Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Where I am now...

I had better jump on here before things really start moving quickly, birthdays, holidays and yes... my cancer! I will just let you all in on where I am at now in my journey.  I had a CT Scan a few weeks ago and even tho my  cea (cancer) numbers were down 100 points, the ct proved my cancer was indeed still growing! In hopes that the cancer just hadn't caught up to the point drop, my dr decided to give it another try and wait another 6 weeks and do a new CT Scan.  So I am in the wait period.  I will go over what our next steps are, good and bad.  So, if the scan shows that my cancer just hadn't caught up to the number drop and it is either stable or in fact shrinking, we will keep going the way we have been.  Chemo every 3 weeks... 6 hours of infusion followed by 2 weeks of 4 pills 2 times a day and then a week off.  Then we will rescan every 2 months to keep on top of it! If the cancer is still growing despite the number drop, I will be taken off chemo completely! From there, I will be put on a new medicine that is not technically a chemo.  It comes in pill form and you take it for 3 weeks with a one week break! This medicine works about 50% of the time and what it does is it shuts the blood vessels off that feed the tumors.  So it stops them from growing! Unlike chemo that is supposed to shrink and kill the chemo! So the chemo is not going away, this is just buying us a little more time! If that decides not to work, he will recommend that we try clinical trials! My first initial thought about clinical trials is to run as fast as I can away from that at all costs! The 3 other cancer patients who were in my condition, that went to clinical trials all passed away within 6 weeks.  So my first thought was to battle the cancer myself because I have been told over and over I have a slow growing cancer.  But now as I sit here, starring down the barrel of what could be, which path will I take, I realize you can't really "plan" your life. You just don't know how you are going to react to a situation until it is slapping you in the face!

This brings me to my next topic, WHAT SYMPTOMS OR HOW AM I DOING PHYSICALLY!  I have noticed a lot of changes in me.  I get sleepy SUPER  quick!! I went to a birthday party for my 6 year old niece and I made it about 2 hours and I got this overwhelming need to sleep!! I went into the twins room and just wanted to lay there on the ground and sleep.  So, Jon found me in there and rounded the kids up and we left the party! I also have been falling a lot lately! In one incidence I broke my foot! But I fell again about 2 weeks ago! That was fun because my kids all saw this happen. So as I am laying in the middle of the parking lot, my kids are yelling at me "Don't DIE MOMMY!!!!" I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW HOW I AM GOING TO GET UP!! I am trying to calm my kids down and finally we get up and in the car.  We are about 10 minutes into the ride and Caylee (4yrs) says, "Mommy I am glad you didn't die because if you did we would have to get a new one!" Yes! Those are the exact words you as a mother want to hear from your only daughter! But, I know she is scared as the rest of us are! Can't really hold that against her!

So thats where we stand now! Keep praying as always HE IS LISTENING! Pray God's will in my life!

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