I don't even know where to begin! The past 2 months have flown by!  Our family suffered another HUGE blow!  My grandmother, Mildred Irene Casey, passed away on February 6th! On January 27th, we threw my uncle, Russell, a 50th birthday party.  My family and my mom and dad, came early to decorate, frost cupcakes and get things ready for the party.  While I was frosting the cupcakes, my cousin, Shayla was with me.  My grandma came in and said hi to my cousin and was completely fine!! Not even 5 minutes later, we hear my dad tell my uncle to call 911. I ran into the front room where my grandma was sitting her spot that she always sits in and she was slouched over and her face was drooping on one side.  8 minutes later (felt like an hour) the ambulance was there and took her to St Jude, where they told us she was having a stroke.  They encouraged the family to give her this medication that was kind of risky.  20% of patients don't make it through the procedure, but if they didn't give her the med, she would be paralyzed and unable to swallow on her own (she would have a feeding tube) The family agreed and gave her a blood thinner, which was supposed to shrink the blood clot. It worked!! The entire family was there and after the procedure was over, we all went in to see her and she was joking around, moving her body and telling us to stop worrying about her and to go home.  That was the last day she was herself.  The next day she developed a brain bleed (side effect from the blood thinner and had more strokes) We all practically lived at the hospital the entire time she was there.  She lasted for a week like that and then went home to be with our Lord and my grandpa! I was close to my grandma.  I love her so much.  I miss her so badly. Honestly the only way I am getting through this is really holding on to the fact that I will see her in Heaven!! So keep my family in your prayers.  We are all heart broken, but especially her 4 children.  They are going through a terrible time!

On the chemo front, I have just finished the 3 round of my chemo pills.  So far I love it!!!! The only side effect I could live without is hair loss.  Its not going to completely fall out, but its getting thin.  We are constantly cleaning out the shower drain.  But I feel way more free than before! I don't feel tied down to chemo.  I went from going to the dr 6 times every 4 weeks to 2 times every 6 weeks! The down side.... my doctor said he doesn't like that my numbers are not going down.  They are just hoovering around 62! So he ordered a CT Scan for March 14th at 7:30am.  Well, I don't see the point of this CT Scan because I REFUSE to go back on 5-fu!!!

Personally I have made changes also.  Little things, but I had to start getting healthy.  I have been doing more with my friends, going to Knotts Berry Farm with my family and friends, and going to the spa with just the girls!! Jon and I are walking every night.  I have made a rule of not eating after 7pm. I have completely stopped drinking soda of any kind. Also I have made choices like, if its taco night, I skipped the deep fat fried shells, we had pasta tonight, so I skipped the garlic bread, just little things like that.  I have been a LOT more tired the past couple days tho.  I actually slept in until 4 pm today!!!! (That's why I am up writing my blog at 1am!!)  I have also started looking into finding the guanabana fruit (juice is called sour sop) It is a BIG time cancer fighter.  If anyone finds this fruit PLEASE let me know!! Also I really want to start juicing, so I would love every ones favorite recipe!! My email address is ciadamik@aol.com I am really excited to see what juices/smoothies fight or how they enhance your body!! Please prat for me.  I will be so discouraged if I don't lose any weight!! I have also had trouble with sleep the past couple days., For example, I slept in today until 4pm!!!!

Well I will post some of the fun things I have been doing and actually acting like a mother, friend and wife, but especially just doing things for me!!!

This was on Friday the 8th! I met my favorite Christian writer Karen Kingsbury!! I was hoping that someone was taking a picture of her laying hands on my and asking for full and complete healing! It was one of the most amazing moments in my life!!!

 

 

KNOTT'S BERRY FARM

MARCH 9TH 2013

 Christianne, Betsy and Krista

Christianne and Krista

 

 

Here is a pic of the whole gang!!! The Adamiks, Richards, Sodens and Parkers

We had 20 people with us!! That's how we roll!!

 

 

So to wrap things up, I need prayer for full and complete healing, healing for my family from the loss of grandma. PRAY MY CT SCAN GIVES US AWESOME RESULTS.  Pray that my little changes make big changes in my health!! Pray for my little ones and my marriage to continue to remain as strong as we can! Pray I get on an awesome sleep schedule!!

 

THANKS ALL!!! I will update again after the CT results.  

So far... SO GOOD!!

I started the new pills on Wednesday the 16th.  I take a total of 8 pills a day, 4 at 8am and 4 at 5pm.  I do this for 2 weeks, then have a week off from everything.  So, I started my pills that (Wednesday) morning, went in and had my regular doctors appointment.  I didn't ask what my cancer numbers were this time, I was too preoccupied with the new pills.  The doctor seemed a little nervous about me starting these pills, but knew I needed them because I am done doing the 5-FU.  I think because of human error.  I could forget to take the pills, or take them late, etc...  He said if I have any side effects to call him.  BUT I KNOW I WILL NOT BE MAKING THAT PHONE CALL!!
After my appointment, I went to my regular chemo.  I had chemo for 4 to 5 hours, forgetting that I am getting practically a double dose of it because I now get 2 weeks between my chemo sessions.  Then went home.  I have not missed any pills and have been doing really good on them! GOD IS GOOD!! It has been almost a week and had almost a double dose of my IV chemo and I do not have any side effects.  So thank you for all your prayers, again God has been merciful to me and has given me strength to keep going!
So my new chemo schedule is 2 weeks on the pills and I do a double dose of my IV chemo on the first day, then 1 week off of everything.  I will get 2 weeks off between chemo sessions.  I don't go back to chemo until February 7th!!!! PRAISE JESUS!!!!!!!!!

Also, we want to kindly remind everyone that I have a compromised immune system.  With it being cold and flu season we want to ask that everyone be symptom free for at least 48 hours before coming around.  It may be a tiny runny nose to you, but for me, it could mean a hospital trip.  We are not singling anyone out, this is a household rule for everyone!!! I WILL BE HOSPITALIZED FOR A FEVER OF 100.5!!! Thank you for understanding and please do not take offense to this!! There are times I have to be a little selfish and this is one of those times. 

I love you all and thank you so much for your prayers!! Remember, GOD IS LISTENING!!! I am just in awe of all the prayers he has answered so far!!! Keep praying for full and complete healing!!!

New chemo!!!

I wanted to update everyone and let them know I have made a BIG decision to quit doing the 5-FU (the take home) Chemo!!! I just hate doing it, it really breaks my spirits and has me in a bad place the whole time I am doing it.  We found out that the 5-FU is one of the only chemos that come in pill form also! It is called Xeloda.  They should be delivered tomorrow!  So we should be starting that this week.  There are some side effects that I need  you to pray I don't have!! Obviously nausea and vomiting.  Another is what they call hand and foot syndrome.  Pretty much your hands and feet get extremely dry, turn red, and very itchy. Pretty much the most terrible case of eczema you can think of!! Constipation and/or diarrhea, problems with your sense of taste, tiredness and/or weakness and mouth sores.  Please pray I am the 20% who doesn't not have any side effects from these pills.  I really think that these pills will fit so much better with my life, especially if I don't have the side effects.
I will update again once I start my pills or after my doctor appointment on Wednesday, which ever comes first!! Thanks for all the prayers.  Keep them up!! God is listening!!

Happy New Year!!

I had my CT scan and it went well, even though the nurse had absolutely no idea how to access my port and poked me 5 times.  After the 5th time, I told them to stop, that I would go up to the infusion center and have them access it for me.  The infusion center nurse got it in one poke, like always!! The first nurse had me laying on the ct scan machine, while another nurse tried squeezing my port (through my skin) because she thought it was rolling back and forth inside my chest! When I told the infusion center nurse that the other nurses thought that my port was rolling back and forth and that was why they didn't get it, the nurse just rolled her eyes!
My doctor appointment and chemo are scheduled for tomorrow morning. (well, my appointment is canceled now)  I had told everyone who asked about the results that I didn't expect the them until my appointment on Wednesday.  They always say no news is good news.  I usually always get my results at my doctor appointment that followed the CT scan. (which is always the following week)  I had no reason to believe otherwise. 
After the scan we went to lunch, we got home around noon. I took a nap and woke up about 2:00pm. Jon and I were hanging out in our room when the phone rings.  We looked at the caller ID and it was the doctors office.  I FROZE!!! I just knew it was bad news because they have never called us to give us the results and especially only a few hours after the scan!!! Jon answered the phone and usually they will just talk to Jon and he relays the message to me.  They specifically asked for me!!  Jon tried to hand me the phone and I just couldn't take it from him.  A million things raced through my head, but I kept thinking, "This is it!! This is the call we have been dreading the past year and a half" I then looked around realizing all my kids were in the room with us.  I told Jon to get them out of the room.  He threw the phone at me and ushered the kids out.  I said "Hello?" and the lady on the other end said, "Hello Christianne? This is Lisa from Dr Panares' office!" I thought, OH GREAT!! It must be bad, I have no idea who this lady is!!! I only deal with LeAnn and Helen!! I said, "OK..." she said, "Dr Paneres got your scan results and he wanted me to call you and let you know that everything is stable! There is no growth and the chemo is doing its job!" I can not explain how I felt at that moment.  Scared, relieved, mad, confused... I just started crying and said, "DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARED YOU HAD ME???? I have ALWAYS been told no news is good news and you call me only hours after the test!!!" She kind of chuckled and said, "I am so sorry, I hope those are tears of joy!" I said, "I don't know what they are!"  She then said, "Well I am truly sorry to scare you, but have a great weekend!" 
I hung up and just sat there crying on my bed!! I just needed a release from this whole bumpy road that is my life!! Being told AGAIN to expect growth because my numbers keep going up, then being told, nothing is wrong! I am so thankful for this rollercoaster ride that is my life, I still have LIFE!! But I have to say, it is so stressful!

So that brings us to today!! The start of 2013! I am so happy and thankful to God to see another year! It does make me realize how quickly my life is going! Sometimes I think, "I can't believe its been a year and a half already since I was diagnosed" then (usually while on chemo) I think, "I can NOT do this any longer, its been a year and a half!!!!"  Sometimes I am so thankful to God for every second he has given me with my family and other times I am so upset thinking "Why me??? What did I do to deserve this?? Why do MY kids have to go through this? Its NOT FAIR!!" On those days, I just flip open the Bible and beg God to show me the lesson he wants me to learn from this and how to tell others of his love for us! Man! When I get better, I have a feeling I will be doing A LOT of witnessing! Even now its easier for me to be blunt about God with others because knowing you are so close to death, it really makes you not care what anyone thinks about you! I am more opened now to being used by God than ever in my life before.  I also think it has made me a better mom because I am constantly talking to the kids about Jesus and making sure they are praying and making right choices.  I tell them straight out, the only way we will be together forever is if you love Jesus and you have asked him into your heart! We talk more openly about our faith with them now, than before I had cancer. I used to have the mentality that, "They will learn it in Sunday School! I am here to make sure they don't get hurt, meet their needs financially and emotionally!" I never took responsibility for their walk with Christ!  That has completely changed, it is my top priority to make sure they are strong Christian men and woman!  So one of my goals for 2013 is to be used by God as much as he wants to use me!! I know, coming from me is crazy right? No! I didn't take my Xanax today! LOL! This is just one of my new goals for 2013!

I look at my life, my fresh scars on my body, my thinning hair, my dark circles under my eyes, my yellowish skin, my new habits, all my new normals and for the first time since finding out about cancer, I feel steady!! Yes the boat is rocking back and forth out of control, but with GOD AS MY ANCHOR I can finally stand up without being knocked back down and start really living life again.  Life where cancer is not who or what I am, its just another thing I need to deal with!  A life that includes putting my husband and kids first above all "things" in my life.  My priorities have really been messed up this past 1 1/2 years! Now with the help of  God, our counselor, family and friends, I am confident I will get back to putting my husband and kids first in my life right after God! Its time for me to step up and become the wife and mother that I have always wanted to be!  After spending over a year with Jon in this uncharted desert, it made me realize he is truly the man God intended for me! There is no other man on Earth who would do what Jon has done(and still does) for me during this time. Does that mean we are a perfect couple, NO!!! I have not been the wife that God intended me to be and now my eyes have been opened to that. My goal for 2013 is not to lose weight,  its not to work out more or to spend less money. Although, those are all great resolutions. My goal is to put GOD first, then my husband and then my kids, in that order in my life!  With that being said more time with family, means less time with the laptop, texting and spending more time with my family. I hope all my friends can be understanding and know when I don't text right back or have to say no to them, that its nothing against them, its just me trying to be a better wife and mother. 

Well I hope this all made sense, it is really late as I write this! Keep praying for me GOD IS LISTENING!! That we know FOR SURE!!! He has never let us down!!!!

CT scan tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big day! CT scan time! It is weird, the more CT's I get the more worried over them I am! You would think it is old hat with having them every 3 to 4 months! It has been 18 months now! I have had over 10 easy since this whole ordeal has started.  With each one, I am more nervous than the last! I am pretty sure it is because my numbers are going up, so I of course, go to the worst case scenario! I need to trust that God is in control! Something I really struggle with! I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but the verse that was totally written for me is, Matthew 6:34, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  If I could just live that verse, my life would be a LOT easier! But that is easier said than done! So I need prayer for my nerves and for the the CT scan to show no cancer growth or lets go even bigger and pray for more shrinkage!!!

Also, I do have another prayer request! I have not been allowed to floss or go to the dentist in over 18 months!!! (since chemo) I am also not allowed to brush hard, but that is where I cross the line! Anyways, I was brushing and noticed a spot that I thought was chocolate in my teeth that would not go away! Yep!! You guessed it.... MY FIRST CAVITY!!!! I noticed it on the Saturday before Christmas and I really think it has got so much bigger in just a couple days!  So while I am waiting for my 2 hour time period drinking the contrast tomorrow down stairs from my doctor appointment, Jon will run upstairs and try to talk to the doctor on what we need to do!  I called my dentist today. They have been closed for Christmas for the past 4 days!! But, they didn't know what to do!! They said that I had to ask my doctor. Well, getting a hold of my doctor on the phone is near impossible, so we are going to try to do it face to face tomorrow! So pray that Jon gets to talk to the doctor and find out what we need to do! Pray that I won't need to take time off chemo (I CAN NOT BELIEVE I JUST TYPED THAT!!) Also, pray that the cavity is not too bad (That it can just be filled!) and they can get it done quickly!! I would love to get it done before the 1st of the year for deductible reasons!! Yes!! Something we have been thinking about! Getting the CT Scan done, prescriptions filled, dentist done all before the 1st of January, to save money!!

A small struggle we have been having that could use prayer is our battle with Walgreens over filling my prescription.  They have been lying to us, telling us that our insurance wouldn't fill my pain pills because I have too many of them, or its been too quickly since the last prescription (even though it was a BRAND NEW script!!) Jon finally lost it on them and screamed at them saying that I am not dealing with a broken finger or minor back problems, that I have stage 4 cancer!! He also had them look up my other prescriptions to prove I have cancer! Well they continued to blame the insurance company. (wow!! This sounds like I am a total pill head!! But they had to up my Norco milligrams because of my headaches! So, I went back to 10 mgs Norco and the dr wanted me to keep the 5 mg also to adjust my pills accordingly. I am allowed to take 20 mgs every 4 hours if I would like, I usually take 5mg and if it is bad 10mg) So Jon called the insurance company to scream at them.  Before he could say anything, they tell him they PAID WALGREENS DAYS AGO FOR THOSE PRESCRIPTIONS!!!! They said they never had a problem with me having those prescriptions! So they had already gave Walgreens the $126 for each prescription and they wouldn't release them to me!!! So it just feels like EVERY LITTLE THING in our life is a fight right now! Even getting the medicine I am prescribed by a doctor! When Jon called them back to confront them, the pharmacist starts saying how she is afraid they are going to take her license and that is why she won't give us my pills! So after much arguing, she released my pills.  So, now we have to move all my prescriptions to a different pharmacy because we do NOT have the energy to fight for what is rightfully mine every single month!!!! But now we have the headache of moving all my scripts!! UGH! It never ends!! LOL!!

The boys are doing well, we have another counseling session this Saturday.  We are becoming so close over the journals we have been writing back and forth to each other.  They really love doing it!! I highly suggest starting one with your children!! I can not believe some of the things they write!! I end up in tears because there are such sweet words coming from my boys!  It is one of the best things I have done with them ever and they will have them for the rest of their lives!

Jonny (11 years old) is starting to worry that he has cancer!! He finally told me about a week ago.  I also made the mistake of trying to shelter my kids and the day of the Newtown CT school shootings, I turned off the TV and we didn't talk about it! Well, the school did talk about it.  My mistake BIG TIME!!  I should have known better! Well Jonny didn't even make it half day when he called crying saying his stomach hurt.  We picked him up from school and a little bit later he was fine.  I just honestly cant imagine the stress my kids are under! Its so not fair!! PLEASE PRAY FOR MY LITTLE ONES!! I just remember how hard it was on Jon when his mom was battling cancer and he was 22 years old!! I am so afraid they are just going to snap! We will let the counselor know all this on Saturday though.  At our last counseling session, she said she had games that she is preparing to play with them to get them to open up to her more! So hopefully she will be making some big steps with them soon!

We had a great Christmas!! We were truly blessed this holiday season! I am so sad it is over!! I feel like I blink and a whole month has passed me by! The boys were in a Christmas program at the church and it was beautiful!  We got to be greeters before the program, which was a first for our family!  Well, I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas celebrating the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ! Thank you so much for all your prayers and for reading my book of a post!! Keep praying, God is listening!!!!! Love you all!!

Brain CT scan results are in!!

I will cut to the chase because I just finished this round of chemo and am not feeling so hot right now! My oncologist's head nurse called yesterday and said I was in the clear! They could not find anything wrong with my brain! Praise the Lord, what a blessing and gift this Christmas season!! Now I just have to deal with these headaches, but I will take them if it means no new cancer in the brain or any brain bleeds!!
Thank you all so much for all the prayers! AGAIN!! GOD IS LISTENING!!

Not just your run of the mill doctor appointment!

December 17th, 2012  HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY TO OUR SWEET GIRL, CAYLEE!!

I have quickly learned that cancer doesn't care if it's your wedding day, anniversary or in my case... my only daughter's birthday!! It takes priority! :(  I have to stay on schedule and today was my doctor appointment.  It was supposed to be no big deal, just a normal appointment of blood work, blood pressure reading and seeing the doctor. I made it early so we could get home and spend the day with Caylee! But, I had mentioned I was still getting the headaches, but they were not as bad.  Then he reminded me that the reason they were not so bad was because he upped my pain meds! OH YA!! LOL! I didn't think of that! So he pretty much said enough is enough and ordered a CT Scan of my brain STAT!  He didn't want me to have more Avastin tomorrow if it was causing a brain bleed.  So we checked out and scheduled the CT and we had 45 minutes to spare.  We walked to Panera and had a quick breakfast and then headed back to St Jude. 
We checked in and it was the quickest CT I have EVER had!!!! They called me back and I was in and out in about 10 minutes, if that!! As I was getting off the machine, the guy who runs the machine said that one of his jobs is to put a rush on the scans that seem abnormal.  He said he technically isn't the one who reads the scans, but that after seeing my scan, he would NOT be putting a STAT on my scan!!! PRAISE GOD!!! He said that my doctor would have my result either that afternoon or the following morning and that no news is good news!! So far so good! We have not heard from the doctor!
I have had such a peace about this whole situation.  I have felt God's hand in this the entire time.  I have not even worried about this at all.  I just hope I get an answer for these headaches and not just told, "It's stress!!" Then, there is nothing really I can do for them.  I am not willing to slow my life down, not for cancer and certainly not for headaches!! I want as normal life for my family as we can get! Please keep praying for us!! We have come so far!! Please pray for my chemo tomorrow and the days that I am in bed with the chemo, that they go quickly!! I HATE IT!!!!!! Thanks for listening! Love you all!!