A lot of people ask how the kids are doing. Usually we reply, "They are hanging in there" or "They are OK!" Truth is, they are not OK or hanging in there. I have mentioned before that they needed prayer and I went into it a little about what they are going through, but tonight I will go more in depth.
We have been dealing with our 10 yr old, Jonny, waking up in the middle of the night, sobbing, having dreams that I have died in my sleep. Then, he tries everything he can to keep me up, so that I can not fall asleep, therefore can not die in my sleep! The other night we were up until 3am convincing him that I am going to wake up in the morning. He is also struggling with anger towards God. He told me that he wasn't ready to have Jesus live in his heart yet! When I pressed him about it, he started crying, "You just don't know what I am going through! I am just not ready yet!" He is right! I have no idea how a 10 year old little boy can process this or even try to understand what he is going through! When my mom had her brain surgery over 10 years ago, I was engaged and already an adult and it was one of the worst times in my life! Thankfully my mom is still with us and helps so much with the kids! But I can NOT imagine being a 10 yr old going through my mom's illness!
Then there is my 8 year old son, Joey! His grades have taken a nose dive BIG TIME!! The teacher will pass out a test and as soon as it hits his desk, he will throw it on the ground saying it is too hard for him. He is also VERY disruptive in his class. He will get up during class time and just start beating on the door for no reason! Just throwing a tantrum and acting out. He doesn't hurt anyone, but his poor teacher is having a really rough time with him! We had a conference and all agreed that she is to continue disciplining him for his actions. I understand he is under stress, but he may not act like that! He also battle DAILY with stomach issues. We took him to the doctor and they said it was caused from stress. Now he is having headaches on top of the stomach pains.
So, what are we doing for them you ask! Well, right before my surgery, they started seeing a counselor. I was so relieved hoping this Dr would be our answered prayer. WRONG!!! The first session was just Jon and I and the Dr brought up the money situation and started coming up with shady ways to get our insurance to pay for sessions we were not even at to compensate for our $50 weekly, co pay, which we never even said that we could not afford!! Sure, that's all we need is for our insurance to find out we are committing fraud and drop us!! So, we politely told him that we were fine with the co pay, we would come up with the money somehow! So the 2nd session he wanted to see just Joey. Jon went with him and I stayed home because I had just had chemo. So they came home and Jon said that for half the session, the Dr was talking about payment AGAIN, saying that for some reason our insurance doesn't pay him as much as others do, blah, blah, blah. THAT WAS IT FOR ME!! I was livid! He cared more about money and getting paid then helping my poor kids who are going through the worst time of their lives!! So we called him and told him we would not be returning.
Now what? While I was in the hospital, I asked to see the social worker. I let her know what was going on and she gave me information about a kids group therapy support group called Kids Konnected. It is free and it meets 2 times a month and also does different activities such as summer camps and things like that. It meets at UCI medical center and the next meeting is tomorrow night! I know this might not be as good as a personal counselor (we are still looking for a new one) but it is a start. You can check out Kids Konnected at www.kidskonnected.org
So I that is how the kids are, here is my update!!! I went to my last appointment with my surgeon on Friday. He looked over my incision sites and the site where the Stoma (area where the colostomy bag connected to my body) was healing and said, "YOU ARE DONE!!" He said I have healed up nicely and released me from his care back to my oncologist and said to go back as soon as I can and start chemo again. He hugged me and said, "Don't take this the wrong way but I don't ever want to see you in my OR ever again!!" I agreed!! I thanked him for changing my life not once but twice! He told me to make sure I keep in touch with him and then said for me to go straight upstairs and make an appointment with Dr Panares (my oncologist) So we did. Jon and I went back up to the 2nd floor of St Jude Plaza and I just wanted to cry!! My days of pretending I don't have this nightmare growing inside me is over!! Reality hit and hit hard. I had a lump in my throat the entire time I was up there. I went to the receptionist and made the earliest appointment I could because I have been off so long. They made it for Tuesday the 22nd and told me I will find out then when they can fit me in for chemo. The problem is, everyone is trying to get their chemo done before the holiday weekend. I know my time is short before I go back to dreaded chemo. So I did what every woman in my position would do, I got a pedicure before it was too late!!! LOL!! I can't remember the last time I had one and once you start chemo you can't get them anymore. Now its back to the days of chemo, getting sick and planning my life around the two!
My prayer requests are.... For my kids to get the help they need and also pray for me to be able to jump back into the chemo routine and for no new growth of any cancer while I was off for the past two plus months!! Keep praying, He is listening!!
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