Tomorrow is the big day! CT scan time! It is weird, the more CT's I get the more worried over them I am! You would think it is old hat with having them every 3 to 4 months! It has been 18 months now! I have had over 10 easy since this whole ordeal has started. With each one, I am more nervous than the last! I am pretty sure it is because my numbers are going up, so I of course, go to the worst case scenario! I need to trust that God is in control! Something I really struggle with! I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but the verse that was totally written for me is, Matthew 6:34, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." If I could just live that verse, my life would be a LOT easier! But that is easier said than done! So I need prayer for my nerves and for the the CT scan to show no cancer growth or lets go even bigger and pray for more shrinkage!!!
Also, I do have another prayer request! I have not been allowed to floss or go to the dentist in over 18 months!!! (since chemo) I am also not allowed to brush hard, but that is where I cross the line! Anyways, I was brushing and noticed a spot that I thought was chocolate in my teeth that would not go away! Yep!! You guessed it.... MY FIRST CAVITY!!!! I noticed it on the Saturday before Christmas and I really think it has got so much bigger in just a couple days! So while I am waiting for my 2 hour time period drinking the contrast tomorrow down stairs from my doctor appointment, Jon will run upstairs and try to talk to the doctor on what we need to do! I called my dentist today. They have been closed for Christmas for the past 4 days!! But, they didn't know what to do!! They said that I had to ask my doctor. Well, getting a hold of my doctor on the phone is near impossible, so we are going to try to do it face to face tomorrow! So pray that Jon gets to talk to the doctor and find out what we need to do! Pray that I won't need to take time off chemo (I CAN NOT BELIEVE I JUST TYPED THAT!!) Also, pray that the cavity is not too bad (That it can just be filled!) and they can get it done quickly!! I would love to get it done before the 1st of the year for deductible reasons!! Yes!! Something we have been thinking about! Getting the CT Scan done, prescriptions filled, dentist done all before the 1st of January, to save money!!
A small struggle we have been having that could use prayer is our battle with Walgreens over filling my prescription. They have been lying to us, telling us that our insurance wouldn't fill my pain pills because I have too many of them, or its been too quickly since the last prescription (even though it was a BRAND NEW script!!) Jon finally lost it on them and screamed at them saying that I am not dealing with a broken finger or minor back problems, that I have stage 4 cancer!! He also had them look up my other prescriptions to prove I have cancer! Well they continued to blame the insurance company. (wow!! This sounds like I am a total pill head!! But they had to up my Norco milligrams because of my headaches! So, I went back to 10 mgs Norco and the dr wanted me to keep the 5 mg also to adjust my pills accordingly. I am allowed to take 20 mgs every 4 hours if I would like, I usually take 5mg and if it is bad 10mg) So Jon called the insurance company to scream at them. Before he could say anything, they tell him they PAID WALGREENS DAYS AGO FOR THOSE PRESCRIPTIONS!!!! They said they never had a problem with me having those prescriptions! So they had already gave Walgreens the $126 for each prescription and they wouldn't release them to me!!! So it just feels like EVERY LITTLE THING in our life is a fight right now! Even getting the medicine I am prescribed by a doctor! When Jon called them back to confront them, the pharmacist starts saying how she is afraid they are going to take her license and that is why she won't give us my pills! So after much arguing, she released my pills. So, now we have to move all my prescriptions to a different pharmacy because we do NOT have the energy to fight for what is rightfully mine every single month!!!! But now we have the headache of moving all my scripts!! UGH! It never ends!! LOL!!
The boys are doing well, we have another counseling session this Saturday. We are becoming so close over the journals we have been writing back and forth to each other. They really love doing it!! I highly suggest starting one with your children!! I can not believe some of the things they write!! I end up in tears because there are such sweet words coming from my boys! It is one of the best things I have done with them ever and they will have them for the rest of their lives!
Jonny (11 years old) is starting to worry that he has cancer!! He finally told me about a week ago. I also made the mistake of trying to shelter my kids and the day of the Newtown CT school shootings, I turned off the TV and we didn't talk about it! Well, the school did talk about it. My mistake BIG TIME!! I should have known better! Well Jonny didn't even make it half day when he called crying saying his stomach hurt. We picked him up from school and a little bit later he was fine. I just honestly cant imagine the stress my kids are under! Its so not fair!! PLEASE PRAY FOR MY LITTLE ONES!! I just remember how hard it was on Jon when his mom was battling cancer and he was 22 years old!! I am so afraid they are just going to snap! We will let the counselor know all this on Saturday though. At our last counseling session, she said she had games that she is preparing to play with them to get them to open up to her more! So hopefully she will be making some big steps with them soon!
We had a great Christmas!! We were truly blessed this holiday season! I am so sad it is over!! I feel like I blink and a whole month has passed me by! The boys were in a Christmas program at the church and it was beautiful! We got to be greeters before the program, which was a first for our family! Well, I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas celebrating the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ! Thank you so much for all your prayers and for reading my book of a post!! Keep praying, God is listening!!!!! Love you all!!
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Brain CT scan results are in!!
I will cut to the chase because I just finished this round of chemo and am not feeling so hot right now! My oncologist's head nurse called yesterday and said I was in the clear! They could not find anything wrong with my brain! Praise the Lord, what a blessing and gift this Christmas season!! Now I just have to deal with these headaches, but I will take them if it means no new cancer in the brain or any brain bleeds!!
Thank you all so much for all the prayers! AGAIN!! GOD IS LISTENING!!
Thank you all so much for all the prayers! AGAIN!! GOD IS LISTENING!!
Monday, December 17, 2012
Not just your run of the mill doctor appointment!
December 17th, 2012 HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY TO OUR SWEET GIRL, CAYLEE!!
I have quickly learned that cancer doesn't care if it's your wedding day, anniversary or in my case... my only daughter's birthday!! It takes priority! :( I have to stay on schedule and today was my doctor appointment. It was supposed to be no big deal, just a normal appointment of blood work, blood pressure reading and seeing the doctor. I made it early so we could get home and spend the day with Caylee! But, I had mentioned I was still getting the headaches, but they were not as bad. Then he reminded me that the reason they were not so bad was because he upped my pain meds! OH YA!! LOL! I didn't think of that! So he pretty much said enough is enough and ordered a CT Scan of my brain STAT! He didn't want me to have more Avastin tomorrow if it was causing a brain bleed. So we checked out and scheduled the CT and we had 45 minutes to spare. We walked to Panera and had a quick breakfast and then headed back to St Jude.
We checked in and it was the quickest CT I have EVER had!!!! They called me back and I was in and out in about 10 minutes, if that!! As I was getting off the machine, the guy who runs the machine said that one of his jobs is to put a rush on the scans that seem abnormal. He said he technically isn't the one who reads the scans, but that after seeing my scan, he would NOT be putting a STAT on my scan!!! PRAISE GOD!!! He said that my doctor would have my result either that afternoon or the following morning and that no news is good news!! So far so good! We have not heard from the doctor!
I have had such a peace about this whole situation. I have felt God's hand in this the entire time. I have not even worried about this at all. I just hope I get an answer for these headaches and not just told, "It's stress!!" Then, there is nothing really I can do for them. I am not willing to slow my life down, not for cancer and certainly not for headaches!! I want as normal life for my family as we can get! Please keep praying for us!! We have come so far!! Please pray for my chemo tomorrow and the days that I am in bed with the chemo, that they go quickly!! I HATE IT!!!!!! Thanks for listening! Love you all!!
I have quickly learned that cancer doesn't care if it's your wedding day, anniversary or in my case... my only daughter's birthday!! It takes priority! :( I have to stay on schedule and today was my doctor appointment. It was supposed to be no big deal, just a normal appointment of blood work, blood pressure reading and seeing the doctor. I made it early so we could get home and spend the day with Caylee! But, I had mentioned I was still getting the headaches, but they were not as bad. Then he reminded me that the reason they were not so bad was because he upped my pain meds! OH YA!! LOL! I didn't think of that! So he pretty much said enough is enough and ordered a CT Scan of my brain STAT! He didn't want me to have more Avastin tomorrow if it was causing a brain bleed. So we checked out and scheduled the CT and we had 45 minutes to spare. We walked to Panera and had a quick breakfast and then headed back to St Jude.
We checked in and it was the quickest CT I have EVER had!!!! They called me back and I was in and out in about 10 minutes, if that!! As I was getting off the machine, the guy who runs the machine said that one of his jobs is to put a rush on the scans that seem abnormal. He said he technically isn't the one who reads the scans, but that after seeing my scan, he would NOT be putting a STAT on my scan!!! PRAISE GOD!!! He said that my doctor would have my result either that afternoon or the following morning and that no news is good news!! So far so good! We have not heard from the doctor!
I have had such a peace about this whole situation. I have felt God's hand in this the entire time. I have not even worried about this at all. I just hope I get an answer for these headaches and not just told, "It's stress!!" Then, there is nothing really I can do for them. I am not willing to slow my life down, not for cancer and certainly not for headaches!! I want as normal life for my family as we can get! Please keep praying for us!! We have come so far!! Please pray for my chemo tomorrow and the days that I am in bed with the chemo, that they go quickly!! I HATE IT!!!!!! Thanks for listening! Love you all!!
Friday, December 14, 2012
CT Scan AGAIN!!
Here I am already.. waiting to get another scan done. It is already time for my next CT Scan, I didn't want to do chemo the week of New Years because the boys will be home and I would like to have a normal life with the kids as much as I can!! But the dr said no! He said my numbers are not falling as quickly as he would like and I have been off too much as it is. Then he thought about it more and said, "How about we do a CT Scan a few weeks early, see how things are doing and then decide from there the plan of treatment for that week!" He said depending on how the ct looks, we could skip it all together!!!! Or we could just do the infusion at the center and then not take the pump home. Or we could just skip a day and instead of going from Tuesday thru Thursday, I could go Wednesday thru Friday. I am really hoping for option one!!!
Then we talked about my new symptom... my headaches! They are painful! When I mentioned them to the dr he seemed pretty concerned.. He kept asking me what they feel like, when do they come on and how long they stick around for! We somehow got off the topic and I went home. He told me not to forget that someone would be calling me to set up that scan!
About a week later, Jon called the dr and he told him my headaches were too strong for the milligram of pain killer I am on. So he upped my dose. He then mentioned he was worried my headaches! He said they could be brought on from the Avastin. He said sometimes Avastin could cause a brain bleed. So he added my brain to list of areas he wanted scan. So we are praying it is not a brain bleed. I am thinking it is actually caused by my blood pressure. (Which he said was a possibility) I already had high blood pressure and then Avastin's number one side effect is dangerously high blood pressure. I am on blood pressure medication, which I take every single day at the same time religiously! But I am thinking I may just need a new BP medication. The doctor said it also could be that the cancer has travelled to my brain. But he said he really doubts that, he said my numbers are too low to think that, but it is a slight possibility!
So on December 27th, I will be having a CT scan on my abdomen, chest and brain. I am surprisingly calm. Don't get me wrong, we are praying everyday that everything is alright and that it is just an elevation in my blood pressure. But I am proud of myself, if this had happened to me 2 years ago, I would be flipping my lid! But I barely think about it!! I am a lot better at taking scary news now a days!!
I will do a little update on my family and how they are dealing with all this! Jon, Jonny and Josiah are still seeing a Christian counselor and that is going well. She said that she would like to see them weekly, but with our schedule, that is just not possible. She said we are under more stress than any other family she sees. She said that Jon and I are not spending enough alone time together. She said we need to be getting out of the house away from the kids for a total of 2 hours weekly. (I just don't see how that is even possible) She warned us that we will start to crack as a couple, if we don't start putting each other and our marriage first! She also said that Jon needs an outlet! He has a friend from work that loves to fish! He has been a VERY good friend to Jon and has taken him fishing with him a couple times! We are hoping that it will become a monthly activity for them to go fishing together for a few hours! Jonny and Caylee both celebrate their birthdays this month! Jonny turned 11 years old on the 7th and he went bowling with a couple of other boys his age from school and with his bestie Andrew Parker! He had a great time! Caylee's birthday is the 17th and she will be 3! (WOW!! How the heck did that happen?) So we are having a family party with her this weekend. Josiah is doing great!! We just had to adjust his meds for his ADHD, but the meds are working! PRAISE GOD!! He got his first report card while being on his meds and it was UNBELIEVABLY good!!! He got all B's and 1 C and in effort, attitude, following directions, observing classroom rules, etc.. he got either S+ or an O!!! We are so proud of him!! Both boys received awards yesterday at school! Jonny also got a great report card! So big improvement in school for both of them! Jonny's soccer season is over, so that means... IT'S BASKETBALL SEASON!! Both boys started playing basketball this week! I love this league! It is a Christian league that prays before practice, after practice and before all games!! Jesus is the center focus and winning the game is not what is important! This is the first time either boy has played basketball and they both LOVED IT!!! I have also started journal with the boys. I got them each a "special" journal and we write back and forth in it to each other. So I write a page in the journals to each of the boys, then leave them on their beds. They read the journal entry and write back and leave it on my bed. (THANK YOU PINTEREST FOR THE GREAT IDEA!) The boys LOVE this!! They have been very good about not reading each others journal and respecting each other's privacy. The things they write just melt my heart!! It is as good for me (if not better) as it is for them!! Not to mention they now have a piece of me forever!!! I love that we started this!
ANSWERED PRAYERS!!! God is really listening and answering our prayers. The big answer to prayer was... WE GOT THE GRANT!! We are getting an $1800 check to pay my parents the back rent we owe them!!! It is such a relief!! But the bummer is, since they usually only pay out $500 to a person, they said they couldn't help us with Christmas! (Which is totally understandable!) So I literally hang up the phone after finding out about getting the grant and there is a knock at my door. It's Julie (Lopez) Timmins. One of my really good friends for over 20 years. She came to drop off $450 from her and her boss to help pay for our Christmas!!! I couldn't believe it, I didn't even have a chance to start to worry about what we were going to do to finish up Christmas and God stepped in using my friend and her boss to provide for us!! Thank you so much Julie! We also have had a couple of blessings through my neighbor and friend Ana! She is such a special woman who is constantly thinking of others before herself! If she can do it for you, she will make it happen whether it is a bother to her or not! She gives without ever expecting anything in return. She has really become one of our family members! One of her co-workers gave us a big bag of groceries and another one of her co workers bought each one of my kids a couple of gifts for Christmas (even bought Jon and I one!! I am dying to open it, but Jon won't let me!!!!) Neither of her co workers have ever met, talked to us or seen us! Just very generous people!!
I hate being in need! I hate it. But I love that this time of year my children get to see God's work in our lives. They get to come into contact with living angels and they are learning first hand, to ALWAYS help those in need! We don't hide from our kids that people are helping us and blessing us. We want them to see God's love and the good in people, even strangers who have never even laid eyes on us!! Hopefully one day we will be back on our feet and we can bless others in need!
So please keep praying for me and my upcoming CT scan! Pray for my family to keep strong and together! For my kids to cling to God and not run from him! Keep praying, God is listening and answering your prayers!! Thank you all so much for praying for us!
Then we talked about my new symptom... my headaches! They are painful! When I mentioned them to the dr he seemed pretty concerned.. He kept asking me what they feel like, when do they come on and how long they stick around for! We somehow got off the topic and I went home. He told me not to forget that someone would be calling me to set up that scan!
About a week later, Jon called the dr and he told him my headaches were too strong for the milligram of pain killer I am on. So he upped my dose. He then mentioned he was worried my headaches! He said they could be brought on from the Avastin. He said sometimes Avastin could cause a brain bleed. So he added my brain to list of areas he wanted scan. So we are praying it is not a brain bleed. I am thinking it is actually caused by my blood pressure. (Which he said was a possibility) I already had high blood pressure and then Avastin's number one side effect is dangerously high blood pressure. I am on blood pressure medication, which I take every single day at the same time religiously! But I am thinking I may just need a new BP medication. The doctor said it also could be that the cancer has travelled to my brain. But he said he really doubts that, he said my numbers are too low to think that, but it is a slight possibility!
So on December 27th, I will be having a CT scan on my abdomen, chest and brain. I am surprisingly calm. Don't get me wrong, we are praying everyday that everything is alright and that it is just an elevation in my blood pressure. But I am proud of myself, if this had happened to me 2 years ago, I would be flipping my lid! But I barely think about it!! I am a lot better at taking scary news now a days!!
I will do a little update on my family and how they are dealing with all this! Jon, Jonny and Josiah are still seeing a Christian counselor and that is going well. She said that she would like to see them weekly, but with our schedule, that is just not possible. She said we are under more stress than any other family she sees. She said that Jon and I are not spending enough alone time together. She said we need to be getting out of the house away from the kids for a total of 2 hours weekly. (I just don't see how that is even possible) She warned us that we will start to crack as a couple, if we don't start putting each other and our marriage first! She also said that Jon needs an outlet! He has a friend from work that loves to fish! He has been a VERY good friend to Jon and has taken him fishing with him a couple times! We are hoping that it will become a monthly activity for them to go fishing together for a few hours! Jonny and Caylee both celebrate their birthdays this month! Jonny turned 11 years old on the 7th and he went bowling with a couple of other boys his age from school and with his bestie Andrew Parker! He had a great time! Caylee's birthday is the 17th and she will be 3! (WOW!! How the heck did that happen?) So we are having a family party with her this weekend. Josiah is doing great!! We just had to adjust his meds for his ADHD, but the meds are working! PRAISE GOD!! He got his first report card while being on his meds and it was UNBELIEVABLY good!!! He got all B's and 1 C and in effort, attitude, following directions, observing classroom rules, etc.. he got either S+ or an O!!! We are so proud of him!! Both boys received awards yesterday at school! Jonny also got a great report card! So big improvement in school for both of them! Jonny's soccer season is over, so that means... IT'S BASKETBALL SEASON!! Both boys started playing basketball this week! I love this league! It is a Christian league that prays before practice, after practice and before all games!! Jesus is the center focus and winning the game is not what is important! This is the first time either boy has played basketball and they both LOVED IT!!! I have also started journal with the boys. I got them each a "special" journal and we write back and forth in it to each other. So I write a page in the journals to each of the boys, then leave them on their beds. They read the journal entry and write back and leave it on my bed. (THANK YOU PINTEREST FOR THE GREAT IDEA!) The boys LOVE this!! They have been very good about not reading each others journal and respecting each other's privacy. The things they write just melt my heart!! It is as good for me (if not better) as it is for them!! Not to mention they now have a piece of me forever!!! I love that we started this!
ANSWERED PRAYERS!!! God is really listening and answering our prayers. The big answer to prayer was... WE GOT THE GRANT!! We are getting an $1800 check to pay my parents the back rent we owe them!!! It is such a relief!! But the bummer is, since they usually only pay out $500 to a person, they said they couldn't help us with Christmas! (Which is totally understandable!) So I literally hang up the phone after finding out about getting the grant and there is a knock at my door. It's Julie (Lopez) Timmins. One of my really good friends for over 20 years. She came to drop off $450 from her and her boss to help pay for our Christmas!!! I couldn't believe it, I didn't even have a chance to start to worry about what we were going to do to finish up Christmas and God stepped in using my friend and her boss to provide for us!! Thank you so much Julie! We also have had a couple of blessings through my neighbor and friend Ana! She is such a special woman who is constantly thinking of others before herself! If she can do it for you, she will make it happen whether it is a bother to her or not! She gives without ever expecting anything in return. She has really become one of our family members! One of her co-workers gave us a big bag of groceries and another one of her co workers bought each one of my kids a couple of gifts for Christmas (even bought Jon and I one!! I am dying to open it, but Jon won't let me!!!!) Neither of her co workers have ever met, talked to us or seen us! Just very generous people!!
I hate being in need! I hate it. But I love that this time of year my children get to see God's work in our lives. They get to come into contact with living angels and they are learning first hand, to ALWAYS help those in need! We don't hide from our kids that people are helping us and blessing us. We want them to see God's love and the good in people, even strangers who have never even laid eyes on us!! Hopefully one day we will be back on our feet and we can bless others in need!
So please keep praying for me and my upcoming CT scan! Pray for my family to keep strong and together! For my kids to cling to God and not run from him! Keep praying, God is listening and answering your prayers!! Thank you all so much for praying for us!
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