CT scan tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big day! CT scan time! It is weird, the more CT's I get the more worried over them I am! You would think it is old hat with having them every 3 to 4 months! It has been 18 months now! I have had over 10 easy since this whole ordeal has started.  With each one, I am more nervous than the last! I am pretty sure it is because my numbers are going up, so I of course, go to the worst case scenario! I need to trust that God is in control! Something I really struggle with! I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but the verse that was totally written for me is, Matthew 6:34, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  If I could just live that verse, my life would be a LOT easier! But that is easier said than done! So I need prayer for my nerves and for the the CT scan to show no cancer growth or lets go even bigger and pray for more shrinkage!!!

Also, I do have another prayer request! I have not been allowed to floss or go to the dentist in over 18 months!!! (since chemo) I am also not allowed to brush hard, but that is where I cross the line! Anyways, I was brushing and noticed a spot that I thought was chocolate in my teeth that would not go away! Yep!! You guessed it.... MY FIRST CAVITY!!!! I noticed it on the Saturday before Christmas and I really think it has got so much bigger in just a couple days!  So while I am waiting for my 2 hour time period drinking the contrast tomorrow down stairs from my doctor appointment, Jon will run upstairs and try to talk to the doctor on what we need to do!  I called my dentist today. They have been closed for Christmas for the past 4 days!! But, they didn't know what to do!! They said that I had to ask my doctor. Well, getting a hold of my doctor on the phone is near impossible, so we are going to try to do it face to face tomorrow! So pray that Jon gets to talk to the doctor and find out what we need to do! Pray that I won't need to take time off chemo (I CAN NOT BELIEVE I JUST TYPED THAT!!) Also, pray that the cavity is not too bad (That it can just be filled!) and they can get it done quickly!! I would love to get it done before the 1st of the year for deductible reasons!! Yes!! Something we have been thinking about! Getting the CT Scan done, prescriptions filled, dentist done all before the 1st of January, to save money!!

A small struggle we have been having that could use prayer is our battle with Walgreens over filling my prescription.  They have been lying to us, telling us that our insurance wouldn't fill my pain pills because I have too many of them, or its been too quickly since the last prescription (even though it was a BRAND NEW script!!) Jon finally lost it on them and screamed at them saying that I am not dealing with a broken finger or minor back problems, that I have stage 4 cancer!! He also had them look up my other prescriptions to prove I have cancer! Well they continued to blame the insurance company. (wow!! This sounds like I am a total pill head!! But they had to up my Norco milligrams because of my headaches! So, I went back to 10 mgs Norco and the dr wanted me to keep the 5 mg also to adjust my pills accordingly. I am allowed to take 20 mgs every 4 hours if I would like, I usually take 5mg and if it is bad 10mg) So Jon called the insurance company to scream at them.  Before he could say anything, they tell him they PAID WALGREENS DAYS AGO FOR THOSE PRESCRIPTIONS!!!! They said they never had a problem with me having those prescriptions! So they had already gave Walgreens the $126 for each prescription and they wouldn't release them to me!!! So it just feels like EVERY LITTLE THING in our life is a fight right now! Even getting the medicine I am prescribed by a doctor! When Jon called them back to confront them, the pharmacist starts saying how she is afraid they are going to take her license and that is why she won't give us my pills! So after much arguing, she released my pills.  So, now we have to move all my prescriptions to a different pharmacy because we do NOT have the energy to fight for what is rightfully mine every single month!!!! But now we have the headache of moving all my scripts!! UGH! It never ends!! LOL!!

The boys are doing well, we have another counseling session this Saturday.  We are becoming so close over the journals we have been writing back and forth to each other.  They really love doing it!! I highly suggest starting one with your children!! I can not believe some of the things they write!! I end up in tears because there are such sweet words coming from my boys!  It is one of the best things I have done with them ever and they will have them for the rest of their lives!

Jonny (11 years old) is starting to worry that he has cancer!! He finally told me about a week ago.  I also made the mistake of trying to shelter my kids and the day of the Newtown CT school shootings, I turned off the TV and we didn't talk about it! Well, the school did talk about it.  My mistake BIG TIME!!  I should have known better! Well Jonny didn't even make it half day when he called crying saying his stomach hurt.  We picked him up from school and a little bit later he was fine.  I just honestly cant imagine the stress my kids are under! Its so not fair!! PLEASE PRAY FOR MY LITTLE ONES!! I just remember how hard it was on Jon when his mom was battling cancer and he was 22 years old!! I am so afraid they are just going to snap! We will let the counselor know all this on Saturday though.  At our last counseling session, she said she had games that she is preparing to play with them to get them to open up to her more! So hopefully she will be making some big steps with them soon!

We had a great Christmas!! We were truly blessed this holiday season! I am so sad it is over!! I feel like I blink and a whole month has passed me by! The boys were in a Christmas program at the church and it was beautiful!  We got to be greeters before the program, which was a first for our family!  Well, I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas celebrating the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ! Thank you so much for all your prayers and for reading my book of a post!! Keep praying, God is listening!!!!! Love you all!!