Checkin in and doing well!

It has been a while since I have posted, but things have been so busy around here! We went to Las Vegas for a couple days! It was a great get a way! We really needed a little escape.  My parents went with us and we got suites at the Stratosphere! We went to see the pawn shop where they film the TLC show Pawn Stars, we visited a couple different hotels and we went down town and what a party that was!! On the way home from Vegas, I ended up having a really bad panic attack, so we didn't stop at Calico like we had planned on doing.  But it was a GREAT trip!!   This is a picture of me and Joey at the MGM Grand hotel!

At the end of the month of June, I threw my cousin, Shayla and her son, Caleb a baby shower!! I had a lot of help thankfully! It was such a special time! I have to show you the cake and some of the decorations, it was so cute!! The theme was Rock Star Monkey. (That is the theme of the nursery also)

We also had a great 4th of July! I told my oncologist I would not be doing my 5-FU (take home chemo) because it would on me for the 4th and I would not ruin my kids holiday! It was such a great day.  I had chemo the day before and just prayed for God to get me thru that day! We started off at Jon's brothers house for a BBQ! I made a fruit platter and white chocolate strawberries before we left! It was such a perfect day! Much needed time with his brother Chris, sister in law Angie and niece and nephew, Jenna and Nathan!! They are expecting twin girls in October and we had a fun time trying to come up with names for them! Then we went to my cousin, Shayla's grandmother in law's house (Did you keep up? Her husband's grandmothers) We set off fireworks there and that was also a perfect time! I was EXTREMELY tired when we got home, but I did not get sick!!

 Chris brought out his Legos from when he and Jon were little and the kids were busy building the whole time! Yes, Chris and Jon did play with Legos, no they did not fight over them! LOL!

                                                 Joey (8yrs), Caylee (2yrs) Jonny (10 yrs)

                                             Aaron, Jonny, Isaiah, Chloe, Joey and Caylee

Well, you are almost caught up in all that we have been up to this summer! For those of you who don't know, I really like Tim McGraw! I have been to 3 of his concerts.  Well my best friend, Krista asked me what I was doing on Saturday (July 14th) I said, "Nothing, why?" That in itself is a miracle that I had nothing to do that day! Well, she surprised me and got me a ticket to the Brothers in the Sun concert!! (Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney) The sad thing is, I have been so out of it with being sick and busy, I didn't even know he was in concert again!!! IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS/NIGHTS OF MY LIFE!! I did NOT have cancer that day!! I was normal!! I got to be me again! It was an all girls day and I really needed it!! I can not stop thinking about that day! I was a little worried when I found out it was a 7 hour concert. But I made it through it! THANK YOU SO MUCH KRISTA AND TAWNYA!! I will never forget that day!! Here are some pics from that day!

                                         Melissa, Tawnya, Krista and Christianne (me)

                                                               
                                                                Mr. Tim McGraw!!!!! :)

                                                                    


                                                                     Kenny Chesney

OK... Now we have the medical update. I will make this quick because I just wanted to check in and it is late and I have to help decorate the church for VBS in the morning.  Things have been good on the cancer front.  My numbers have been steadily dropping and I started Avastin this past week.  I did not seem to have any side effects from it thankfully.  They said I have about a 50% chance that it will do anything.  But with God on my side, its 100%! I tried to put off the Avastin until after we get back from vacation, but it was a no go! I have been feeling really good and I am looking forward to finishing the summer with VBS and vacation.  I talked to the dr about my panic attack and let him know that I need to be on something to help with the anxiety.  He did give me Xanax, but he told me he also wanted me to go to a psychologist.... YA! LET ME JUST PENCIL THAT IN ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE!!
I have a couple of prayer requests.  Our church's VBS is this coming week and we need prayer that everything will go off without a hitch.  Also, Jonny, is going to summer camp for a week this coming week.  Just pray he stays safe and comes home in one piece.  We also applied for some grants to help us financially! We are in dire need that these come through!! Our medical bills are through the roof and there is one grant we are applying for this week that will pay for our child care for Caylee if we get approved!
Thank you to everyone who is still here reading this! LOL! This is why I have not been on here this summer too much, I have been too busy making memories!! God bless you all and thank you for praying for me and my family!!

Long time no post!!!

Sorry it has taken me so long to update! This round of chemo has really knocked me on my behind!! I do NOT know what it is, but today was the first full day without nausea! So, let me get started with the results from the CT Scan I had!

Monday June 4th~ I had my regular doctor appointment in the morning.  I tried all weekend to not think about the results because I have no control of the outcome, only God has that power! I tried to focus on Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough troubles of its own." If I can just live that verse, my life would be SO much less stressful! I spend more time worrying that I would like to admit!! Anyways, we went in to see the dr with Jon and Susie.  Last time I had mentioned to him that I would like to skip the 5-FU (take home chemo) on the week of 4th of July and I wanted to take a week off in August to go to the lake without worrying about side effects from the chemo ruining our annual week at Lake Mohave.  His response was that we had to wait to see what the results of the scan were.  So, we go in and the dr is talking to me about everything BUT the CT Scan results.  The normal questions about the side effects from the last chemo, I honestly can't remember the rest. What I do remember is thinking, "WOW! This must be BAD news, he is totally dancing around giving me the results." Finally I asked him about the results and he tells me that they were great!! There was growth, which we totally expected, but it was manageable.  I was bummed that the cancer in my lungs grew for the first time, but he said he wasn't worried at all.  I had mentioned that today marked my year of finding out about my cancer and he was shocked.  He said that I was doing really well and he was pleased with where we were at this time.  Susie then brought up going to USC to participate in their clinical trials, and for the first time his response was so upbeat (totally not his normal reaction) He said, "We are not there yet!!" He said that right now we are on a course that is working and we are going to continue on this road for a while.  SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN TO ME!!  I am still debating the whole Avastin thing, but probably going to go for it.  He told me I had about a 5% chance of bowel rupture and having the bag again.  I also have asked 3 chemo nurses, 2 were all for it and 1 said if I didn't want a bag for sure again, don't do it!  I also asked our former associate pastors wife who is an Oncology PA and she said she would do it! That Avastin has prolonged some of her patients lives by YEARS!  So I may be starting that drug along with my chemo this next week.  We are so happy and thankful to God for the outcome of this past surgery and CT scan!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!

Tuesday June 5th~ Chemo..... again! Susie took me this time.  I just have nothing good to say about chemo! (Other than it, along with God's power, is healing me) I just need to be honest, I just can make myself physically sick by just thinking about it.  (I am not the only one, they actually have a name for it and said everyone gets it) So we were there for 4 hours and thankfully, NO ALLERGIC REACTION!! So Susie drives me home and she and my mom both say that I look better than I usually do.  The weird thing is, it was the WORST I have ever felt after chemo ever! I usually don't throw up from chemo, but I did that night! My legs felt a million pounds each.  All I could do was lay in bed, feeling like death could come snatch me at anytime.  It was HORRIBLE!!

So, that is it I think! I have been sick on and off until today.  I am feeling a little yucky right now, but I am sure it is because I was just thinking/writing about my chemo.  Plus I haven't been sleeping well and it is almost 2 in the morning as I am writing this.  I better go to bed!! Keep praying, God is listening and working his miracles on me!!

Kids Therapy

On Tuesday night the boys attended the group therapy through Kids Konnected! They were the only kids there besides the youth leaders.  The youth leaders range from 16 years old to 21 years old.  The boys loved it!!  They said they talked a lot.  Because of confidentiality reasons, Jon couldn't be in the room with them.  But I think that helped them open up more.  They were so surprised and I think comforted that all the youth leaders either had a parent with cancer or a parent who died from cancer.  They have never met anyone in their situation. 
When they got home, they had made drawings and put stickers all over them that said, "God loves you!"  or "I love Jesus"!! That comforted me so much! They can't wait to go back! I am so happy!
Thank you for praying with me and Jon over this situation.  They mean more to me than anything I am going thru! I will do anything for the kids to have as normal life as possible! So please keep praying for them!! THANKS!!

IT'S ONLY WEDNESDAY????

It has been a long week and it is barely half over! I am praying for the rest of the week to fly by! So much has happened already.

Monday, May 21st- I had an appointment with a dermatologist.  Susie took me to my appointment! We have not hung out together since the hospital, way too long!! Anyways, I have had a rash under my left arm that has been there for months.  I got an ointment for that.  Then I was diagnosed with hand eczema! NICE!! Got another cream for that.  Finally I showed the dermatologist my Stoma (place where the colostomy bag connected to my body) because I have had a rash from the appliance for MONTHS and it still hasn't cleared, even with the bag being gone for over a month! So the dr told me the eczema cream will get rid of that too. 

Tuesday, May 22nd-I went back to my oncologist, Dr Panares.  I have to admit, I have been pretty upset with him.  He has not contacted me, asked about me and he didn't even bother to cross the street to check on me while I was in the hospital for 5 days.  The kicker is, Jon even ran into him while we were in the hospital and told him what room I was in and he said he would stop by and he never did.  What can you do I guess.  Susie picked me up that morning, I MADE Jon go to work!! He didn't need to miss anymore work.  He really tried to go, even tried staying home until I left trying to change my mind, but I told him I would be fine. 
We got to the cancer center and I did my blood work. Then we waited for the nurse to call me back.  We went back and they took my vitals and everything was good.  But even though I am on blood pressure pills, my BP is never normal! Yesterday was not different.  It was 156/90!  (This info is important for later in the story) So finally after 3 months, I see Dr Panares.  He was SHOCKED to see how good I looked! He just kept repeating himself that my quality of life is so good right now.  He said that he got my blood work back and my numbers looked great.  He said he didn't run my tumor marker numbers but he will call the lab and have them run the numbers.  So then he started saying that we needed to "get back on the horse!" So, I told him that I have my summer planned and I wanted to start chemo TOMORROW!!! Again, he was shocked!  He said he had to call and check to see if they could squeeze me in that quickly.
Susie then brought up the new med that he had been bringing up before the surgery that he wanted to start me on, Avastin.  He said that he didn't want to start me on it yet because of the side effects.  I have to be completely healed from the surgery because Avastin can cause your bowels to rupture.  He was concerned because he said with my history of my bowel already rupturing, he was a little nervous to start it.  It also causes bleeding.  I am assuming like a blood thinner does.   It also causes high blood pressure!! Great so I have 2 major side effects to worry about.  So he told me that I had to call my primary care physician and get better BP meds.
He also said that I needed to have another CT Scan! He said we needed a new baseline for the tumors because if we wait and have the scan after 8 weeks of chemo, then we might believe the tumors are growing and the chemo isn't working, but in fact it might be working! For instance if a tumor has gone from 2cm to 3.5 cm and we didn't have that scan.  When we go to do the scan in 8 weeks after chemo that tumor is 3 cm, we will think that they are growing instead of shrinking.  So that was scheduled for next Wednesday at 11:30am.  Please pray that the cancer hasn't grown too much if at all!
He excused himself to go check to see if they could fit me into chemo tomorrow.  He came back and said I was scheduled for 7:30am! He mentioned they were pretty busy because of the 3 day holiday coming up!
So, the more I thought about it, the more scared I got to start Avastin.  Do the benefits really outweigh the risks?  Let me tell you, I WILL DO ANYTHING NOT TO HAVE A COLOSTOMY BAG AGAIN!! So I decide to... dun, dun, dun GOOGLE IT!! LOL! Wikipedia said that on average it only prolongs a colon cancer patients life by 4.7 MONTHS!!! Not years, months!! It also said it was linked to not only bowel rupture, but stomach and nasal septum ruptures also. But my sister googled it and read that a man has been on it and it has prolonged his life for over 4 YEARS and counting!! So please pray about this decision with me and Jon! Its really a big one. We are also seeking out opinions from different professionals for their opinions. So far I asked 2 chemo nurses about it  today at chemo.  The first nurse said it was her "educated guess" that since I don't have cancer in my colon that there would be no reason for my bowels to rupture.  She said that the way Avastin works is by stopping my body from creating new blood vessels.  So therefore it would "starve" the tumors and they will stop growing and hopefully shrink them.  She said she has seen it prolong patients lives for years! Then the next nurse was MUCH more leery! She said, "just as soon as you feel the pain of the ruptured bowel, go straight to the hospital because you could bleed out quickly on it!" UGH!!! She did remind me not to worry about it too much right now, that we have over a month to decide and with prayer, we will have an answer.  So, pretty much, I was back to square one! After chemo, we (Jon and I) decided to call Dr D (my surgeon) and ask his opinion.  Also, if we do decide to try this, I want a guarantee that if something was to go wrong, that no matter if he was not on call or not, he would come in to do the surgery!! He was out of the office, but he was out of the office and will call us tomorrow.  Also, Avastin is a very expensive treatment! $100,000.00  for a year's worth of treatment and the computer mentioned a lot of insurances don't carry it.  So I prayed and just said, "If I am for sure not supposed to do this treatment, just have my insurance deny it!!" So Jon called Cigna and they said they do cover it if you qualify! There are 13 requirements for it. I AM JUST PUTTING THIS IN GOD'S HANDS!! I am praying for a loud and clear answer!
Wednesday May 23rd-My sister spent a restless night in my boys room, on the bottom bunk, on the worst mattress in the whole house, just to take me to chemo!! We left at 7:25am, yep, we were late! But believe me, the chemo nurses are used to that! I was nervous! As we were going up the elevator, a man and what we believe to be his son we in the elevator with us.  The dad was a little older than me, good looking, in shape and was carrying a back pack (a tell tale sign he was going to chemo) His son was a teenager. Athletic looking and I thought to myself, "What a good kid, hanging with his dad and taking him to chemo." Then I looked at the dad wondering what kind of chemo it was and that he looked so good! We get into the infusion center waiting room and I mention to Betsy (my sister) that he looked so good and strong for being on chemo and having cancer. She agreed and said she was thinking the same thing.  A few minutes go by and the boy looks at his dad and says, "Don't forget mom wants you to keep an eye on the injection site and write down any side effects I have!" Then we realize the BOY HAD CANCER!! So sad! Then they called me back after waiting about 20 minutes and set me up in a chair! Not my private room like normal, but probably because they had to pencil me in! LOL! Like always I slept the entire time, while my sister watched me like a hawk (nurses orders) to make sure I didn't have a reaction to the chemo.  We got home at noon and I started feeling horrible.  I ate knowing I wouldn't be able to eat dinner tonight and I stayed up as long as I could and they got in bed.  I have been here ever since.  My sister stayed and helped my mom with the kids until she had to go to school at 5pm. She hasn't been with her kids for 2 days just to help me out!
So I haven't felt this bad in a long time.  I think, I don't quite remember, but I think tomorrow will be even worse.  But by Sunday I think I will be feeling better!

I have another PRAISE REPORT!! Your prayers worked AGAIN!!! My friend Tyler who was supposed to have that big surgery and a colostomy bag put in, had his colonoscopy and endoscopy! It turns out he is going to be OK!! I can't remember the details, but as of right now he is not having the surgery and they are just keeping an eye on things! PRAISE GOD!!

But I have a prayer request for a family I just found out about today.  There is a man named, Zack Malone.  He looks younger than I am, he is married and has a 2 year old son.  He was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer a little over 2 years ago.  He was told last week that his liver is shutting down, they sent him home and put him on hospice.  There is a fundraiser on Facebook going on.  Proceeds from a Scentsy party is going straight to the family for medical bills, house bills, food, etc... PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT THE PRODUCTS!! Any little bit helps! Plus, who doesn't like Scentsy? If you can not help out financially, please keep this family in prayer! He just accepted the Lord recently! THANK YOU JESUS!! Here is the link to the fundraiser.  https://katiessassyscents.scentsy.us/Scentsy/Buy?partyId=87093330

Well, I am wrapping this up!! Please continue to pray! God is really listening! He answered our prayers for the kids therapy, he answered our prayers for Tyler and I am sure he will answer our prayer for the Avastin situation!!

I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO SOME PEOPLE WHO HAVE REALLY BEEN THERE FOR ME RECENTLY!!

Susie, my taxi and my brain in the dr office!! Thanks so much for everything you have done for me and my family the past year!!! I HONESTLY COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU!! I love you so much!!

Betsy~ Thank you for being there for me emotionally and all your help with the kids and taking me to chemo.  I know you have so much going on in your own life, but there isn't a day that goes by that you don't check on me and make sure I am ok! I love you and couldn't ask for a better sister!!

My parents~ Thank you for being mom and dad to my kids when we can't!! Taking and picking up the kids for school, soccer, preschool, back to school nights, parent/teacher conferences, the kids workshops every weekend, church and so much more!! We can never repay you! I am sorry for what I am putting you both thru! You don't deserve this.  First we take over your house and now I get sick on top of it, its not right and I am sorry!!

Nanny, David and Brian~ It means so much to me that you visit me so much! Also for researching natural ways to keep me healthy!! VEGGIES AND COLLARD GREENS! See!! I remember! Nanny I really appreciate your texts, cards, having your best friend make my chemo purses and taking me to get my pump out! I love you all very much!!

Dave Durniok~ Thank you for your friendship this year! For all the encouragement and reminding me God is holding me through this storm! Thank for praying with me and making sure I realize I can beat this! Reminding me that with God ALL things are possible!! I have grown so much closer to Him with your help and guidance! We need to get together again!

My church family~ Thank you for the prayers, meals, cards, phone calls, visits and friendships.  I love my church and everyone in it so much!

Krista~My endless love! Thank you for the pep talk the other night! One of these times I will be able to hang out with you without crying! I just can't imagine me without you! I love you so much! Just quit telling me the ending of things or I will have to punch you!!LOL!!

Jon~I can't even begin to know where to start with you! You have been so patient with me and loved me thru the whole year! You have been my best friend, nurse, shoulder to cry on! You have held my hair while I have been sick, bathed me when I can't get out of bed, changed my bag EVERY TIME, walked with me, taken care of the kids, gotten up in the middle of the night just to make sure I had my pills on time, dressed me when I was too weak, been to most every dr appointment and treated me like a normal person the entire time.  THANK YOU and I know, no one could ever love me like you do!! I love you with my entire being and can't imagine being any happier than I am with you!

Thank you to everyone else! Please don't be offended if I forgot anyone! I am not at my best right now!! Please know I appreciate everything that has been done for us over the past year! We couldn't have made it without every ones help and prayers!! Thanks again!!

My babies

A lot of people ask how the kids are doing. Usually we reply, "They are hanging in there" or "They are OK!"  Truth is, they are not OK or hanging in there. I have mentioned before that they needed prayer and I went into it a little about what they are going through, but tonight I will go more in depth. 

We have been dealing with our 10 yr old, Jonny, waking up in the middle of the night, sobbing, having dreams that I have died in my sleep.  Then, he tries everything he can to keep me up, so that I can not fall asleep, therefore can not die in my sleep! The other night we were up until 3am convincing him that I am going to wake up in the morning.  He is also struggling with anger towards God.  He told me that he wasn't ready to have Jesus live in his heart yet! When I pressed him about it, he started crying, "You just don't know what I am going through! I am just not ready yet!" He is right! I have no idea how a 10 year old little boy can process this or even try to understand what he is going through! When my mom had her brain surgery over 10 years ago, I was engaged and already an adult and it was one of the worst times in my life! Thankfully my mom is still with us and helps so much with the kids! But I can NOT imagine being a 10 yr old going through my mom's illness!

Then there is my 8 year old son, Joey! His grades have taken a nose dive BIG TIME!! The teacher will pass out a test and as soon as it hits his desk, he will throw it on the ground saying it is too hard for him.  He is also VERY disruptive in his class.  He will get up during class time and just start beating on the door for no reason! Just throwing a tantrum and acting out.  He doesn't hurt anyone, but his poor teacher is having a really rough time with him! We had a conference and all agreed that she is to continue disciplining him for his actions.  I understand he is under stress, but he may not act like that! He also battle DAILY with stomach issues.  We took him to the doctor and they said it was caused from stress.  Now he is having headaches on top of the stomach pains.

So, what are we doing for them you ask! Well, right before my surgery, they started seeing a counselor.  I was so relieved hoping this Dr would be our answered prayer. WRONG!!! The first session was just Jon and I and the Dr brought up the money situation and started coming up with shady ways to get our insurance to pay for sessions we were not even at to compensate for our $50 weekly, co pay, which we never even said that we could not afford!! Sure, that's all we need is for our insurance to find out we are committing fraud and drop us!! So, we politely told him that we were fine with the co pay, we would come up with the money somehow! So the 2nd session he wanted to see just Joey. Jon went with him and I stayed home because I had just had chemo.  So they came home and Jon said that for half the session, the Dr was talking about payment AGAIN, saying that for some reason our insurance doesn't pay him as much as others do, blah, blah, blah. THAT WAS IT FOR ME!! I was livid! He cared more about money and getting paid then helping my poor kids who are going through the worst time of their lives!! So we called him and told him we would not be returning. 
Now what?  While I was in the hospital, I asked to see the social worker.  I let her know what was going on and she gave me information about a kids group therapy support group called Kids Konnected.  It is free and it meets 2 times a month and also does different activities such as summer camps and things like that.  It meets at UCI medical center and the next meeting is tomorrow night!  I know this might not be as good as a personal counselor (we are still looking for a new one) but it is a start.  You can check out Kids Konnected at www.kidskonnected.org

So I that is how the kids are, here is my update!!! I went to my last appointment with my surgeon on Friday.  He looked over my incision sites and the site where the Stoma (area where the colostomy bag connected to my body) was healing and said, "YOU ARE DONE!!" He said I have healed up nicely and released me from his care back to my oncologist and said to go back as soon as I can and start chemo again.  He hugged me and said, "Don't take this the wrong way but I don't ever want to see you in my OR ever again!!" I agreed!! I thanked him for changing my life not once but twice! He told me to make sure I keep in touch with him and then said for me to go straight upstairs and make an appointment with Dr Panares (my oncologist) So we did.  Jon and I went back up to the 2nd floor of St Jude Plaza and I just wanted to cry!! My days of pretending I don't have this nightmare growing inside me is over!! Reality hit and hit hard.  I had a lump in my throat the entire time I was up there.  I went to the receptionist and made the earliest appointment I could because I have been off so long. They made it for Tuesday the 22nd and told me I will find out then when they can fit me in for chemo. The problem is, everyone is trying to get their chemo done before the holiday weekend.  I know my time is short before I go back to dreaded chemo.  So I did what every woman in my position would do, I got a pedicure before it was too late!!! LOL!! I can't remember the last time I had one and once you start chemo you can't get them anymore. Now its back to the days of chemo, getting sick and  planning my life around the two!

My prayer requests are.... For my kids to get the help they need and also pray for me to be able to jump back into the chemo routine and for no new growth of any cancer while I was off for the past two plus months!! Keep praying, He is listening!!

Well, since Jon is working late again tonight, I thought I would update you!!

Last Friday, May 4th, I went back to Dr. D. He removed all the staples and said the incision sites were looking good.  There is one area of concern, the site where my Stoma (the spot where my bag connected to my body) was is not closing up as quickly as he would like.  There is still a hole there and it is healing inside, out.  Which he said was normal for it to do.  He gave me Silver Nitrate to help heal the areas that are still opened, there are 4 spots.  It sounds worse than it is, but I really would like them to all seal up so I can stop stressing every time I shower! I go back in 2 weeks and he will decide then if I am ready to go back to chemo.  I suspect, I will get the green light as long as my "raw spots" (as he called them) are healed up like they should be!

Physically, I am doing good.  I am down to about 3 pain pills a day. 2 Dilaudid and 1 Morphine.  I don't take them during the day anymore because I want to be completely "there" for the kids while Jon is at work.  I am back to doing most everything I was before.  I am not picking up Caylee as much as I used to, (I am not supposed to be doing it at all, but explain that to a 2 year old) I have most all my strength back and have not used a wheel chair at all since leaving the hospital.  Like I mentioned before, I am just getting frustrated with the areas on the incision that are still not closed.  I am DONE with Jon having to change bandages for me and nursing me back to health.  He does not deserve this.  He did everything for me when it came to my bag, so he was as excited, if not more excited than I was to get rid of it!! Now he has to deal with this!

I do have a PRAISE REPORT!!! My friend, Julie Nelson, was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer! She is a couple years older than me and is married with 2 young children! Her entire family (parents included) have been through the ringer the past couple months! But I am so happy to report she had her last chemo and she is having her last surgery on June 15th!!! I am so happy for her and her family to start getting back to their new normal!! CONGRATULATIONS JULIE!!! Praise God!! I did think that I got cancer because somehow I was not a good enough Christian.  Like it was a punishment or something.  But when I found out Julie had cancer, I knew that wasn't the case because Julie is one of the most God fearing, Jesus loving, Christians I have ever met.  I was so fortunate to spend some time with her before she had her last chemo session.  She had a chance to come to visit from Colorado 2 Sundays ago and it was really nice to talk to someone who is going through the same things I am going through!

But, I wouldn't be who I am without a prayer request!! Its a big one!! Another friend of mine that I went to high school with, Tyler, was just diagnosed with a 2.5 cm cyst around the area of his colon/rectum,  He will be having a endoscopy and colonoscopy on Monday, May 14th.  They will be doing a biopsy to make sure its not cancer.  PLEASE PRAY IT IS NOT CANCER!!! He is married to a wonderful woman named Star and have 2 young boys under the age 10 years old.  After the procedures on Monday, they will be scheduling him for surgery where they will take out some of his intestines and rectum.  They will be putting a colostomy bag on him for 3 to 6 months.  So he will literally be 9 months behind me in all of this.  As my chapter with the bag and taking out my colon and intestines close, his is just beginning.  Please keep him and his whole family in your prayers.  They really need them right now! I am just so happy that they have Jesus!! Because I honestly don't know how people who don't have the Lord in their lives go through this!

Well, that is all for now friends! I love all of you and thank you so much for all the prayers.  God is listening and healing me!! On June 4th it will be a year of battling this horrible disease! I don't know if it's been the longest year of my life or the shortest!! I just know that I was WAY more sick a year ago than I am today!! I am still me!! Planning Mother's Day, baby showers, vacations and VBS!! (Just to name a few) Who says stay at home moms have it easy?!! HA!! I love that my husband tells me all the time, "I don't envy you staying home with the kids!!" I am so glad he realizes the work that goes into raising 3 Jesus loving children!! Right now, my life is too busy for cancer, but I guess I will have to pencil in chemo sometime soon! BUMMER!!!

On the Mend!!

Well I am so thankful last week is over! Thank you for all the thoughts, prayers and visits from everyone! They really kept me going! So I am going to start from last Monday! UGH!! I don't even want to remember last Monday, let alone write about it! LOL!

April 16th~April 17th~I wake up and realize this is the start of it all! The week I had both been looking forward to and dreading all at the same time! I am going to finally be free of this bag and everything that comes with it, but I have to go through so much pain and suffering to just to be normal again! I had times that I thought, "I can live with this, it isn't so bad!" Then reality would hit, like when I am at the Discovery Science Center with my family as one of our last outings together before the surgery. I end up leaking everywhere and we had only been there for an hour.  I had no extra clothes and I was trapped inside a tiny bathroom stall and didn't know what to do. So, I pulled up my big girl panties and ran out of there as red faced as all get out!! I found my family and off we went.  That's when I realized, I can't do this forever! So for 2 days I had nothing to eat.  I had to drink 4 bottles of Magnesium Citrate and I had to take 8 Ducolax laxatives and, the fun part, 2 enemas!!  Despite my 2 year old trying to shove a yummy, chocolaty, delicious Oreo in my face numerous times and smelling dinner as it cooks, I DID IT!!! The prep was over!!!!

April 18th~ D DAY!!!! It's here, the day I had been waiting for since my first surgery in October!! For fasting and giving myself the stomach flu for 2 days, I was actually feeling good! My spirits were up and I wasn't as tired as I thought I would be.  That morning, my sister, Betsy and her family were all there and Shayla and Aaron were there. (My cousin and her 1 year old son) I had to be there at 11:30am and surgery would be 2 hours after that.  So at 11:10am, we all gathered around and prayed.  That's when it all started becoming real to me. After we were done praying, Jon said we had to leave.  I turned to hug Shayla goodbye, because she couldn't make it to the surgery, and I lost it.  I couldn't help but to cry and think, this could be the last time I see her again! Looking back now I think, "DRAMA!!!" But I was super tired and hadn't had food for 3 days at this point. 

So we get to the hospital, and as always, take it over!! Most people have about 3 visitors waiting for them during surgery, I had about 15 people!! I have such a great support system.  So right after I check into the hospital, we have to wait outside the waiting room because there were too many of us.  As we were all waiting by the elevators, for the nurse to call me back, Dr D (my surgeon) came up to talk with us.  He asked if I had any questions and he was just very calm.  The funniest part was when my 3 year old nephew, Noah, ran up to my surgeon, head butted him in the "special place" and spit water on his shoes!! I really needed that laugh at that point!!! My surgeon just looked up and said, "You really need to get someone in here to clean that up!" and he laughed, then left.  A few minutes later, the nurse came to take me back.  We all got in a circle to pray and my nurse took my hand!!! She looked at me and said, "I am going to pray for you too!" At that moment, I just had a peace come over me.  I wasn't shaking, or scared anymore! I knew this was all in God's hands.  He wanted me, "bag less" and I am going to be!! I was told, when my colon ruptured, that when they put the colostomy in, it was going to be permanent! But, God had other plans!!

The nurse takes me back and I am alone for the first time in a couple of days! It was great quiet time with God.  I just prayed and thanked Him and talked to Him for a long time.  They were going to call my family back 2 at a time before the surgery, but after I got dressed, TOOK A PREGNANCY TEST (HA HA HA!!) and got the IV started.  So that time, just me and God was blissful!! I was so comfortable and peaceful.  Well, if you know my family, THEY DON'T FOLLOW THE RULES.... EVER!! The nurse said she was going to go get my husband after she started my IV. Well, according to my family, they took too long!!! So here comes Jon, the nurse and I just look at each other.  I said, "Is everything ok?" He said, "Ya! Your family made me come back here because it was taking too long!" Yep!! We are THAT family!! LOL!! But we get results!! So Jon was there while she started my IV.  She got it on the first try!!! We both prayed for that! (Yes! She prayed again for me!) Then my sister, mom and Nathaniel came back to see me! As soon as they got there, we got word that they were ready for me.  The next thing I knew, they were wheeling me back to the operating room!

After the surgery was over I was in EXTREME pain!!! The kind of pain where you can't catch a breath! I thought for sure, my insides were on the outside! I begged for pain killers and the nurse told me no because he said I would stop breathing! I promised him that I wouldn't stop!  Little by little, he would give me 1mg of Dilaudid. Finally after about 3 or 4 mg's, it took the edge off.  So after an hour of being in recovery, I was taken to my room.  Then I realized, it is not a private room!! Luckily my roomie had as big of a family as I did. So there would be no complaining in that department.   But, she didn't have a secret weapon that I did! JON'S SNORING!! That poor lady, just got out of surgery, was hoping for a good nights sleep. NOPE!!! I feel so bad for her!
April 19th~ So at about 7am, Dr. D comes in to check on me. Literally, the first words out of his mouth is, "You didn't get a private room? This is not going to work because, 1. Your family does not obey the rules and will not stick to only 2 visitors at a time and 2. He (pointing to Jon) doesn't leave your side and he snores too loud to have a room mate!" Then he told us to wait a minute, then he comes back and says, "OK got you your own room!" It was that easy!! So we talked for a couple minutes and then he left.  A few seconds later, the charge nurse comes in and says, "Dr. D said he wanted you in your own room, so we are fixing one now for you!" That man has some power up in that hospital. 

April 20-22nd~ These days consisted of starting "sips of liquids" on Friday, walking the halls, trying to pass gas and go #2! Well, by Friday I had achieved all the goals! By Sunday afternoon I was FINALLY eating a "soft diet" and was ready to go home.  Dr D wanted me to stay another day, but I had already told the kids I would be home. I couldn't freak them out by not going home.  The problem was, we didn't have a pain management regiment set up for when I go home. So when the pain management Dr showed up at around 1:30pm, I told her that I thought 4mg of Dilaudid every 4 hours and then 30 mg of Morphine every 12 hours on top of that should be OK.  So, out went my beloved IV and the wonderful drugs that went with it!! I was on my way home!

April 23rd~Woke up this morning in TERRIBLE pain!! Not as bad as when I was in recovery, but close.  We had slept through the alarm to take my pills! Boy did I learn my lesson!! Today started my "boot camp" back to health! Here is my schedule, (That I actually stuck to) I am still on a soft solids diet.  So we bought enough food to get us through this week.  I am eating 6 snacks instead of 3 meals.  A snack for example is a yogurt and a string cheese. Every 2 hours, I walk up and down my street.  But, in between time, I rest and try not to push it.  I refuse to take 2 months to heal this time around!! My goal for this week is to not need a wheel chair for Friday's Dr appointment.   

Again, Thank you all for your help with the kids, visiting me in the hospital, bringing food and of course your prayers!! You all mean so much to me and I am ready to have this colostomy bag far behind me!! Love you all!!