the wife that God intended me to be and now my eyes have been opened to that. My goal for 2013 is not to lose weight, its not to work out more or to spend less money. Although, those are all great resolutions. My goal is to put GOD first, then my husband and then my kids, in that order in my life! With that being said more time with family, means less time with the laptop, texting and spending more time with my family. I hope all my friends can be understanding and know when I don't text right back or have to say no to them, that its nothing against them, its just me trying to be a better wife and mother.
Well I hope this all made sense, it is really late as I write this! Keep praying for me GOD IS LISTENING!! That we know FOR SURE!!! He has never let us down!!!!
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