ER, Obstruction and Stivarga... OH MY!!

I have had a whirlwind of adventures in the last couple weeks! Not all adventures are fun.  I will start back with the appointment with Dr Paneres (at St Jude) to discuss my options.  I went back to him and he pretty had spoke to the UCI doctor and agreed with her.  He did seem pretty leery about me going on this new drug, Stivarga. He told Jon and I that the longest ANY of his patients that he put on this particular drug lasted on the drug a whole 5 DAYS since the day they started the drug.  Yep! You heard me correctly, 5 days and they either choose to go off because the side effects are too harsh or the Dr let them know their side effects were too harsh so he took them off the drug. If I am going to get the side effects, they will hit by the end of the first week. They hit hard and fast!! But, if I continue to do well, they up the dose 40 mgs more and continue this until I am on the full dose of 160 mgs.  This drug has NASTY side effects! The most dangerous ones are  high blood pressure and it messes with your liver!.  We are not talking a drug that slowly raises your blood pressure. This drug makes your BP SPIKE THRU THE ROOF to the point that you need to be hospitalized.  One minute, you are completely normal, the next you are needing a visit to the ER! This is the most scary side effect for me, as I already have high blood pressure and am on 2 prescriptions to control it now.  The good thing about that is, I know what the symptoms of high BP is and know a few tricks to bring it down on my own. I also have a hospital grade BP monitor here at home and can monitor my BP at any given moment. Also, they said that since I am already on BP meds, that actually works to my benefit and if something happens they can just adjust my meds as needed. The liver... I have to pay attention to make sure my urine is not turning darker than it is or super lighter than it is.  The reason I am not really concerned with this one is, the dr said he will be checking my liver OFTEN thru blood work and they should be able to catch that there is something wrong WAY before I exhibit any symptoms of liver damage.
  Another nasty side effect is that this medicine will cause your hands and feet to discolor, burn, blister, peel, crack and bleed to the point that you can not walk!  Here is the plus side (for me personally) There is one other drug that causes this same side effect, not to the degree that Stivarga hits, but it can get pretty bad causing people to go off this other drug also.  I was on that other drug for over a year and the ONLY symptom that happened to me was my hands and bottoms of my feet looked like there were newsprint all over them! SHOUT OUT TO POSH'S HEALER STICK AND FRESH CREAMY MILK BODY BUTTER FOR THAT!! They never burned, hurt, cracked, got dry, NADA! So, they think that if I continue with that same regiment of Posh products, I will do well in this department also! This drug has also been known to cause sores in your mouth, which makes eating anything hot, cold, salty or spicy, not such a pleasant task.  Then we have what we cancer patients like to call, "Chemo Brain".  If you have spent any amount of time with me, you will know I have this BAD! This new drug actually intensifies that.  For example, my chemo brain now would be something as annoying as repeating what I have said a billion times to someone and I have NO remembrance at all of telling that person at ALL! Even when they start telling me where we were when I said it or why I even brought it up!  My good friends and family pretty much just humor me and let me say something over and over again.  There are some people tho, that will correct me, cut me off (Lovingly) saying I already mentioned that! This sometimes hurts me, I feel like I am annoying them to the point, I will try not to say too much because I look stupid always repeating. I  just want to be as normal as possible and when someone (Even in a lovingly way) tells me I have said it a bajillion times, I want to run and hide and try to become the smart woman I once was!  With chemo brain, it is common to walk into a room and forget why you came in there.  You forget appointments, You repeat yourself like a parrot.  But Stivarga brain, kicks that up a notch.  Not only will you have chemo brain, but you will also forget every day things like your telephone number, how to sign your name, directions to your house, etc... So this should be fun! Then you have your every day run of the mill chemo side effects. Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, fatigue, sleeplessness, yada yada yada... Those we know I can handle! I was told that the first week of taking Stivarga is the most dangerous.  If you are going to have side effects, they show their ugly faces in the first week.  So my doctor wanted to make sure all the other chemo is completely out of my system before I started this new one,  We did not want WWIII to start in my body because we had overlapping chemos! This drug is strong enough without needing left over chemo in my body to help take over my body!.  My dr at St Jude admitted he had learned from the UCI dr to start me on a half dose and gradually increase from there.  So I will be his first patient to start at a half dose and will be the first person to make it FAR passed 5 days!! Hee Hee... TOO SOON TO CLAIM VICTORY? I don't think so! I am coming to the battle well prepared!  So we wrap up our appointment and plan for me to start this Stivarga on March 23rd! We wanted to have some down time before the fight, the calm before the storm! We REALLY needed time to pray!  So we felt this situation, about taking the Stivarga, with Dr Paneres (my St Jude oncologist) was not feeling the same way the UCI dr felt. She, (UCI dr)  made me think that with my passed history with handling chemo side effects, I will be just fine.  Then, I have MY actual oncologist Roy Paneres having me think that I won't make it thru the first week!! So, we left the appointment not as hopeful! But, just like I felt that God was whispering in my ear that the last CT Scan I had, was going to come back with growth and my life would be changing drastically. I have the same tugging at my heart, but this time it  is telling me, "No matter what happens, YOU ARE going to be OK!"  It;s not so much an audio voice, but its like a peace washes over me and my anxiety is under control.  I haven't had any major mood swings, just going with the flow! I just feel God's loving arms around me at this time!  I just wish Dr P would get the same message from God, so he can quit being such a Debbie Downer!
After the appointment with Dr P ended, we scheduled our next appointment to be on April 6th, right in the middle of my first cycle of the drug. There he will do a blood test to check my CEA (cancer) numbers and check on my liver function.  I am thinking we will also be discussing when I should do my next CT scan also.  We leave and decide, until I start Stivarga in 2 weeks, LET'S TAKE A CANCER BREAK!  Sounds like a awfully good idea to me, since there really wasn't anything I could do on the Cancer front at this time!
So, the first few days pass and I start getting a little nervous that this horrible drug is chasing behind me and starting to catch up! I only have a little over ONE WEEK LEFT!
So, what you think happens on good ol' Friday the 13th of March.... YEP, ER TRIP!!!!! Oh man oh man! Where to begin with that mess?  I knew I was having a small bowel obstruction.:What it is, is because I have had so many abdominal surgeries, my intestines have scar tissue.  This scar tissue will randomly start moving around and TWIST my intestine.   Usually I can tough them out at home, but this time, I couldn't take the pain! I was throwing up and couldn't get comfortable or anything.  I looked at Jon and said, "We need to go to the ER, This one is bad!"  So I get cleaned up and head out the door at 11pm, THE ER WAS PACKED!! People had been waiting for over 5 hours to be seen! It was a straight HOT MESS!  So, because of my condition, I got called back right away!  But I was in a LOT of pain and could not take my own meds bc if they needed to do surgery to untwist the scar tissue, then they would have to wait even longer bc I wouldn't have been allowed to be put under with how many pain killers I take in a day! So, I am in pain, I usually take 200 mg of Kaiden  2 times a day, I take (4)  8mg tabs of dilaudid every 4 hours, 1 30mg of Oxycontin every 4 hours amd then 100mg of Morphine before bed.  Then I take Methadone 3 times a day! So I finally get into the back ER rooms and I am waiting for someone to do an IV so that I can get some pain relief there! Finally the nurse shows up and just looks... new and confused!! GREAT!! So she tried 5 TIMES to hit a vein, all over my arms, with no luck!! I looked like a junkie with so many bruises in different areas!  Finally, I said, "JUST STOP!! We are not getting anywhere with this and I need my IV to talk my meds that were now over due! So I looked at her and said, "Have you done a port before?"  She looked at me meekly and said, "Oh ya! I can do them!"  So I took her hand and had her feel each bump, the circumference of it,  Teaching her how to do a port while laying in a hospital bed.  She came back with all the stuff to access my port and I looked at her and said, "Ok, we need to think this through, do you have everything you need?!" She said she did, I said, "Look again!"  She still didn't see the problem! I said, "Do you remember what the first question you are supposed to ask someone with a port?"  She thought about it as she was cleaning off my  chest to insert the needle into.  Then it hit her, I looked at her and said, "Yep, you know! What KIND of port do you have?!"  I could tell she was embarrassed but I was not in the mood to play nurse right now! I wanted to be our of pain and cuddled  and have all this behind me!! So she picked up the needle and looked at it and said, "This is the needle I will be using to put into your port!" I said, "Oh NO YOU ARE NOT! That is NOT  a Power Port needle!! She looked as thou she was going to cry.  She ran out of the toom, Jon and I started praying our guts out! She came back and said, "Ok! Is this the one I am supposed to use?"  I said, "Yes, lets get this in and going!"  So I taught her where to put the needle, to count ONE... TWO... Three and as you say 3, push the needle in! SHE DID IT!! Had great blood return any everything! So remember at this time I am hours from having my pain meds.  She came at me with a 1 mg IV of dilaudid.  I tried explaining to her that I am on 32 mgs and 1 mg is a JOKE! Needless to say, it was a long, sleepless night and I did in fact have a blockage, I went into withdraw while in the hospital! I couldn't eat but,,, NO SURGERY!!! So they let me go on Sunday and Jon took Monday off so we could catch up on sleep and then that whole following week I had problems, but they are clearing up now!
The following Friday I had another dr call me in to "teach" me more about Stivarga.  Pretty much knew everything I could know at this point. She had the same thoughts as the UCI dr, that I am going to be just fine.  She brought me over a journal to write my symptoms down everyday, keep track of when I took it and to log my BP numbers.  She also said she wanted us to call when I actually take the meds so she can write it down on her calendar and keep track of where I am at on Stivarga at all times.
So today, at 10am , I took my first dose.  I had Jon call the dr and let her know we took it and she said, "Ok! I didn't want to scare you, but this hour is the most critical!!! If she is going to have an allergic reaction, it will be now until 11am, so keep a close eye on her! Umm!!! THANKS A LOT!! So of course any bump, pinch or ache was magnified. but I made it just fine! Then Jon took the rest of the week off in case my symptoms do end up showing up!!  So to pass the time, my mom and I filled 300 plastic eggs for the Easter Egg hunt here on Sunday, we are doing an Easter on the Sunfsy before because we have Easter and my nephews birthday up in Victorville on Easter Sunday and a lot of people can't make it up there! After we filled those eggs, Jon and i went shopping at Walmart! I also have been constantly taking my BP and it has been good all day! We are still not out of the woods yet! But PLEASE KEEP PRAYING!! HE REALLY IS LISTENING!!! NO SIDE EFFECTS!! I have a family to run and love on!!

Off to UCI

A few days after my appointment, where Dr P told me that I would not be doing chemo anymore, I got a phone call from Dr Seery's office at UCI.  They made my appointment for March 5th.  I was so excited because that gave me time to live a little bit before our next step in our cancer journey.  Then the nurse who was booking the appointment said, "Oh no! I just saw that your dr put a rush on this! I will need to call you back and make an appointment for a sooner date." I said, "Let me talk to my dr first! Maybe the 5th will be ok with him! I have so much I was to do before I start at UCI! I think he will say it will be ok to keep this date!" She agreed and told me that she was leaving it to me to change the appointment if he wants a sooner date! Well, thankfully, Dr P said that the March 5th appointment was just fine! YAY!! It's the little miracles, where things just work out like they are supposed to, where you really see God's fingerprints! I have learned to stop looking for these, "PART THE RED SEAS", miracles. (Not that those are not important too) But when I really feel like God's hand is on me, is when its just the little things that would only matter to me and seem so insignificant to other's, that I know my God is still walking with me! 

So being off chemo this time is a little different than the other times.  I don't really feel like I have been off chemo for over a month! Usually by now, I am feeling almost normal.  As of tonight, I still feel like the poison is running thru my veins.  I don't have the "vacation" that I usually have, it kind of worries me, but then again, I just had my CT scan a little over a month ago and there was only a slight growth.  Maybe I am just pushing myself harder than normal.  Jon and I had decided that we would not live like I have cancer for the time that I am off chemo! We would live life to the fullest and keep making as many memories with our kids as we can! For Christmas, Jon's sister in law Angie, got her father to get us 2 tickets to Disneyland and sign 3 of us into Disneyland! (If you know me, this is the BEST Christmas gift in the world! My personal heaven would be DISNEYLAND!) So on Josiah's 11th birthday (Feb 12th) we surprised the kids and took them to Disneyland for the day! I got a wheelchair because I knew there was no way I could walk around Disneyland all day! I was worried I was going to embarrass the boys, but they didn't even bat an eye! This was our first trip to Disneyland that the kids were all tall enough to go on the big kid rides! So this was the first trip that I was not sitting at the exit of Star Tours or Big Thunder Mountain, with a stroller filled with a crabby baby! It was the absolute BEST Disneyland trip we have gone on as a family!
Then on the 17th of February, Jon and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary! IT WAS AMAZING!!! Jon and I went to dinner that night at Red Lobster.  Then we picked up the kids.  Jon bought a top tier of a wedding cake, decorated in our wedding colors and in one of  the flavors that our wedding cake had! (Chocolate cake with raspberry filling) Then he had dug around our storage unit for hours earlier that day and he found our wedding video! We had to borrow a VCR from our neighbors, but after we cut the cake and ate the cake with the kids and my parents, we all sat down to watch our video (this was the kids and my parents first time seeing it!) It was beautiful!! The kids were stuck to it like glue! Remarking how young (and thin) everyone looked.  It was the most romantic anniversary we have ever celebrated! But it doesn't stop there! We decided to go to Las Vegas to continue or celebration.  Jon and I left on Wednesday the 25th and then on Friday the 27th, my parents came up and brought the kids with them! It was a great trip! We all had a blast and really needed that time away.  We knew our "cancer vacation" was coming to a close and quickly! On Saturday night (the 28th), I laid in bed, wide awake.  Looking at my husband and children and cried (quietly) my eyes out! It is so hard to not think, "This is the last night we will ever be in Las Vegas together ever again!" I try really hard not to let the enemy take my joy, but it is getting harder and harder with each day that passes! I remember driving out of Disneyland's parking structure and the tears just came out of nowhere! I try not to let anyone see, but that time, Jon reached over and squeezed my hand, letting me know he was feeling it too!

So March 5th came sooner than I would have liked it! I had been literally shaking for a full 24 hours before my appointment! I kept complaining to Jon, "I don't want to go!! Don't make me do this! Let's keep living like I have no cancer!" Of course being the amazing husband he is, he kept telling me, "We don't have to do anything you don't want to do! If you don't want to do clinical trials, we won't!!! We will walk out and live out the rest of our life together! But, I think it is worth it to just hear what they have to offer." UGH!!! FINE!!! We left for UCI at 2pm, giving us 30 minutes for traffic and to get lost.  Well, we pulled right up! Found the cancer building right away.  We waited outside for my best friend, Kira, to meet us there.  She is good at hearing the good, bad and the ugly and make notes of it all!
So we all go in, all shaking in our boots! We go up to the 2nd floor, check in and I fill out a few new patient forms, when we get called back.  We all go into a exam room.  There is a nurse who takes my vitals and starts filling in my information into the computer.  She puts in all my vitals, asked me questions like if I smoke, drink, etc.. Then she asks to list my medications. HOLY COW! So I start off with my pain meds, around the 4th med, she looked at me and said, is that all? Jon and I looked at her and started laughing and said, "Oh no! We are just getting started!" It took us literally 15 minutes to list everything I take on a daily basis! The nurse's head was spinning! Dr Seery's assistant tried 2 different times to come in and we were not done yet! We finally just said, "You have the just of them! We are good now!" The nurse started laughing and said, "I don't even know how you function!!" Ya! Neither do I lady!! So she leaves and the assistant comes in! He introduces himself and says, "Don't worry about telling me anything, I have studied you and know your entire history!" He knew it all without even looking at notes! He knew dates of surgeries, he knew the date I was diagnosed and how I was diagnosed... It was quite impressive! So he starts telling us the plan of attack.  He said that Dr Seery would be in, in a few minutes and answer any questions we had about anything! He said that there is a drug that is FDA approved, called Stivarga. (Jon and I had heard of it 2 years ago, when it was first FDA approved,  from Dr P. He told us there was a new drug that was just approved and it was sort of a "super Avastin" and he thought I would be a great candidate for it since I responded so well to Avastin.)  I said, "This is the drug that is sort of a "super Avastin" correct?" and he said, it was from the same family.  He said it was kind of like Avastin, in that it cuts off the blood supply to the tumors, therefore not feeding the tumors and they stop growing.  The down side is the side effects! THEY ARE MONSTERS! Most people have to stop taking the Stivarga because the side effects are too much to handle and ruining their quality of life.  Other than the normal, vomiting, hair loss, feel crummy side effects.  The worst side effects tear up the palms of your hands and the bottoms of your feet. Pretty much the drug causes discoloration, boils, cracks, peeling, bleeding, etc... on the palms of your hands and the bottom of your feet.  The same side effect as the drug Xeloda, I had been on for over a year and all it did was cause discoloration to my hands and feet.  People described them as looking like I had been reading a newspaper and the print was still on my hands.  They never cracked, peeled or bled! I would slather them in a body butter from Posh (of course) that was a shea butter based lotion and also would rub Posh's, Healer Stick (100% shea butter stick) all over them constantly! So I felt confident that I was going to be just fine! I had Posh on my side! He looked at me like, I don't think so! He said, "These side effects are REALLY, REALLY BAD!! Most people can not stay on the drug and the people who do stay on it, have a lot of the side effects and just live with it!"  I was feeling discouraged! But then he said, "We also have another card in our hands to play! We will study your cancer and try to find a mutation. No 2 cancers are the same, that is why not all chemo's work for every person! They have mutations in each of the cancers that make them all different. So we will look for a mutation that is not only in your colon cancer but in a different type of cancer, say, Kidney cancer,  Then we will use the chemo that was actually made for kidney cancer to try and kill your cancer which has that same mutation!"  I started feeling something I hadn't felt in a long time HOPE!!!! It was a BEAUTIFUL feeling!! Here I was, begging Jon to not make me go and this guy is actually talking to me like we are going to attack this cancer finally! It was amazing!! So then he said, "After that we will look into clinical trials!"
So then Dr Seery came in! NOT AT ALL WHAT I WAS PICTURING! She was this young, beautiful, blonde woman, who looked like someone I would hang out with! She introduced herself and shook our hands.  She started off by saying how good I looked and that she was kind of wondering why my dr would send me to her! She repeated everything that her assistant had said about our course of action.  She then said that the normal dose of the Stivarga was 160mgs.  But she is going to recommend that my dr start at 80mgs and slowly increase from there.  She said that they have had WAY better success in people tolerating the side effects that way.  She also said that unlike other cancer drugs/chemo's, we would know within the first week of taking Stivarga, if the side effects are going to be tolerable or not.  She said the side effects hit hard and fast with this drug.  She asked if there were any questions.  Kira asked, "How long can a person be on Stivarga?" She said, "Great question!! As long as the person can tolerate it! There was a woman, who is right down the hall right now, who was in really bad shape! I didn't think she had a chance! But we put her on Stivarga, that was over a YEAR ago and she just got back from a vacation out of the country!!!"  We just sat there staring at each other with our mouths hanging wide opened!! A YEAR??? Here I was thinking I had maybe a couple months left!! HOPE!!! HOPE!!!!! HOPE!!!!!!
Then she went into the whole mutation thing.  Saying how they would test my tumor and study it to find a mutation that is in a different cancer.  She then said, "So when you are getting biopsied, tell them you need 3 cores!!! Usually what happens is they don't get enough and you have to repeat the procedure!" I looked at her and said, "WHAT???!!! They already have my tumor! They kept it when my colon blew in 2011! She said, "That was YEARS ago! It has probably mutated since then!" I said, "So, like a liver biopsy?"  Dr Seery said, "Yes probably" I said, "NOPE!! I AM NOT DOING IT!! So you all better PRAY this Stivarga works because I will NOT be doing another liver biopsy! I have already said I would never do it again!" THEY ARE HORRIBLE!! I can not even imagine doing one again! Not to mention, they can't even put you to sleep because they need you to hold your breath and release it at certain times! It is HORRIBLE!!! So please please please pray the Stivarga works for me!!!
After that fiasco, she told me she wants to refer me to her genetic counselor.  They think there may be a link between my mom's Neurofibromitosis and the colon cancer.  She also said that doing this testing will also make sure my kids don't fall thru the cracks and miss getting tested for colon cancer.  She said that the "old" rule of thumb was to have the kids tested 10 years before my diagnosis, which would make them 23 years old when they have their first Colonoscopy.  But she says she is pretty sure her genetic counselor will have them tested before 23! She said the genetic testing would be done there at UCI and it would only benefit my kids and future family members by doing this! So of course, this is not an option, I will be doing it! (unless it involves a liver biopsy! LOL!)
So after going over everything with her, she told us that there actually was not a clinical trial there at UCI that would fit my needs! Which was a complete bummer because I LOVED HER!! I would LOVE for her to be my dr from here on out! She said she was sending me back to Dr P, then she said, "I am actually a little confused on why he sent you to me in the first place! You are no where NEAR clinical trials!" and said she would call him tomorrow with her recommendations on what to do with me now!
Next step  is going to see my dr back at St Jude.  I have an appt with him on Monday and we will go over what we will be doing next.  I do want to take another 2 weeks off before starting any new drugs.  I just want to make sure all the other chemo's and drugs are out of my system because Dr Seery said that the Stivarga's side effects will be amplified if I still have Xeloda or CPT-11 in my system! So I don't want to risk that AT ALL!
WE HAVE HOPE!!! We always have HOPE with Christ, but sometimes when you are in the fire, you just plain forget!! Keep praying, He is listening! I love you all!!

Time can slip right threw your fingers!

Wow, I knew I hadn't blogged in awhile, but I didn't realize THIS long! Where do I even begin to start?

 Our holidays were amazing! We made it back to our beautiful, warm, cozy cabin for Christmas! It was just our family (My parents, my family, my sister and her family and my brother and his kids) there for 5 days and then my cousin Jason and his girlfriend, came up there to spend Christmas day with us! We had another treat when our AWESOME, neighbors Ana and Todd, came up to play the day after Christmas! It was a great time of games, arts and crafts, baking and cooking, fires roaring in the fireplace, a visit from Good St Nick and us all sleeping under one roof again! It was a great holiday season just being in the midst of God's glory! Nature has a way of just proving there is a God! Its such a beautiful place!

Our New Year was pretty low key! We stayed home and the neighbors came over and we played games all night, laughed and had a great time! At the strike of midnight, I got a hurried kiss from the hubby and out everyone flew for fireworks we saved from the 4th of July (shhhh!) and sparklers! It was actually one of my favorite New Years Eve. 

The battle with cancer is blazing on! I have been on chemo without missing a day since June of 2014! It is so such a part of our daily lives, that we plan things saying, "That date won't work, Christi will still be feeling the effects of chemo!" Or "We need to plan the party on this date because that is 3 days before I have to do chemo, so I will be feeling my best" Take "my best" lightly! A lot goes along with that, fatigue, sleeplessness, pains and so on! But, we got the birthdays and holidays all fit into my schedule, with very few changes! I did not miss any chemo, but I did move it around a bit to make that week work for me! So everything was going well, but I started feeling a little more, sluggish, rundown, down right tired to the point I would be in conversation with someone and I would fall asleep! I apologize to all of you who was rudely fallen asleep on! I PROMISE IT WAS ME, NOT YOU! I just chalked it up to being so busy during the holidays! All moms get this way!
 When I first got diagnosed, in June of 2011, I had a 9 year old, a 7 year old and a 18 month old.  I prayed and prayed, crying out to Jesus to give me more time! I just wanted to make it to see Joey hit the double digits, for Jon and I to be able to celebrate our 20 year anniversary, to see my boy Jonny start to turn into a young man of 13 years and lastly to see my sweet Caylee turn 5.  The reason behind this was because one of my first memories was my 5th, Strawberry Shortcake birthday! Which would hopefully mean that Caylee would retain some kind of memory of me!  We had the birthday party and it was a blow out! I saved every penny I earned from selling Posh to give her the party of her dreams! It was, of course, the Disney movie Frozen theme! It was beyond amazing! Time was ticking away and the days turned to months and by the time I turned around, Dr P was scheduling me for my next CT Scan! As soon as I set the appointment, I just got this knot in my stomach that this would be the CT that was going to change things in my normally rigid schedule.
Even the day of the scan, I was unusually nervous.  I couldn't shake it! As Jon and I walked down the hall to get to the CT room, I turned to him and said, "I have a feeling this scan is going to change and disturb our very abnormal, normal life we had become accustomed to! We had our routine down! I had been ok with this whole cancer thing for quite some time! But I had a feeling that this very short test was going to change all that! Sure enough, it happened... We went in on Monday, January the 26th, for our normal dr appt that we have every time I have chemo! So we go in, my nurse Christie, takes all the vitals, I mention to her about feeling fatigued and rundown.  I was also running a  slight fever of 99.3,  For me, this is high, I usually run around 97,  She also marks this on my chart.  She leaves and tells us the dr will be in a minute.  I take this time to express to Jon that I really think this scan is going to be the life changer! Before we even had a chance to pray, in walks Dr P.  He shakes Jon's hand, then mine.  He sits down and says, "We have spoke before about you stopping chemo and going to clinical trials when the cancer shows it is resisting the chemo cocktail you are on.  I am sorry to say, it is.  We knew this day was coming and I have talked to you about this for a while. I also told you that you had to be in a healthy state in order to qualify for clinical trials" All I could do is shake my head.  Then he says, "Your scan showed a tiny bit of growth" at that time I exhaled, I had no idea I was even holding my breath! Then he went on, "The problem is, even though you don't have any new cancer, you have the slightest bit of growth, EVERY SINGLE TUMOR GREW!" That was the first time that ever happened! Yes, it had grown and shrank before, but only a few tumors did.  This was every single one! At that the room start closing in on me, I think I was on the verge of passing out! So, I said, "what exactly are you trying to say?"  He looked at me and said, "When you have growth in all your tumors, that is the sign that your body is rejecting chemo and its just not working! So we are canceling your chemo now and sending you off for clinical trials.  USC, UCLA and UCI all have colon cancer research going on there, all you need to do is to choose one." I was in total shock! Even tho I feel God was trying to prepare me for this news, it didn't soften the blow as much as I wish it would have! He then says, "You can not go to a trial where they are first testing out drug, where half of the patients get placebos and the other get the actual drug.  You need to go to one that has been going on for years and is almost ready for the FDA to approve it!"  I said, "Ok, so which one has the best option for me and we will go with that one!" He says, "Well I normally just send you to USC out of habit because I know the people there, but its really your choice," I asked, "You didn't give them a call to see which one would be the best fit for me?"  He just kind of ignored that question and said, "Its really a matter of convenience, go where it would be easiest for you to get there!" I threw up my hands, I could not believe he couldn't just take a few mins out of his day to call around to see which trial would be the best fit for me, and said (in a snarky way), "So pretty much this is a crap shoot! So in that case Jon, just pick on that will be easiest for you to get me there and back!" So he said, sheepishly, "I don't know?? UCI?"  With that, he wrote in my chart UCI and he said "they will be calling you soon to make the appointment, so why don't you guys come back here in 3 weeks and we will meet up here and go over everything.  They will send me your reports and things like that!" With that we left! So now here I am waiting for a phone call I do not want to answer because I never wanted to do clinical trials, but I will because that is what everyone wants for me... KEEP FIGHTING!! I am, I am also a lot more scared to die than I was when I first got diagnosed.   We have made chemo such a  part of our lives, that now I think, "HEY! I can do this for the rest of my life! Yes, it does suck, but for the most part we are leading very active, normal as can be, life!" Now its like ripping the bandaid off and exposing the wound all over again!
So we go home and we are down in the dumps.  Shed a few tears and together, we felt this was the first day to the end of our lives together.  We are pretty shaken, but know we have to tell the boys somehow, we would hate for them to overhear something that they didn't know about and feel like we have betrayed them on top of all this mess. 
I call the boys to come and talk to me. I start praying for God to give me the strength, wisdom and words of what to say to them! I don't want to make it a big deal because I don't want them thinking I am dying like tomorrow or something.  So they come into the kitchen with us and I say, "I am not going to be on chemo for a while! My dr wants me to try another hospital to see if they have anything that could help with my cancer, the chemo I am on here isn't working anymore."  All of the sudden, there is a light in both of their eyes and they are jumping up and down screaming, "Yay!" "GREAT NEWS MOM!" "I just KNOW there is something out there for you!"  I just hugged them and allowed them to have their celebratory moment! When they left, I felt HORRIBLE!!! Did I say the wrong thing? Did I make matters worse? Oh LORD WHERE ARE YOU THESE DAYS?!!
So today I wake up and try to get out of my funk! What's done is done and hopefully the boys can bounce back.  I decide to take a long bubble bath to think and pray.  I will tell you, I have never heard so clear a message from God.  All of the sudden, the verse Philippians 4:4 pops right into my head, "Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS; again I say REJOICE"  Also the verse Jame 1:2 "Consider it great JOY, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind"  So there I was in the bath thinking of what a horrible mom I was to give my children false hope (in my human eyes) and that if I do pass, they will take the blow even harder! But then God slapped me in the face with these verses and I realize, I AM THE WRONG ONE! So the whole day today, I have been singing the little song we learned at church when I was very small, "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice!" Here my sons did what I was supposed to do and I learned an amazing lesson from them! Even tho to my human eyes a situation looks bleak, PRAISE HIM, REJOICE IN HIM!!  It automatically felt like a huge weight was off my shoulders! I just kept that song tucked in my heart all day and when I would start to panic, I would sing it out loud!!
The Lord has done so many miracles in my life, too many to list! I need to remember HE wants the best for me and my family! He knows a heck of  a lot more that I know and he will continue to preform miracles even with todays little revelation! So with that... REJOICE WITH ME!! As always, KEEP PRAYING, HE IS LISTENING!!

New CT results

Thank you to everyone who is praying for me! I have said it before and I will say it again, HE IS LISTENING! So, the last CT scan said that there was a little bit of growth and my dr wanted me to wait 6 weeks and have another CT and we would decide from there what to do! I was SO SURE, this was the beginning of the end! I had myself prepared for the absolute worst! The cancer was growing and I would be taken off the chemo and I would start on a new medicine that was not a chemo, but would stop or slow the growth of the cancer! I was at peace, we went in to hear the results and the dr said, "Well, you just don't stop surprising me! The chemo seems to be working and we are going to continue with how we are going and do your next CT scan after the new year!" I was stunned!! I was so sure that it was growing that I actually didn't know how to feel! I know for some of you that sounds weird, but I really never in a million years thought this would be the result! He told me that not only did the chemo stop the growth, but my cancer numbers have dropped even more! My head was spinning! Then I remembered, that meant more chemo. I am so grateful for the time God is giving me, but it doesn't make me like chemo anymore than I ever have! I am so happy!! This means I get to enjoy my holidays!! I don't need to stress that I may not see Christmas this year! I know I can't be completely sure that something won't happen, but my chances of being here for our trip to the cabins for Christmas is pretty good! I can focus on the short future, instead of stressing about the here and now only! I will be able to enjoy watching Jonny turn 13 years old and Caylee turning 5 years old! This is a HUGE thing for me! When I first got diagnosed, I remember praying, "Lord, let me see Jonny turn 13 and Caylee turn 5, I remember my 5th birthday, she will remember me!" HE LISTENED TO ME!! This is such a miracle!
So, when I say, "Keep pray, He is listening!!" HE REALLY IS LISTENING!! Praise GOD for that!!

Where I am now...

I had better jump on here before things really start moving quickly, birthdays, holidays and yes... my cancer! I will just let you all in on where I am at now in my journey.  I had a CT Scan a few weeks ago and even tho my  cea (cancer) numbers were down 100 points, the ct proved my cancer was indeed still growing! In hopes that the cancer just hadn't caught up to the point drop, my dr decided to give it another try and wait another 6 weeks and do a new CT Scan.  So I am in the wait period.  I will go over what our next steps are, good and bad.  So, if the scan shows that my cancer just hadn't caught up to the number drop and it is either stable or in fact shrinking, we will keep going the way we have been.  Chemo every 3 weeks... 6 hours of infusion followed by 2 weeks of 4 pills 2 times a day and then a week off.  Then we will rescan every 2 months to keep on top of it! If the cancer is still growing despite the number drop, I will be taken off chemo completely! From there, I will be put on a new medicine that is not technically a chemo.  It comes in pill form and you take it for 3 weeks with a one week break! This medicine works about 50% of the time and what it does is it shuts the blood vessels off that feed the tumors.  So it stops them from growing! Unlike chemo that is supposed to shrink and kill the chemo! So the chemo is not going away, this is just buying us a little more time! If that decides not to work, he will recommend that we try clinical trials! My first initial thought about clinical trials is to run as fast as I can away from that at all costs! The 3 other cancer patients who were in my condition, that went to clinical trials all passed away within 6 weeks.  So my first thought was to battle the cancer myself because I have been told over and over I have a slow growing cancer.  But now as I sit here, starring down the barrel of what could be, which path will I take, I realize you can't really "plan" your life. You just don't know how you are going to react to a situation until it is slapping you in the face!

This brings me to my next topic, WHAT SYMPTOMS OR HOW AM I DOING PHYSICALLY!  I have noticed a lot of changes in me.  I get sleepy SUPER  quick!! I went to a birthday party for my 6 year old niece and I made it about 2 hours and I got this overwhelming need to sleep!! I went into the twins room and just wanted to lay there on the ground and sleep.  So, Jon found me in there and rounded the kids up and we left the party! I also have been falling a lot lately! In one incidence I broke my foot! But I fell again about 2 weeks ago! That was fun because my kids all saw this happen. So as I am laying in the middle of the parking lot, my kids are yelling at me "Don't DIE MOMMY!!!!" I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW HOW I AM GOING TO GET UP!! I am trying to calm my kids down and finally we get up and in the car.  We are about 10 minutes into the ride and Caylee (4yrs) says, "Mommy I am glad you didn't die because if you did we would have to get a new one!" Yes! Those are the exact words you as a mother want to hear from your only daughter! But, I know she is scared as the rest of us are! Can't really hold that against her!

So thats where we stand now! Keep praying as always HE IS LISTENING! Pray God's will in my life!

Catchin' up after Summer!

Sorry it has been so long since I have written! We have been more busy the passed 6 months than we have in the last 3 years combined!! I have been doing chemo every other week! On our weeks off, we try to go do something as a family! So, since December, we went to the Cabins as a family.  Had our Christmas there and met Santa, got home and went back onto chemo! Then in February, we decided to get a second opinion at Cancer Treatment Centers of America and we were there, just Jon and I for a week! My parents brought the kids up for the weekend and we went to a ghost town and then went looking a model homes for fun and took the kids to the park and met up with a high school friend! At the last day of the CTCA, they let me know that there wasn't anything more we could do! My original doctor was doing exactly what they would have done from the get go! So we left there broken hearted! Then in March it was off to PARADISE HERE ON EARTH... HAWAII!! The Dream Foundation got us a 3 bedroom, 3 bath condo with full kitchen, a formal living room and a family room right on our own private lagoon! We were there for 5 days and then went back home.  All the while, I was still doing my chemo, loosing my hair and being sick when no one is looking!
Then we took a few months off and found COOPERSTOWN CHIROPRACTIC! It was GOD thing!! I just went because we were looking for a doctor who will adjust me because while I was at the Cancer Treatment Center, they told me my back was pretty bad and we needed to get it fixed! So we went to meet the dr and he had told me that he prayed for me that morning! That he believes God has big things in store for me! Since going to dr Cooper, my back feels SO MUCH BETTER! I used to not be able to get out of bed without taking my pain pills and laying in bed for about 30 minutes until they kicked in! Now I can get out of bed and walk without the pain pills! Also, since being there my cancer numbers have dropped by 100 points! I was at 380 and now they are around 280!
At the end of May, the boys got out of school! So for a full month, they were the only kids in the family out of school until mid-end of June. So I had to entertain them with science projects, water play, parks, art, and things like that for a whole month! Whew! I was exhausted!!
On June 19th our family decided to take off and surprise my grandma Harris, and all 14 of us flew to Washington DC, we stayed there for 3 days and saw the monuments, white house, capitol, the Smithsonian's! Our last stop was the Arlington Cemetery! If I could suggest anywhere to go, it would be here! Seeing all the graves of all the soldiers that have laid down their lives for our freedom, was unreal!  It was such a great time.  Then we rented 3 mini vans and went to Pennsylvania, our first stop was HERSHEY  It was more fun than I had remembered it was from my 8th grade trip! The kids were all in heaven!! The next day we went to Philadelphia!! We got dropped off at Independence Hall, saw the Liberty Bell, walked to Ben Franklins house, got authentic Philly Cheesesteaks, walked down to the Delaware River, then back to our hotel.  The next morning I got a knock on the door and a friend that I had met on the internet about 10 years ago, surprised  me and came to see me!! It was one of the highlights of my trip! Meeting Carol Ann was such a blessing! It was not weird at all and I wish we had longer to hang out together! Then we took off and headed to Gettysburg Pa!. Seriously one of the most beautiful and historical places I have been to! The boys loved it!  How could they not when it was filled with guns, cannons, flags, soldiers uniforms,  etc... The girls I have to admit were a tiny bored! Then we took off to Virginia and just took a day off to rest! Much needed sleep! In the morning we were off to NORTH CAROLINA to see my family that I haven't seen in forever!! The whole Harris side lives there! We all met at a restaurant, my grandma had no idea we were even coming!! What a great surprise! The whole family came in for the weekend and we stayed for very short time! Then we had the lonely, sad, flight home!! 10 fun filled, packed days of family and it was WONDERFUL!!! Not even the kids fought like they normally do!
Then in July we went on our yearly river trip!! IT WAS AMAZING!! The weather was about 115, but the water was perfect!
In between all the trips, I am still doing chemo and trying to keep the kids busy through the rest of the Summer. 
Last trip of the Summer was in August, it was a WONDERFUL Posh convention in Las Vegas.  Since Jon and I still celebrate the anniversary of our first date, we decided this would be our trip! We stayed at the Encore and Betsy and Darren were at the connecting hotel the Wynn, so while the girls were in the convention scoring a ton of new product... Darren and Jon were at the pool, gambling and hanging out in Vegas! They would come pick us up fro the convention and then Jon and I would go rest in our room together because it took a lot out of me! Our rooms were gorgeous suites! It was really one of the best weekends of our lives! We are so thankful to God for all the blessings of the trips that we got to do! He provided for us big time! There was no way we would have been able to do any of these trips without God providing us with all the blessings we needed to get there and spread his word~ and I did!!
Which brings us to now... I had a ct scan done yesterday and the dr told me he was not worried because with my numbers falling as they were, I just had a really bad feeling! The next day was chemo and the dr told us the results! He said he was extremely surprised with what he saw! My cancer is actually growning!!! WHAT? HOW? UGH!! So he said, he will give me one last chance for a miracle! He put me on the highest dose of the chemo for the next 3 sessions.  After 9 weeks, we are going to do another CT Scan! If it still shows that the chemo is growing.  We are going to have to change our course of action.  I am thinking he means clinical trials! I don't even know if I want to be a lab rat in front of my kids! So please pray for a BIG MIRACLE to happen in the next 9 weeks
So, the kids started school and I will have more time to jump on here and update the blog

also my friend is setting up meals for our family! Even if you are not in the same state, you can have the company deliver a meal in you! Please email me if you are not on my facebook and are interested in being part of the meals on wheels! My email is ciadamik@aol.com

thank you so much everyonw!!

Bald is Beautiful... Right?

We are told in chemo class (a 2 hour class that you take right before you start chemo, I highly recommend taking someone with you who can pay attention!) that you will typically lose your hair around the 21st day after your first dose of chemo. For some reason it took my a good 2 years before my weirdo body decided to lose it.  At that time, the first time I lost my hair, I was MORE than ready to shave it.  It had been slowly falling out and I waited until the kids were ready and my hair was shoulder length at that time, so the bald spots were covered. 
This time, however, was a whole different story! It was day 19 from my first day of being on CPT-11, as I like to call it, the devil.  I was a few days away from my second round of chemo, so I decided a long hot bath with a bath bomb was well deserved.  I started filling the bath and threw in my favorite bath bomb without even breaking it up, I deserved the WHOLE bomb.  As it was filling up and the bomb was fizzing away into the water, turning it a beautiful lavender color, I noticed a couple of strands of hair fall into the sink.  Hmm.. that's weird.  Not thinking too much about it, I slipped into the warm, relaxing water.  AHHH.... This is the life, so I thought.  I started praying. I love to pray while in the shower or bath, its quiet, peaceful and the kids KNOW not to bug me unless they are dying! I mean, there had better be blood and a lot of it if they bother me while in the bath.  That is my time and I share it with the Lord! I clearly remember being in the middle of singing Great is Thy Faithfulness, when I poured a Super Gulp sized cup of water over my head, when it happened.  I stopped mid singing and saw hair EVERYWHERE. Literally a layer of hair floated on top of my beautiful, serene bath full of light purple water! I just sat there in the middle of it stunned... Something is wrong! This is not how it happens to me.  First of all, it takes YEARS before my hair decides to fall out and it happens over time, not over night! After I realize what had just happened, I thought, "Well, this is the most that is coming out, surely I won't lose anymore than this!" So I dump the cup over my head again and even more hair fell into the water.  I started panicking! I freaked! I started using the cup to get the disgusting, vile, devil hair out of my bath! I needed to get rid of the visual reminder of the battle my body and soul are going through. I fished as much as I could out of the tub and ran my fingers thru my hair and my hand was covered in wet, sticky hair.  I jumped up and rinsed the dark brown strands of thick hair down the sink.  That's when I lost it.  I stood there screaming for my knight in shining armor.  "JON!!!!!" I screamed, "I NEED JON!!!" HE WILL FIX IT!! I thought.  "JON!!!!" I screeched again.   He came running in, probably thinking I was dying! He had a look of sheer terror on his face, he looked around the room like he should be seeing a fire somewhere! I just stood there crying.  Finally he said, "What??!! What is wrong? Are you hurt?! Did you get sick again?!"  I just pointed to the bath water. He ran and looked (Probably expecting blood) and saw all the hair.  He looked at me with sympathy and said, "Oh baby! I am so so sorry!" I really lost it then, like him seeing it too was really proof I was losing my hair.  He helped me out and wrapped my towel around me.  I grabbed my brush from under the sink and started brushing my thinning hair like a maniac.  More and more hair was coming out. It was never ending.  He finally took the brush from me and told me to stop, I was only making it worse.  I told him I was just getting rid of the loose hairs and he seemed to get a little irritated with me and said, "JUST STOP!! Let's go to bed!" That night I insisted on finding my old head covers and scarves.  It has been a year and I have no idea where we put them! I finally found them at the top of my closest and felt OK enough to go to sleep.
The next couple of days were the same. Hair on my pillow, clumps on the floor, on the bathroom floor.  HAIR SEEMED TO BE ALL OVER THE PLACE.  I had another round of chemo.  I told the nurse my hair was thinning.  She told me not to do anything drastic because it might just be thinning and not completely falling out.  The night after I had chemo, I would run my fingers through my hair and handfuls were coming out.  It became an obsession.  But I was too sick to do anything about it.  The days I have chemo, I can hardly lift my head off the pillow.  I lay in bed by myself all day, wishing for time to pass, or wishing for the good Lord to bring me home because I feel so bad.  I honestly can not even cry on the days I have chemo because I hurt so much. 
The next day, feeling a little bit better, I talk my dad and mom into taking me to the nearest wig shop.  I walk in the door and know what I am looking for.  I want a wig that looked like me.  Pretty plain, shoulder length, no bangs.  I found it.  I took the wig and put it on and it was "the one"! I bought 2 wigs, rushed out of the wig shop because I was so sick, I thought I was going to throw up on the lady ringing up my purchases.  I can not tell you how slow she was going!  I felt like screaming at her, "If you don't hurry up, your store is going to be covered in vomit!!" But I just smiled politely as she slowly took my card and slide it through the cash register, promising me she would pray for me.  We got home and I showed my family the wigs (after getting sick) They liked them, but Jon seemed, off.  We went to bed and back to pulling clumps of hair off my head and then he lost it.  He yelled at me to stop, "You are making it worse" he said.  I told him, I was not pulling it out, it was falling out on its own.  I would rather be in control of it and throw the hair away, then to wake up with it all over my pillow.  He was angry.  He told me that he wanted me to have hair in Hawaii. HAWAII... That is almost 2 weeks away.  At the rate my hair was falling out, there was no way it was going to see Hawaii! So, I decided to really take a look at my hair.  I had no idea what it was looking like, since it is impossible to see the top of your own head.  From what I saw everyday, it was not that bad! From the front, it just looked a little thin, not bad.  So, I took pictures with my phone and to my HORROR, this is what I saw.

After the shock and pure dismay, I honestly couldn't believe what I was seeing!  This was of course, 1am because you know me, I am up all night! After the shock wore off, I jumped up and ran into the bathroom like a crazy woman.  Grabbed Jon's beard trimmer out of the medicine cabinet. Pulled off the clip and started shaving my hair off over the sink! One minute later, Jon came rushing in begging me to stop.  It was too late.  I looked up at him, through teary eyes and said, "I can't do it anymore! It's controlling me! I look like a balding old man!"  I honestly feel so much better about myself with out hair.  Even when I had hair, but it was short, I still felt better in my wigs.  Nothing like how good I felt with my natural long hair, but the wig was a close second.  Jon took the clippers from me and finished.  Then we wet my head, whoa, did that feel weird. Rubbed conditioner over it and used a razor on it. I felt like a weight was lifted off me, but I have to admit, I am not NEAR as OK or as ready as when I first shaved my head. 
When we finally got back into my room, at 2am, I looked in the mirror and snapped this picture! It was done!

The next day, the kids got the shock of their lives. I prayed they would take it better this time because they had already went through it before.  They all seemed to be good with it. I wore my wig and my head coverings.  Caylee seemed a little worried.  She asked if her hair would fall out.  I told her no, that I was on a special medicine that makes my hair fall out.  Then she said, "Mommy, I would never shave my head!" Like I was super crazy for doing it.  I told her, "I know! I had to, mommy was looking pretty silly right?" She said, "Yeah! I guess!" 
There is a game that Caylee and I always play (about 1-2 times a week) It started in a hotel one night, when we were super bored.  I put a blue ribbon in my hair and pretend I am Snow White and she is my friend who warns me about the dangers lurking about in the woods... The scary trees, the witch, the apple... that sort of thing! So the other night I am sitting on my bed, sulking, when she runs in with the ribbon! "Mommy!!!! Will you be Snow White???!!" I looked at her a little surprised and said, "Do you want me to put on a wig?" She looked at me puzzled for a second and said, "No, just put your ribbon on and tie mine on!"  I almost cried!! She didn't care that I was bald!! I am just mommy to her! So on went the bows on my very bald, egg shaped head, like a birthday present! She is one of my greatest gifts!!!

Here is my new wig!! Had to show it off too! LOL!

ALOHA!!!!! A little bad news, but also GREAT news!!

It's time for a little update on us!! I found out that the cancer is growing SLIGHTLY again... We found out the Monday before we left for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Phoenix!  So we were VERY scared! But we KNOW God is in control and all this happened in perfect timing. HIS perfect timing! So after finding out about the growth, we decided to drive instead of fly, to Arizona.
The week we were in Arizona happened to land on Valentines Day and our wedding anniversary.  So, except for the circumstances being what they were to lead us to Arizona, we also made it a little trip away to celebrate! Gotta take as much good as we can right? When life gives you lemons... So we get to Arizona and the CTCA has set us up in a beautiful suite!! It was perfect!  The first day we get there, we settle in and are given a schedule for the next day! They are so organized there.  We get to the hospital, which does NOT look like any hospital I have been to, and we meet Nicole.  See was a new hire there at CTCA, she was hired as a Senior Director of Public Relations (I think!! I know it was a pretty high up position! Forgive me Nicole if I butchered your title!) Right away, I knew we were going to be FAST friends! She was absolutely amazing, made us feel so comfortable and walked us through our journey at CTCA.  The place is amazing, if you are feeling stressed, you go and set up an appointment for a massage! You need your hair or nails done, set up an appointment with the salon! ALL FREE!!! They tailor-make you a team that is specifically is for you! You get your own nurse, holistic doctor, dietician, general doctor, G-I doctor (who promised I would never have to have another colonoscopy ever!) They make a menu plan just for you! Teach you which foods to stay away from, which to make a habit of eating.  It's a place like I have never experienced ever.  I was in awe of the entire idea of this place. Their mission statement is to treat each patient as if you are treating your own mother! They make you a top priority.  You are not just another cancer patient! They treat the WHOLE person, not just the cancer.  When they found out my back was in constant pain, to the point that in the morning, I can't walk until I am up and around for about 15 mins or so.  So they sent me down the hall to the chiro! I went in and got my first adjustment there. I felt IMMEDIATELY better!!! My neck felt light as air after! I didn't even know my neck was bothering me. The chiro actually put my mind as ease because my dr at St Jude wanted to get my back checked out by doing a 2 hour MRI, because he said that the pain maybe cancer that has moved to my back! I asked him what the treatment would be if it were cancer.  He said, "Nothing really, but pain management.  We will not do surgery on you with how progressed your cancer is at this time." So, what a relief it was to hear that the chiro was 99% sure that it was just that I need about 12-15 adjustments to get my back in shape again.  After that adjustment, it was a miracle, I got out of bed without holding on to the wall and hunched over for the first 15 minutes.  So as of today tho, I am back to holding walls and taking my time trying to walk.  But that was to be expected since I have not sought out treatment once I came home.  I was also referred to genetic testing to see if my cancer is hereditary.  If it is, all my relatives can go in and do a simple blood test and the will compare my DNA strand that has the cancer mutation in it and they compare to my relatives and they can rule out whether they will have Colon Cancer or if they do not carry the mutation.  When they found out about my mother's disease she has, Nuerofibromitosis 2, they wanted to do the same to her as well and can test all the relatives for that as well.This is all still in the beginning stages and after I turn in the paperwork in for that, we can get the testing rolling.
 So after being at CTCA for a week, going through a bajillion tests and being evaluated for about 5 days. On the last day, my oncologist goes through my results from the week of testing and my medical history, he told me what I had already suspected, but was half hopeful he would not say.  Let me preface, this is a GOOD thing what I found out, but not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I will take it! I was told by my oncologist at CTCA that they are confident in my dr here at St Jude.  He has been doing and is continuing to do exactly what they would be doing and what they would have done thus far!  We all agreed that the best treatment plan for me would be to continue the treatment I have been already getting thru St Jude. I would be saving money and I would not have to leave my kids for a week every 3 weeks while I had chemo in Arizona.  The doctor left  and Jon, Nicole and I, got up and just held each other and cried like babies.  Yes, its great my dr is doing the best he can for me and he has been.  That is very comforting to know. Its also awesome I will not be leaving my kids for all that lost precious time that I should be with them! The bummer is, I did not receive the miracle we were all so hoping for there!! So, we wait on the Lord a little longer!
So we leave Arizona, which turned out so great! On the vacation front, my parents brought the kids for the weekend and went to a Ghost Town, we went swimming, out to eat. We even met up with a friend we hadn't seen since high school and her daughter and went to the park! So it was a great trip, gave us some alone time for our anniversary and it gave us peace of mind that we are doing the right thing by staying at St Jude! We got home from Arizona and called my dr and set up my chemo for the day after I came home and went back on my full chemo regiment!

So I back on the monster that is CPT-11!!  MAN!! What a ride this one is taking me on! I have been off of it since June, but it had never made me sick, EVER!! This first week I was back on it, I was throwing up and felt terrible for about a week and a half!  I would just be sitting here, talking to Jon and give him "the look" and he would rush my throw up bucket to me and out everything would come! Also, when I was on it before, it took being on it for 2 years for my hair to fall out! They say if you are going to lose your hair, it will be about the 21st day after your chemo treatment.  Well, let me tell you, around day 19, I decided to take a nice relaxing bath and do a face mask! I was finally feeling better and thought I would take advantage! So I lay back in the bath and dunk my head underwater.  I came back up to a TON of hair floating around me!! I was SHOCKED!! I honestly did not expect this! So more and more and more came off my head.  So I decided I was not going to stretch this out like I did last time.  The next morning, I got up and we to the nearest Fantastic Sams and cut my hair super short!  I did leave it about 2 inches long on top, but the back is pretty much shaved.  As the days have progressed, more hair is falling out! So I am thinking it would be best for all involved to just shave it off completely! That way they are used to it by Hawaii!

Which brings me to my final point I wanted to talk about! The wonderful person I had mentioned in my last post, Kria, she has been sending in a ton of paperwork to so many different foundations! For instance, one day I got a $500 check in the mail and another $275 from a different foundation she found for us, that they wants to pay the next 4 months of car payments for us!! Well, the biggest one came thru, we all thought that there was no way we would get to use this foundation.  Its the www.dreamfoundation.org and they will try to grant any dream you would like.  Its available for all patients who are terminal! Well, we went big!! We asked for a weeks stay in Hawaii!! We were awarded the trip and leaving in less than 2 weeks!! They got us a 3 bedroom condo with 5 round trip tickets to OAHU!! They are coming Friday to present us with our gift and all the tickets, They asked us to have someone here to video it!! We leave for Hawaii on Monday the 23rd of March and  we leave on Friday the 28th!  We just have to have money for food and spending cash, they also require $1000 to be in your bank account at all times, just in case we have money set aside for an emergencies! Which is smart and something I should keep on hand anyway!

So tomorrow is the big day!! When I was off for a while with my first chemo, on the second session of going back on it, I became allergic and can never have it again. If this happens tomorrow with this one.  If I become allergic to this last chemo... there is nothing left to be done for me! I just have this horrible voice in my ear saying, "You were never sick on it before, it took YEARS for my hair to fall out and I am almost bald right now! These are all precursors to me becoming allergic tomorrow.  Only time will tell and like this whole journey has been, it is in God's hands and that is the best place it could be!!

So onto more good news!! Josiah is slowly coming out of his hair, we have decided to start slowly weaning him off the Ritalin, he is in the 40% for weight and the best news... He asked us if he could be in soccer!!! We signed him up really quick and got him into Spring Soccer in Fullerton Rangers! He also came home from school saying that he is trying out for the musicals at school, GREASE or BYE BYE BIRDIE! WHAT AN ANSWER TO PRAYER!! I would have been knocked of my rocker if you told me he would be doing these things willingly!!! PRAISE GOD!!!! He is listening to our prayers and answering them in His perfect timing!

Lots and Lots going on... Time for an update! :)

I hope you all had a very blessed holiday season! It went so quickly! We packed in a TON of things in the time between Thanksgiving and the New Year! We celebrated Jonny's 12th birthday, got the stomach flu and had to reschedule Caylee's 4th birthday, saw Christmas lights in Brea, had our annual family pictures done, I was the speaker at our church's annual "Christmas with Friends", celebrated my dad's 60th birthday, celebrated Jon's dad's birthday and had a wonderful Christmas celebration with the Adamik side of the family,  and went to Lake Arrowhead to spend Christmas in the mountains! (I am probably forgetting things, but you get the drift... we were BUSY!) We actually had a white Christmas!! We all prayed for enough snow to play in, but not a blizzard. Ask and you shall receive! It was an amazing time for our family! A week that no one in our family will forget! With the Christmas season behind us, we are now back in the grind and working our tails off, like usual!
After the hustle and bustle of Christmas was over, we met a new friend! Her name is Kris and she has done so much for our family... it's UNREAL!! She knows a lot about medical billing, social security and getting grants for people in our situation.  We started talking and bonded quickly through our love of Christ and our medical whoas. I won't go into what she is going through, but she too has medical issues and knows all about the ins and outs of getting social security (which I have been denied twice already for) and dealing with pushy people who do NOT want you to get the help financially that you deserve and need! She took the mounding pile of medical bills... over $25,000 (this number does not include the numerous copays or the cost of our monthly  prescriptions that we have to pay out of pocket each month) and growing and has decided, with no gain to herself, to tackle our financial "Mount Everest"! She is also going after social security to get me the paycheck I deserve from them and she also has contacted countless foundations to help get us grants to help us pay for things such as monthly prescriptions, copays (we have over $150 just in copayments, every 3 weeks), childcare (this would be extra childcare for times when I have appointments or anything medical related and I don't have someone to watch Caylee, after school hours) to help with food, rent, bills in general, for money to do with what we see fit to use it for and also for a dream vacation for our family! (Please pray that these grants go through and we get the help we so desperately need!) In a month's time, she has done more than I could have done myself in a lifetime!! I can't begin to explain the agonizing process of trying to be awarded a grant! They ask you every question you can think of!  First of all, she spent days and days searching the web to find foundations that we meet the criteria for.  Then she organized all the questions and paperwork we would need to give her in order to apply.  Kris has spent HOURS UPON HOURS, filling out paperwork for our family... HOURS of sitting on hold with agencies such as social security office or our insurance company, just to be disconnected after sitting on hold for over an hour! (this has happened to her more than once!) She literally came over with her husband and copied every important document we have such as marriage license, drivers license, birth certificates, insurance cards, all our bills that have gone to collection, wrote down every prescription I take (chemos included) then she took all this home and formed spreadsheets with all our info, so when she fills out the applications for everything, she has all the answers in one spot. She calls me and keeps me updated on how things are going and she will call when she needs more information for a form.  She actually started feeling BAD for calling me too much and she told me she would go to Jon with the questions because she doesn't want to stress me out! She was actually apologizing to me about this and explaining herself saying, "I promise, once I get ALL the information, I will never have to ask you for it again! So in the beginning its going to be a lot of phone calls, texts and that sort, but once its all down on the spreadsheet, I can just refer back to that and not have to bother you anymore!" BOTHER ME? Is she joking? I feel terrible for doing this to her! One day I called her just to talk and say hi, I said, "What's wrong? Are you not feeling good?"  and she said, "No, I am ok, I didn't get very much sleep because I was up until 5am doing paperwork for this awesome grant that I really want you guys to get!"  She is spending more time doing the paperwork, then she would working a full time job! I can't even begin to think how upset her husband and kids are that she is spending her precious time away from her family to do this for us!   (Remember she too is sick on SSDI herself!) Then there are the countless trips she has made to the dr's office to demand that all the grant application papers she is filling out will be signed by the doctor in a timely manner.  Our doctors charge $15 a SIGNATURE, she did NOT accept this, we went into the doctor's office with a stack of grants that needed to be signed ($145 dollars worth of signatures to be exact) and she went to the top of the chain and complained to the social worker of the oncology department at St Jude, and explained, "They can not afford to pay you the copays, let alone $15 per signature! They can NOT pay this!" St Jude agreed that we would not have to pay for the signatures!!!  She is seriously one in a million!!!! So far we have been awarded a couple of grants and in the next few weeks, we will find out if we will be awarded or denied the rest of them! Some of the grants that we have already been awarded are for copay assistance, for some of my chemo and prescriptions.We have also been awarded a grant from a organization called Mommy and Me. They will help us get groceries, child care, they set up fun mommy and me dates (such as tea parties) They are an awesome organization! Needless to say, Kris is a real live angel here on earth who is completely turning our life around! If you would like to help Kris or if you know of an organization that you think would be helpful for our family, you can email her at christiannerocks77@gmail.com
This leads me to the life change that is coming up for me and actually our entire family! While Kris was spending her countless, precious free hours trying to get me the financial help we need, she also spent her time trying to better my health as she was at it! MANY OF YOU have begged me to get a second opinion and to look into other means of treatment.  I was just too nervous and scared to do it! One day as I was cleaning the house, I got a call from Kris. She sounded a little nervous as she talked.  She proceeded to say, "I did something and I hope you are not mad! If you don't want to do this, I will not feel bad AT ALL! Please don't be upset with me, I just want what is best for you!" THEN I GOT NERVOUS! ha ha ha! She told me that she contacted the Cancer Treatment Centers of America and they think I am a very good candidate and that they think they can really help me out! MAD??? NO WAY!! She gave me the push I needed to start being proactive in my fight against cancer! I would have never been able to do it alone! I am such an anxiety ridden person, that there is no way I could have made that phone call myself.  So Kris did a conference call and they told me that they are number 1 in the country in fighting cancer and colon cancer is one of their top specialties! The lady (Linda) from CTCA, told me the first thing was to see if I even qualify for it! They were going to contact my insurance and IF my insurance accepts them, then we will move on to the next step! This first phone call was on a Friday night at around 9pm.  On the following Monday at around 12pm, I got a phone call saying I WAS ACCEPTED INTO THE PROGRAM AND MY INSURANCE CONSIDERS IT AN IN NETWORK HOSPITAL!!  What that means is, it will be no more money out of our pocket to go to CTCA than it would be to go to St Jude!! (So my annual out of pocket is around $7000, plus copays and prescriptions) 
So let me just give you what I know so far.  I leave for Phoenix AZ, for 5-10 days (depending on what they can do for me) They may do my evaluation and tell me that St Jude is doing all that can be done for me and to go home and just to continue the treatment with St Jude, without the help from CTCA! Or they can totally help me and change up my treatment to be more aggressive.  I leave on the evening of February 12th, which is Josiah's 10th birthday. So with the help of my Facebook friends, we will be taking the kids to Disneyland the day before Jon and I leave.  We want to give them a "dream" day.  We are hoping to raise enough money to do extra special things at Disneyland such as the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique (for Caylee) and the "build your own lightsaber" (for the boys)!  We want to be able to give them a carefree day to do whatever their little hearts desire.  I want you to take a minute and really think about what my kids go through.  They are literally watching their mom slowly pass away and there is nothing they can do about it.  They are old enough to KNOW what is going on and they feel like they have to be these brave soldiers for their mom.  Josiah absolutely refuses to talk to anyone, I had a little break through with him on Christmas Eve and he admitted he hates watching this happen to me! Caylee is too young to realize that mom's are not supposed to be taking pills all the time, falling asleep in the middle of a conversation or having to go to the doctor constantly. Jonny suffers with nightmares!  He is 12 years old and RUNS into our room in the middle of the night in a panic with tears streaming down his face saying, 'I JUST HAD THE DREAM AGAIN THAT THE DOCTOR TOLD ME YOU WERE DEAD!!!"  He is old enough to realize, he will one day live that nightmare!! But they are the reason I am going to the CTCA! I have to exhaust ALL avenues to show them that I am fighting so hard to stay on this Earth for as long as I can to be with them!
 We have NEVER been away from the kids this long EVER!! The longest we have been away from the kids is 2 nights! The CTCA wanted us to fly out there on January 23rd, but that is just too soon for us and we have too many obligations to take care of before we go! WE ARE NOT TELLING OUR KIDS WHERE I AM GOING UNTIL AFTER WE COME BACK!! So PLEASE do not say anything to them! After we get back and have all the information, we will let them know what is going on.  My kids are VERY stressed out and they call me from school  just to check on me.  They have a VERY hard time when I am in the hospital and Josiah usually begs to stay with me over night when I am in the hospital, so if they knew I was in the hospital in another state for up to 10 days (not being down the street where they could just come and see me), they would be total wrecks! Of course, we will let them know we are going to be gone for about a week, but they don't need the stress of knowing that I will be in pain or sick and they can not physically be with me!
Another thing we know for sure is that the CTCA is paying for Jon and I to fly to Phoenix and stay in their "hotel".  The hotel is actually in the hospital, it is COMPLETELY set up like a hotel.  It  has a flat screen tv, wifi, a regular king sized bed , in room movies, a washer and dryer down the hall and a library to check out books and board games.  The food is the hospital cafeteria, which boasts of its own chef.  There are plenty of options (as cancer patients will only eat what they crave) and we get our food at a reduced price.  (Around $15-$20 per day per person, we pay for our food)  The menu caters to you individually as you are assigned a nutritionist who creates a food plan to attack the cancer.  Each persons food plan is different! There is a shuttle that will take us around to different shopping malls, museums and restaurants around the city. 
The first 3-5 days are evaluation days.  This is where they poke, prod, do scans, MRI's, and other tests to really get a full work up on you.  During this time, they determine whether they can help or not! If they can not help me, I will be sent home after 5 days.  If they think they can even just prolong my life 1 month, I will start my new treatments and do a round of chemo while I am there! CTCA have the newest and best machines in the country.  The are also on top of the newest chemos and other treatments that is out there!
The CTCA does NOT replace St Jude or my oncologist! They work WITH them! They work hand in hand to give me the best treatment possible.  So, if all goes as planned, I will return home after about 10 days and they will contact St Jude and send my new treatment plan to St Jude to have them administer my new regiment to me. I will continue to do my chemo treatments at St Jude. Then every 3 months or so (maybe even less) I return to Phoenix (I will drive and will be reimbursed mileage) for more tests, scans and evaluations!  They want to make sure what they are doing is actually working and if its not, they will adjust my meds accordingly. 
This is pretty much all I know for  now! I will keep you all updated as much as I possibly can! I don't know how I will be feeling, so if I can not update the blog, I will find someone who can! I am sure I will NOT be feeling as good as I am now, since I am only on maintenance chemo now, not attacking the chemo, just keeping it at bay. So, I am sure the new chemo treatment will be A LOT more aggressive!
PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR ME AND MY FAMILY!!! This is a scary but exciting time for us! God has been so good to us and I am so thankful for all my blessings, my friends, the prayers and the gifts we received over the last 2 and a half years! God has held me near to him during this trial. I am so thankful for each day he has given me with my family and all of you! KEEP PRAYING, GOD IS LISTENING!! We love you and you all mean so much to us! NOW IT'S TIME TO KICK CANCER IN THE BEHIND!! (Sorry if this started not making sense, my pills are kicking in!)

JOIN POSH NOW!!

I had to share this!! I would be greedy if I didn't! I started selling Perfectly Posh in September! I went in blindly without knowing much about it! I am excited to tell you that I have made money for my family, new friends and have been able to share my testimony at the end of my Posh parties! God is so good! He is in every detail of my life, including my new business! I encourage you to join my team NOW! The kit is the best one I have seen and there is a new 90 day training academy called "Posh Prep Academy" which walks you through everything and helps you grow your business! It's only $99 to join and that includes over $280 in Posh's number 1 selling products AND the business essentials to get your business going! They have included 2 of every product to do with what you would like, sell one and use one for yourself, use one for samples and display the other, whatever you want to do... Posh will let you do! THIS IS YOUR BUSINESS!!

Go to www.perfectlyposh.us/christianne to JOIN MY TEAM TODAY!! This offer/kit ends December 31st!

A very Happy Thanksgiving!

http://OK... I am a big wimp! I backed out of the MRI. This is the first time I denied a test or any kind of treatment. I prayed long and hard and had a peace about not doing it.  Dr P told me that there was really nothing more he could do for me that he isn't already doing.  So why bother putting me through even more stress by doing the MRI? So I called and cancelled. I decided to try to help my back out a little by cutting down on lifting things, which included my almost 4 year old, who is the size of a 6 year old! She still climbs up into my lap all the time, but picking her up only happens when it is necessary.
So why am I so cheerful, when I am usually a huge grump on chemo days... I got GREAT news today!! Let me go back a couple of weeks.  Last chemo treatment, my blood pressure was through the roof!!!  Like 189/95 high.  I didn't really think anything about it at the time. I have struggled with high bp for a while, so it was nothing new.  I knew in order to have the Avastin, my bp would have to be in a normal range. Avastin causes high bp, so if you start out with high bp, you can imagine what could happen.  So, I go to infusion and my infusion nurse says that she doesn't think I should get the Avastin bc she could not get my bp to lower.  By this time, by body has went into defense mode.  What this means is, most cancer patients suffer with a condition that makes them either very sleepy or very sick when they think about or go to chemo.  I fall asleep! I don't just mean dozing off... Full blown snore fest.  While in the chair, I hadn't even received any form of meds yets, and I was completely out.  I did sort of wake up to my nurse raising my arm above my head while taking my bp and it still wasn't going down. After many attempts of trying everything to get it to go down, it finally worked.  So I get plugged in and I receive the chemo.  I get home and sleep the day away.  That night (around 2am) I feel funny. Blurry vision, slight headache and just weird. I take my bp and it is 198/105! We call the nurses advice line and leave a message and never hear back.  Long story short, after 2 days of calling the dr multiple times with no return call, calling my chemo nurse and the nurses advice line, we get a call back from the dr's front desk.  I answer and she tells me I need to come in for a CT Scan as soon as possible.  At this point, I am on the verge of a mental break down!! I scream into the phone, "WHAT THE HECK DOES A CT SCAN HAVE TO DO WITH HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE?" She was taken back because I am sooooo not that person who yells at someone for no reason.  She tells me to hold on while she talks to the dr.  She says (in a very snarky tone) "Well, he told you not to be surprised that he would order a ct scan if you had a jump in numbers!" My head was spinning at this point... What the heck was going on? Then she said, "Oh and the dr has sent you a new prescription of blood pressure medication and it is waiting for you at the pharmacy." I make the appointment for the CT scan and curiosity gets the best of me. I tell Jon to call back my chemo nurse and ask what my numbers were.  He calls her and she says, "Are you sure you really want to know?" That can't be good! So Jon told her to let us know. She said my numbers jumped from 160 to 201.9 in a matter of 3 weeks time.  So, they again tell us, "We need to see how much the cancer has grown and/or spread."  I have NEVER been so nervous about a ct in all my life. I don't know what made this one so much different than all the other times. But, I AM SCARED TO DEATH.  I do the ct and the tech tells me that they put a rush on my orders and the dr will have it in the morning. The next 24 hours were the longest in my ENTIRE life.  We call the dr 3 times that day with no response.  Finally at 2pm, his head nurse calls me. She said, "Ok Christianne, Dr Paneres says everything looks good! There is no new growth or spreading, so we are going to keep going with the regiment you have been on and we will see you in a couple weeks." I just start crying hysterically on the phone, so much so that I freak Helen (my nurse) out! I said, "WAIT WHAT?"  She said, "didn't you hear me? You are fine! Whats wrong?" So I went on to tell her the whole story leading up to that point and she said, "If I am the one calling you, just know it is good news! I can't tell people bad news anymore, I would end up crying with the patient!" So now I know if dr P calls... that is not good!
Fast forward to today, I go to my appointment and he lets me know once again, everything is good! He says so good in fact that I now only see the dr every 6 weeks instead of every 3 weeks. He said it is pointless to go by my CEA numbers because they are just not accurate for me. So with that I push the envelope a little bit.  I told him my next chemo lands on my daughter's birthday and if I PROMISE to still take my chemo pills, could I please skip my infusion for the month of December. He said YES!!!!! So this is a very HAPPY Thanksgiving and an even better CHRISTMAS! I do not have to go in for chemo until January 7th of 2014! :)

So, I have to brag a little about my Posh "career". I have hit ALL my goals, every month.  I have received 2 awards already and have 2 more on the way.  I have decided that since I am doing so well, that I am pretty much going to just do outside/online orders and only 1 event for the month of December.  If you are thinking you would like to start earning a little more cash, I URGE you to try Posh!  The products honestly sell themselves and they are all natural and safe for everyone. I have 3 parties scheduled for January so far and if you would like to learn more about Posh or want to schedule a party just hit this link!  http://www.perfectlyposh.us/repsites/frm_bridge.aspx?bridge=JOIN&id=4710
YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT! If the link is not lit up and you can't click on it, copy and paste it! :)

Time flies... when you are busy!!

I seriously don't know where to begin... Lets go back to this past summer.  I took the Summer "off" from chemo to be somewhat normal with the kids.  We did A LOT! We went on vacations to the lake, we played at the splash park, 3 Vacation Bible Schools, Knott's Berry Farm and much more! I was only doing my chemo pills which I really have no side effects from.  When the kids went back to school, I had a CT Scan and the dr warned me that my numbers went from the 60's to 160! So, we were expecting there to be growth and maybe even spreading, but it was worth it for the time I had with my kids.  The results came back and everything was the same! It hadn't grown even a little bit.  So he added Avastin to my regiment.  He said I will be having CT's every 9 weeks and I can stay off the chemo that makes me very sick, until my cancer starts growing/sharing. PRAISE GOD FOR THAT!
I have been dealing with a lot of back/leg pain recently.  It is so bad that I have to have my pain pills next to my bed and I take them as soon as I wake up and wait for them to kick in before I can get out of bed.  It is the lower lumbar region. I told the dr about it and let him know I upped my pain pills myself and I was (am) still in pain. He said he doesn't think that it is cancer related.  He said that I need to remember my body isn't what I want it to be and I need to slow down.  (BOY! He just doesn't get me, does he?) He thinks that it may be a slipped disc.  So, I have a 2 and a half hour MRI on Thursday the 24th.  I am really nervous to do an MRI because I am pretty claustrophobic! I hate CT's and I am only in the machine for about 15 minutes! I am thinking of backing out.  I think I may rather live with this horrible pain than do the test! So pray for that for me too please.
My hair... Since going off the chemo, my hair is growing back pretty quickly. In fact, I even just had a hair cut to "shape it up" a little bit.  It was starting to look too Simon Cowell for me! I am going to keep it short because eventually I know I will go back on the chemo and more than likely lose it again. This time it may not be such a shock because it is short to begin with. 
We are still really struggling financially... My mom recently had a tumor removed from her spinal cord. So she can not take care of the kids the way she was before, so Jon is missing more work than ever.  We are over $30,000 behind what we usually are this time last year.  I was sick of sitting by, letting life pass me by and being the cause of my family losing out on so much because I am sick and Jon has to take time off to take care of me.  So, pretty much blindly, I joined the company PERFECTLY POSH! If you are on Facebook, you are pretty much sick of hearing about it from me! Sorry about that, but I just love it and it truly has changed my life! I am doing things I have not ever done in my life! I have actually gone to a store by myself without any anxiety, I stand in front of people for about 2 hours talking about our products and giving people facials and answering questions.  I know God is using Posh for me to reach out to people and give my testimony.  I pray that God always gives me an opportunity during my parties sometime to talk about what God is doing in my life.  I feel so alive doing this! Not only do I get some "me time", I am making money for my family, meeting new people and get to witness to them! If you would like to check out my website and our all natural products, go to www.perfectlyposh.us/christianne So far I have had 2 parties (and 3 more already booked) met 2 goals that the company has set for its consultants, I hit enough in sales that I am getting a promotion and a raise, I have 3 team members who have signed up under me, I along with my sister have a charity event coming up to raise money for a little girl who was born with NKH  and I went to a convention in San Diego! All within the last 40 days! I love Posh and honestly think that God placed it in my lap and great things will come from it!
On the kid front, they are doing well! Caylee has started at Head Start and goes every day from 8am to 11:30am. It is such a blessing because they feed her breakfast and lunch and she is getting the interaction with other kids her age, while getting ready for Kindergarten! She is my little Posher.  She is a real girly girl and can't keep her hands off my products.  For Christmas, I am going to make her a little Posh basket that is just for her.  She loves to try everything out and she helps me make my samples to give out to people! She has not had 1 UTI since her surgery and is such a happy and energetic child. 
Joey, he is still having a rough time with things.  He has been to 5 different counselors.  The latest one was through the school and they called to let me know that HE decided he didn't want to go anymore and she also said there was really no point because she can not get him to open up at all! (Exactly what the last 4 counselors have told us) He is such a sweet boy and he is very attached to me. He is also having a little bit of a hard time with mommy "working".  He knows how to pull at my heart strings and told me that all I care about is Posh and working! I explained to him that I work at home to be close to him and he can be with me the whole time I am working and even help me at times! That made him feel better and he hasn't complained since then. 
Jonny is back in soccer with Jon as his assistant coach! Like Jon needed one more thing on his plate, but it has been awesome for both of them! They are bonding even more through it and they both have an outlet to get their frustrations out! He goes to counseling through his school every Tuesday and he really likes it. He is a full blown pre-teen monster!! Oh my!! I was not ready for it! LOL!! He is at the stage where his friends know more than we do and he knows WAY MORE than we do! He thinks it hysterical when we let him know that we know what is best for him. We get a LOT of.. Well Jacob said.... UGH!! Sometimes its more than I can handle! I just pray and give it to God and explain to him WE want the very best for him and we would NEVER steer him in the wrong direction. Our new dilemma is when and what do we tell him about "the birds and the bees"!?  I know he is still pretty innocent about knowing things in that department so I feel like if we fill his head with things, then curiosity will get the best of him! I obviously do not want him learning from his friends anything we don't want him to know, but I am not stupid and don't want to be unrealistic, that is going to happen if we don't teach him how to respect women first.  Jon and I did a daddy/daughter date and a mommy/son date one night.  Jon brought Caylee flowers and the boys got me and my mom flowers. On our date, I taught the boys to open the car door for women, bring them flowers before the dinner, pull out a woman's chair and be respectful at the dinner table at all times!
I do have a very important prayer request. Our 6 year old next door neighbor, Dylan, was diagnosed with Leukemia! He is having chemo every 4 DAYS! His face is a little swollen from the steroids, he is SO SICK FROM THE CHEMO!! Last night, I was in my room and I heard screaming and crying.  A sound I will never forget.  I dropped everything and started yelling for everyone to run outside something is WRONG!! I honestly thought one of my boys were hit by a car or something! My dad, Jon and I run outside to find Lisa (Dylans mom) rocking Dylan in her lap as he is screaming, "MOMMY MAKE ME BETTER, MAKE IT STOP!!! I AM SO SICK MOMMY, I CAN'T DO THIS!!" I can not describe the horrors of chemo.  Its unlike ANYTHING I have experienced in my life.  She (his mom) was just sobbing and rocking him.  She said every night at around 6pm, he just melts down like this and she doesn't know how to console him.  She thought letting him sit on the front porch and get some air would help him.  I told her (begged her) to take a walk around the block and clear her mind and just get out.  She told me she would NEVER leave him.  I, as a mom, get that completely.  Cancer is from the devil... thankfully they caught the leukemia pretty quickly and he has a 95% chance of being completely cancer free by the end of November! So please please pray for Dylan and his whole family! I am so thankful that it is me and not my kids who are sick! I would do anything to take Dylan's pain away! Lisa is my hero!! She is an amazing mom, she always has been. But to have to endure what they are going through is unfathomable!
Well, I am going to wrap this up, Jon is already snoring away! LOL! I better get to sleep! Morning comes too early in this household!
Keep praying, God is listening and is really keeping us together!! But like the dr constantly likes to remind me, I can be doing wonderfully one day and 2 weeks later, I could be gone! Pray for my CT scans to keep coming back good, pray for my kids and husband to keep their sanity, pray for my MRI and pray for little Dylan! Thanks everyone!!